I think my dad is a hoarder. What do I do?

[Rockyr87]

I've been living with my dad since I got out of college for the past year now. He's kind of always been like this, but now that I'm living with him it's even harder to put up with. He NEVER throws anything away. Example: our freezer and refrigerator are'nt that big and they're jam packed with stuff that he's had for 6+ months and never touched. I've asked him to either eat it or get rid of it and he just won't. The pantry isn't too different. I feel like I can never buy anything at the store cause it's just littered with his stuff. It doesn't end there either. Unless it directly bothers him he doesn't seem to throw old papers away either. Our apartment is a mess and anytime I try to tell him we need to get rid of some of this stuff he just flies off the handle. What can/should I do here?

[dangletsbang]

Move out if it's truly that bad.

 

I'll be 23 next month and live with my parents still. My mom is a hoarder too, not to an extreme...like what you see on TV but her room is terrible. If my dad and I allowed it, our refrigerator would be the same way. She's extremely sensitive when I mention anything about it or suggest counseling...a lot of her issues stem from her childhood. She was 1 of 6 in a poor family...they would get one pair of shoes for the year and two outfits..they would leave the dinner table still hungry. I sympathize with her to a certain extent but it's not a healthy way to live with tons of clutter and junk stacked up.

 

If he's unwilling to talk to you about it, I would consider moving out. If he's anything like my mother, he doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong and it's likely he never will unless he is open to counseling or therapy.

[Rockyr87]

If I had somewhere to go I would, but right now I don't. Plus my name is on the lease and it doesn't end until June. So I'm kinda screwed.

[dangletsbang]

Well take it upon yourself then to throw out the bad food or food he isn't touching. It's not healthy. Throw away the newspapers.

[metrogirl]

Living with a hoarder is really really diffiucult. My parents were/are hoarders. My father had multiple stacks of newspapers halfway to the ceiling, years worth. My mother no different, except she hoards trash. Growing up, I never had friends over to my house and the occasional kid that did happen to see my house made sure other kids knew that I was a dirty girl. If affected me deeply, affected my relationships later in life.

 

My father has since long passed away, my mother lives with me and she's till hoarding trash. Our relationship was never very stable, I was always closer to my father but I promised him I would look after her when he passed away. Naturally my relationship with her is even more strained because of the ongoing daily battle to get her to throw trash away.

 

You can beg and plead all you want but unless the person gets help, it's likely never going to change.

[lavenderdove]

Has he always been this way, or is this a recent development?

 

Sometimes this kind of sudden change in behavior can indicate anything from depression to low thyroid sapping energy to Alzheimers to a brain tumor to alcoholism. So if this is a recent change in behavior, he needs a medical evaluation.

 

But if he's always been like this, then he might need a trip to a counselor/doctor to get evaluation and medication for mental issues... hoarding can have a real OCD component to it, and OCD can be successfully treated with medication and behavior modification.

 

And sometimes hoarders feel overwhelmed and just discouraged and not able to handle it. So if you just start quietly throwing things out without confrontation, he might be grateful as long as you carefully choose things that are spoiled and rotten and obviously not of any practical use.

[meczam]

Call the TV show, I think they give the number at the end of each segment.

 

Before you know it, you'll be a movie star and dad will be getting the help he needs.

[Lonewing]

You have to accept them for who they are and let it be. If they're happy, just remember it is you who is walking on their turf, hence, you're the interloper.

[pl3asehelp]

He just sounds lazy to me. Hoarders have stuff up to the ceiling in every room and covering the floor, furniture, and any flat surface. Real hoarding always results from some past trauma , so they need herapy to discover what it was and learn he appropriate way to deal.

[meczam]

Rocky you've been living with your dad since you graduated college. Presumably for free or at least a lot less than you'd be paying for an apartment.

 

The place is a mess.

 

Why not return the favor clean it up the place and go through the frige and give it a good scrubbing, and throw away the old food yourself? Maybe even go the extra mile and fill it up with fresh food?

 

Dad can open the newly cleaned and organized refrigerator and find the stuff he can eat, and he'll be so happy.

[Not a rookie]

Dear Rocky,

My parents are hoarders, my mom taking the lead.

You should leave the house and let them be on their own.

Hoarders are ruled by fear, and this is rather contagious, you'll end up hoarding like them if you stay with them for a long time.

I suggest you move out asap.

[Not a rookie]

Rocky you've been living with your dad since you graduated college. Presumably for free or at least a lot less than you'd be paying for an apartment.

 

The place is a mess.

 

Why not return the favor clean it up the place and go through the frige and give it a good scrubbing, and throw away the old food yourself? Maybe even go the extra mile and fill it up with fresh food?

 

Dad can open the newly cleaned and organized refrigerator and find the stuff he can eat, and he'll be so happy.

 

Obviously you never lived with a hoarder. If you try to clean up they will bicker, curse, insult or even attack you. Their logic is deranged.

[Not a rookie]

There is a Yahoo Children of Hoarders Group, venting there might make you feel better, fyi.

[piruru]

And sometimes hoarders feel overwhelmed and just discouraged and not able to handle it. So if you just start quietly throwing things out without confrontation, he might be grateful as long as you carefully choose things that are spoiled and rotten and obviously not of any practical use.

 

I think this is a good way. Throw stuff away quietly and make sure to conceal it just in case he goes hunting for it. Then act dumb when he asks where such and such thing is.

 

I come from a family of hoarders and so does my partner. I've been planning to throw a lot of my mother's junk for ages but keep forgetting on waste collection days. If she knows I'm throwing things she will go absolutely berserk and pick it out of the bins, yell, insult me, etc. She has about 6 spatulas that she doesn't even use and at least 10 peelers. At least 50 glass tumblers that she doesn't use. And that's just In the kitchen.

 

Scary part is I've started developing the habit too and I'm terrified my six month old will develop hoarding so I have to make drastic changes soon.

[Lonewing]

It's socially hereditary, for whatever reason...

 

If you wan to infuriate them, start throwing their stuff away. It shows you have little to no respect for them and their right to live heir life just as they wish. It's right here in the preamble of the US constitution, Hoarding is a Right...right after Life and Liberty!!