Can long distance relationships work?

[EnolWolf]

I'm in my first one and I'm willing to do everything in my power to make this last as long as possible. Of course, I don't see her that much but we talk on the phone nearly every night.

 

It can work as long as two people are committed to the relationship, right?

[tea]

I sure hope so. ^_~

 

I'm determined to make mine work even if I'll never see my darling boyfriend.

[Matt01]

My sister had a long distance relationship with a guy that moved away for college, but it eventually fell apart. I think the biggest part of a relationship is actually being with the person, thats why long distance relationships dont work most of the time.

[San123]

yes, they work... (I've been in mine for about a year and a half) but they are VERY VERY hard to deal with sometimes! You both have to be committed to each other.

[RayKay]

Yes they can work, but there needs to be a lot of commitment and communication from either side, as well as a finite ending to it and the ability to see one another in person at times. They do have a higher failure rate than most relationships.

 

I have been in two LDR's..one began a year into a relationship, he was in Australia for a year and I visited halfway through. We were together for three more years after he returned but only as he passed away - so if they really are truly important, you can make it work.

 

The other one began only a couple weeks into a relationship and lasted 6 months, but we saw each other 2-4 times a month on weekends as he was only about 500 miles away and there was a finite end to the distance there once again.

 

Being in a LDR when there is no plan to be together at some point can be too stressful and can lead to its end.

[bat_grrl]

They can work..if you are both committed to making it work. You both have to be equally as committed though.

 

I was in one for 3 years. We broke up not because of the distance but because we just werent as compatible as we thought we were and decided we were better as friends. We still talk weekly to this day.

 

The LDR I am in now is kind of up in the air. I am finding that perhaps I am more committed to this relationship or to him, than he is to me. I don't know how much more of the things going on that I can take. He is one that has some communication issues and hasn't has the best track record with relationships. He tends to find things wrong with them and ends it (can we say committment issues?) So we will see. I am trying to give him some space but if he can't try to accommodate me a bit I can't continue with things as much as it will hurt to break up with him.

 

So anyway, yes the can work. They are hard. Very hard. There is a lot of lonliness and missing the other person. As long as you trust each other and try as much as you can, then you can do it.

[EnolWolf]

Thanks for you replies!

 

I believe they can work too. The fact that we can't see each other makes us want one aonther even more. I'm confident this will last long. We're doing everything we can.

 

Thanks again!

[PAdreamer]

I know they work. I've been with my sweetheart for almost a year. It's been very hard in many ways, but the rewards far outweigh the minor annoyances and occasional heartache. Getting to spend time with him makes my life completely worthwhile!

[Lily04]

My ex-boyfriend and I were in a LDR for about 2 months and one piece of advice I would offer you if you want it to last is to keep in touch!! It seems like you're more committed to that than my bf was. During that whole time we spoke on the phone *once* and *once* over MSN for about 10 mins. And both the phone & MSN convo. ended badly. I learned from that that there was a problem more fundamental than the long-distance and that I also had a desire to date new people, so I broke up with him. Had I spoken to him more frequently I could have probably came to that conclusion faster. But because I hardly ever talked with him I didn't really know where our relationship stood.

 

Also important if you guys send a lot of e-mails is to be really casual, and just yourselves in the e-mail. What really pissed me off was when my boyfriend tried to be all professional and curt. I would say most of his e-mails were at most 5 lines, a paragraph saying 'this is what I am doing, hope you are well, bye. love you..xoxoxo, kisses.' Meanwhile I'm reading this, going WTF is this? He doesn't ask how I'm doing, just seems to brag about himself..I soon enough noticed that this is actually a characteristic of him I didn't like.

 

Overall, I don't see this bad experience as being generalized to all LDR. I think our relationship would haev cooled off even if we were still together, but perhaps it would have taken longer or shorter, I don't know. It would have been different..just make sure you're always true to yourselves, and communicate often!

 

- Lily04

[Rainy]

Long distace relationships can be hard work, and need a lot of cumumincation with each other in order to survive, it can be done, im moving next year to be with my sweetheart!!

[tea]

i want to move with bf too! it's okay, those of us who are dealing with long term long distance relationships.. WE CAN MAKE IT! Just focus on the light at the end of the tunnel and ignore the disgusting sewage smell in the gutters!

