blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 SO Proud of myself. Blocked all of our mutual friends, including my friends. IF they need to contact me, they will know how to. Yup, exactly... if it is "life-threatening" or "life-changing", they will know how to get a hold of you.. Otherwise, MOVE ON Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 yeah.. I can't believe I hesitated blocking him, it made me wonder if I'm really over him, the fact that I still wanted him to contact me. I don't want to relapse. I want to continue moving forward! Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 yeah.. I can't believe I hesitated blocking him, it made me wonder if I'm really over him, the fact that I still wanted him to contact me. I don't want to relapse. I want to continue moving forward! Yup... at least you realized it now! Of course you aren't over him, as it is way too soon. Don't move on faster than you should (although that sounds counter productive)... I am mostly leaning toward a mentality where HE'S NOT IN IT. Don't think about him or even state that you are over him... Telling yourself you are over HIM includes HIM in that phrase... He is no longer a thought in your brain, and if he happens to pop in there a few times a day or a week, think about something else... GOT IT?!!??! Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's funny though, it's only been 6 days since my break up, but I feel like I'm almost moving on too fast, it's almost abnormal? It's weird.... I am not sure if this is a good sign or not. and Yes got it Blacklantana! Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's funny though, it's only been 6 days since my break up, but I feel like I'm almost moving on too fast, it's almost abnormal? It's weird.... I am not sure if this is a good sign or not. and Yes got it Blacklantana! Just be careful... Within the first week or two, you are in the mentality of 'knowing' they are going to contact you again. By society's standards and common experience amongst this very community, the pattern will always follow the probability of it happening. He will contact you... Some people move on to get ready for what they are going to say when their ex contacts them or how they will handle it or how they will rationalize giving their ex another chance. They leave doors open (Not blocking them on facebook, hehe)... You need to move on NOT to get over him... But to HEAL for yourself. To HEAL so others may have a chance to experience the BETTER/REAL you and become more compatible in a relationship than you have in the past... When you stop thinking about being "over him", that's when you will be actually over him... Alrighty? Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Wow that was deep Blacklantana, I will need to re-read this a couple times to get the essence of this message. I don't understand how "You need to move on NOT to get over him... But to HEAL for yourself" any different? Also, I am not those people who get ready for what they are going to say when their ex contacts them, I think I'll just go with the flow which is no response unless his family member died or something. Which brings to another post I just found: The No contact rule Challenge. I really wanna try that, sounds like a lot of fun Link to comment
Iamstruggling Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I first deleted my ex and didn't block but 'friends of friends' posts still showed up on her and her new guys wall. Really not worth the pain I could see new photos of them hugging and kissing and also her declaring her love for him. She even changed her cover pic to one of them hugging which is a public image so that REALLY screwed with my head. Blocked her 3 secs later and I never want to look ever again. I still love her so I thought that if i left her unblocked I leave her a way to contact me (leaving the door open). But I was deluding myself that she ever even cared in the first place. Hope can be a painful thing to live with. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I first deleted my ex and didn't block but 'friends of friends' posts still showed up on her and her new guys wall. Really not worth the pain I could see new photos of them hugging and kissing and also her declaring her love for him. She even changed her cover pic to one of them hugging which is a public image so that REALLY screwed with my head. Blocked her 3 secs later and I never want to look ever again. I still love her so I thought that if i left her unblocked I leave her a way to contact me (leaving the door open). But I was deluding myself that she ever even cared in the first place. Hope can be a painful thing to live with. Yeah often times, when we are the dumpee, we want to leave that door open, but I really believe that if that person wants you and wants to be with you, they will make it happen. So leaving a door or not will not change anything. I first unfriended my ex because I didn't know blocking was way better, thanks to members of ENA, I realized blocking is much more powerful. So I went ahead and blocked all our mutual friends and him, I don't know who else to block. If worse come to worse, I will just deactivate Facebook. I am so glad I blocked him and everyone else, because I felt a sign of relief and I'm happy with my decision. Interestingly enough though, I had once Facebook stalked my ex long long time ago, because I needed to move on from him and I needed to confirm he's indeed in a relationship with a friend I know. As soon as I did that, I moved on. So stalking can help, but it's rare. