Struggling Military Relationship

[Amanda123]

Hi, I want to start by saying that I have never written on a website like this before. By trying this out, I hope you can understand how upset I am. Thank you taking the time to read.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and I was in the happiest relationship I have ever been in, until recently. We are both in the military, on the same base, and have a very close friendship. I trust him completely and can hang with him just as I would with any of my best friends. Not a day passes where I dont do something for him, even if it is the smallest of gestures to make him smile. From the very beginning, he has told me that he plans to switch his military job back to being "Infantry". I didnt care at first because I didnt look that far ahead. Then as we grew into our relationship, I started to think about him leaving more often and still tried to make him as happy as I possibly could, every chance I got, in hopes that he would make some kind of plans for after he leaves... proposal, move in together, something... he doesnt like talking about it. As the time gets closer to him leaving, the thought becomes more bold in my mind that this will end. He has told me many times that the Infantry is no place for a relationship, for he will deploy all the time or always be in the field training. He already works long hours and will work even longer hours in the Infantry.

 

Now, the dreaded time is here. He turned all the paperwork in and is waiting for a date to leave to another Infantry unit. I have tried many times to talk about what will happen to our relationship once the paperwork is finalized and he keeps telling me that things will not work between us. I know I am pushing him away by always wanting to talk about it and being sad about him leaving. We are so close though, that he wants to remain friends. If he asked me to marry him today, I would say yes. I feel so strongly for him and it feels like he just stomped on my heart. How can I accept just a friendship, all of a sudden, from what we had? How can he be so okay with just ending our relationship so easily for a friendship? I will stay friends with him, because we are great together, but I am so crushed. I dont even know where to start our friendship. I want him to want a relationship with me again. If he cant do that because it truly wont work, I want him to know how hurt I am. But I cant just keep telling him and asking for him to talk about it because I am only pushing him away. What do I do? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?

[Seraphim]

Both my husband and I were in the military. I am out now but he is still in. It is not so much "infantry" that is the problem but more your bf's attitude. My husband has been in the military since he was 16 and we have been together for 25 years. You can certainly overcome distance. He is just telling you he does not WANT to.

 

Personally, I would not stay friends because if there is intense emotions and heart break, "pretending" to be a friend does not work. You will only set back your own healing by a country mile. He wants to be friends to "keep the door open" in case he misses you and wants you back then he has less work to do. Maybe you can be a friend a year or something down the road, but now? Probably not.

 

I am sorry he does not feel it would work out. Just know that many military people even infantry WANT to keep their relationships.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah, it just sounds like he is not interested in committing to you.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot change someone's heart. As hard as it will be, you just have to accept it.