[PAdreamer]

I know, first hand, how frustrating and even excruciating the whole LDR thing can be. You care so much for a person and all of the waiting can REALLY drive you nuts! Especially if you start to get to the point where you're seriously talking about the future, and marriage, and living together. It becomes VERY overwhelming. So, my biggest piece of advice when you get to that point is to focus on taking it one day at a time. When you look at the long run, it feels like you'll spend your whole life stressing out. Take it slow, day by day.

[EnolWolf]

That's a little problem I've run into lately. My girl keeps bringing up discussions about where we'll be a yeard from now. I don't even care to think about that because I'm taking it one day at a time. She doesn't understand the disadvantages of thinking so far ahead. Making guarantees or goals with this kind of thing can make situations worse.

 

I agree. One day at a time is a lot better that planning.

[ayekasong]

I've been in my LDR for two and a half years, three months ago it became a very long LDR (accross an ocean). It's tough, but like the other posters have said, it can work.

 

As for thinking ahead, I have quite the tendency to do that. It's really difficult not to think about the future when you're so excited about being together. But, it is best to take it one day at a time. I drive myself nuts thinking about the future, but until this point in my life, everything was based on the future. Don't be like me. Haha.

[PAdreamer]

I'm a planner. I struggle a lot with not planning TOO far ahead. It's caused a few problems along the way, adding stresses to my relationship that could easily be avoided by my patience. I've learned quickly that THINKING ahead is a good thing, but PLANNING ahead can hurt you. Think ahead if you want, daydream about what you want from your relationship... but always go one day at a time.

[maasikus]

LDR's can be stressful...in a sense that u miss ur sweetheart...u cant get to cuddle up when u want to...u dont physically have a shoulder to lean on...u kno...things like that...

 

right after i started dating my sweetheart... i left for boston for a month and a half...and then i came back, and had to go to Milwaukee for a month again...it was sad to be away...but when i was in milwaukee, he visited me every weekend...travelled 500 miles one way...just to be with me...awww

Then i came back...not for long

 

I have been away for the past 3 months due to work related reasons...we got married in September and i had to come back RIGHT after the wedding But i fly as frequently as possible...just to be with him...we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and long weekends together...we spend LOTS of money in flights...but its nothing compared to the joy we get when we are together...

 

its hard to be away...but then i compare myself with people who cant meet their sweethearts as often as i do...that is my source of comfort...

 

Cant wait to see him

maasikus

[Mermaid]

I know, first hand, how frustrating and even excruciating the whole LDR thing can be. You care so much for a person and all of the waiting can REALLY drive you nuts! Especially if you start to get to the point where you're seriously talking about the future, and marriage, and living together. It becomes VERY overwhelming. So, my biggest piece of advice when you get to that point is to focus on taking it one day at a time. When you look at the long run, it feels like you'll spend your whole life stressing out. Take it slow, day by day.

 

Excruciating doesn't begin to describe it.

 

(Btw, hi, PA!

 

I've basically been with my guy for two years now, and it was an LDR from the start. We're currently in the process of finding new jobs, and he of finishing up his degree, and the plan is for him to move here to be with me in 9-12 months. We discuss marriage and married life on a regular basis, and he already knows how and where he's going to propose.

 

Still, I'm stressed every moment of every day, not only because I miss him so much, but because I worry a lot about making this happen. I am beginning to think that the stress is taking a physical toll: I sleep worse than usual, eat worse than usual and am a ball of anxiety.

 

However, all that aside, I'm also the happiest I've ever been in my life (I contradict myself, no?). My boyfriend is my best friend and our communication is outstanding--we talk several times a day, and see each other every 3-4 months for two weeks or so at a time. He's my absolute soulmate (to which even my own mom will attest), and if we can make it through this next 9-12 months of separation and anxiety (which I know we can), we'll spend the rest of our lives making up for lost time.

 

So yeah, LDRs can work if the committment is there and if both parties have the same ultimate goal in mind. But they are also the most heartwrenching of situations in which to be in. Your heart will break every day until the two of you are together for good.

[PAdreamer]

Hi hun! I know what you mean. On the one hand I am totally thrilled and content with the way that things are progressing, but at the same time I am constantly worried that for some obscure reason he'll change his mind or things will just fall apart. I just want it to happen so that I can feel secure, you know?