I'd Like Some Input From The Men On Here Please!

[Hurting in Manitoba]

How do men really feel about getting involved with someone who has a

 

child(ren)? Please respond honestly.

[crookster_man]

Well I'm 23 and to be honest I'm no where near ready to settle down with a woman. Dating a woman with kids could be fun, but I very much doubt it would happen. Not because kids are bad, but just becuase I'm not their yet emotionally or physically to raise kids.

 

That's just me of course. It takes a special kind of guy to take on kids that aren't theirs. Good luck with this. They do exist, just hard to find and probably not in the obvious places.

[JonnyG]

My ex was 30 (i was 21 at time). she had a child of 6. To be honest I am mature enough to respect that some people may have children. Although I don't think my mum and dad would be. Were not together anymore anyway

[shademan]

Back out on the whole thing , Simply i'm not willing to accept the fact that i'm not the real parent and second the kids aren't willing to accept a stranger as a guide so .....

[avman]

You'll get a wide variety of answers here. Some people just don't want children. Others do, but only if they are their own biological children. And still others don't really care and would love to be with children in any case.

 

Don't consider the fact that you have a child a liability when it comes to dating. Otherwise your potential partners will see it that way also. See it as something special and unique that you bring to the relationship. If your potential mate doesn't see it that way - its THEIR loss.

[crookster_man]

Thanks Avman couldn't have said it better.

[diverp]

I have two points of view on this. First, my girlfriend lived with a guy for a year or two who had a son. THey got along pretty well, but they had issues with the boy's mother and it just wasn't a real family feeling to her. For that reason, she told me she would never date a guy again who had children. Its just too much baggage (for her at least). Now, I have dated someone with a child too. It is a lot of responsibility. I mean, I needed to keep in mind that I can't get too attached with this kid because what happens if things don't work out with the mother in a month or two? That's not fair on the kid. Personally, when I have kids I do want my own kids. That sounds kind of cold, but I know I wouldn't be doing anyone any favors if I tried hide that fact when dating someone with children.

 

Now, that being said, if I happened to find someone who was fantastic, someone who was just a match on many levels who I really couldn't see giving up, I would probably stick it out. I would hope this woman would shelter her child from the dating for a while until she got a commitment out of me just to save the childs feelings before he/she gets too attached to mom's new boyfriend. Of course, all guys (and women for that matter) are different and some have different comfort levels with stuff like that. This is just my personal opinion.

[tea]

And that is why, if I ever get divorced but already have children, the children are going with their fathers and will probably hardly ever see me.

 

I can fight for my own ideals but I can't change people's minds...

[OceanEyes]

I agree with Avman; there are going to be so many different opinions on this one that it will be difficult to get a solid answer.

 

I think that any guy who will not be with you, or give things a chance because you have kids, is definitely not the kind of guy for you anyhow. It's not that I am trying to tell you who is right or wrong for you, but any guy that wouldn't want to be around your kid, probably wouldn't sit well with you in the first place.

[sparkey]

I have dated a few women with children and for me, there is a lot of responsibility and it takes a lot of patience.

 

1. You have to be aware going in that there will be many days when you will not be a high priority in the days events. I mean, the kids needs come first and that is how it should be.

 

2. If there are ex's involved, you have to deal with their real Dad's and acept the fact that their Dad will always be in their life.

 

3. Accept the fact that there will not be as much "alone time" as there would be with someone that is single.

 

WIth that being said, I have found that it can also be very wonderful and amazing. THe looks on childrens faces when you take the time to really listen to them and acknowledge them. The silliness they have within themselves.

 

Some guys just can't bring themselves to go there. THey feel intimidated and out of control with kids.

 

I think they are missing out, but everyone is different. There are guys out there that love children though and will date a woman with kids. Heck the woman I am dating has three!!

[artapalooza]

My experience:

I am 37 and my g/f and I are currently breaking up, but not because of her child. She was the first "mother" I have dated and I felt very nervous about meeting her daughter and getting to know her daughter because I was afraid of her getting used to seeing me...she is only 4 years old...soon to be 5.

Well, the opposite has happened as well. I got used to seeing her daughter and I really care for that spunky, energetic girl. It makes me so sad that I will not be able to be there anymore.

I don't mind dating women with children, but I think I will not get so close next time.