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Wow that was deep Blacklantana, I will need to re-read this a couple times to get the essence of this message. I don't understand how "You need to move on NOT to get over him... But to HEAL for yourself" any different? Also, I am not those people who get ready for what they are going to say when their ex contacts them, I think I'll just go with the flow which is no response unless his family member died or something. Which brings to another post I just found: The No contact rule Challenge. I really wanna try that, sounds like a lot of fun Argh, I should have clarified. "You need to move on NOT to get over him... But to HEAL for yourself" Moving on with ulterior motives, spite, resentment, etc... are all bad ways of trying to move on to get over him. Such as, finding someone new in spite of him and even flaunting it (i.e. Look, I found someone better)... Waiting until they contact you to tell them off. Having ill will toward the entire situation and not reflecting on what needs to be changed (i.e. not being productive)... Healing for YOURSELF is completely independent and doesn't involved him, nor anyone else (blind date to fill the gap [loss])... And yes, go for the No Contact Challenge.. and GL Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Healing for YOURSELF is completely independent and doesn't involved him Thanks for the reminder, will tell that to myself everyday and stick to it! Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Hope can be a painful thing to live with. Hope is painful, but accepting reality isn't. It's actually a beautiful thing... Once you give up that hope and completely awful reasoning for why you would reconcile if you had the chance, everything becomes translucent. Why does the alcoholic keep drinking? It's comfortable. It's familiar. It's what makes him happy. It's what he thinks happiness is. He thinks happiness is the band aid.... No sir, happiness is the medicine. Closure is the band aid Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Hope is painful, but accepting reality isn't. It's actually a beautiful thing... Once you give up that hope and completely awful reasoning for why you would reconcile if you had the chance, everything becomes translucent. Why does the alcoholic keep drinking? It's comfortable. It's familiar. It's what makes him happy. It's what he thinks happiness is. He thinks happiness is the band aid.... No sir, happiness is the medicine. Closure is the band aid Well said blacklantana. Hopefully one day I will get there. I need to remind myself not to rush things, don't give myself too much pressure to HEAL not to MOVE ON. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Well said blacklantana. Hopefully one day I will get there. I need to remind myself not to rush things, don't give myself too much pressure to HEAL not to MOVE ON. Hehe, now you are getting it! Just look at this way... Once you start healing, you won't even realize that you are ALSO moving on. It all falls into place, quite nicely, might I add Now is when you can start setting the bar higher. Don't let any joe-shmo come into your life like the other one Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Hehe, now you are getting it! Just look at this way... Once you start healing, you won't even realize that you are ALSO moving on. It all falls into place, quite nicely, might I add Now is when you can start setting the bar higher. Don't let any joe-shmo come into your life like the other one Setting the bar higher is an understatement now. Hehe Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Setting the bar higher is an understatement now. Hehe Haha... I like what you did there Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Haha... I like what you did there There was something I did that I regret now. On the day of the break up, he gave me money for a cab but I didn't want to take it. But he insisted so I took it. I decided to mail him back his money and I included a card he gave me on our sixth month mark, where he declared how special this relationship is to him and he included his key at the bottom of the card. I decided to mail the card back to him and said" I threw away your key". I did it cuz I was angry at him but now I don't think it was necessary to include the card. I don't want him to text me when he gets in the email and just bug me about it. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 There was something I did that I regret now. On the day of the break up, he gave me money for a cab but I didn't want to take it. But he insisted so I took Why would you regret that? It's quite trivial. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Why would you regret that? It's quite trivial. There's more to the earlier post, I pressed submit too fast Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Shouldn't matter if he texts you or bugs you about anything.... You are going no contact, remember? Whatever happened doesn't matter anymore, so leave your past behind. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Shouldn't matter if he texts you or bugs you about anything.... You are going no contact, remember? Whatever happened doesn't matter anymore, so leave your past behind. True. If it happens it happens and I will deal with it. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I guess I just don't want him to text me and be like why you do this and that. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I guess I just don't want him to text me and be like why you do this and that. Again, shouldn't matter Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Can guys explain this to me, I've looked at other girls posts and I've had this happened to me twice. Why do men move on to a new girl almost instantly after a break up? I just don't get it. How could they do that? I've heard it's biological cuz they think with their penis or because they were the dumper so they move on a lot faster. Why? All men welcome Link to comment
Animal Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Anymore, simply pressing "Like" on an FB page is considered to be stalking them. I remember when you had to actually threaten the person to be considered to be stalking them. It seems like we're not too far off from when simply farting in their general direction is enough to get the "stalker" tag pinned on you. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Can guys explain this to me, I've looked at other girls posts and I've had this happened to me twice. Why do men move on to a new girl almost instantly after a break up? I just don't get it. How could they do that? I've heard it's biological cuz they think with their penis or because they were the dumper so they move on a lot faster. Why? All men welcome There's nothing gender-specific about this behavior. If you read through the posts here, you'll see plenty of women do it too. Link to comment
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