DarkPixie Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I don't know what to do about my (ex)boyfriend. Sometimes he says he loves me, and other times he says he doesn't know what he wants out of life. We've been together for years, he's told me many times that I'm the only one who's ever understood him...but he cheated on me. He says he's confused about what to do, he realized he can't be happy with anyone else but me - so why isn't he with me? He called me a few days ago, saying he needed to hear my voice, and we cried together and he admitted to missing me...but he hasn't talked to me since then. I think he knows that I would take him back and I want to work it out. I really want to know if he's all right, I'm worried about him. I asked him to let me know if he's okay, but got no answer. He is my light, my home, my everything, the only man I've ever loved. I feel so broken and alone right now, as if no one will ever love me. I can't even function normally. I'm scared I'll never see him again. I just want him to talk to me! Link to comment
lemondust Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 The first thing I feel I want to comment on is the last paragraph, where you say..."as if no one will ever love me". Is it possible you're not loving yourself enough? And maybe that is where you could start: by loving you first. He obviously sounds confused.....and there are tons of confused people out there, all they do by swinging back and forth is cause other people misery, instead of giving themselves time and space to figure out what they want, they play emotional boomerang with other people's feelings. It sounds like you are an emotional crutch for him. You give him reassurance that someone out there loves him. But what about you? It's leaving you feeling broken and alone, so he isn't adding anything of value to your sense of well-being and happiness is he? It's hard, but there are times when we have to stop looking outside of ourselves for some happiness/love and focus inwards on ourselves....and find that warm happy, self-fulfilling place within us. Someone once told me: "you've got to love yourself, before anyone else can love you." You are in bits worrying about him.....start thinking about you, and let him toddle off to look after himself. You say he is your light, your home, your everything, but....it's not actually healthy to put so much into another human being. It inevitably leads to hurt and disappointment. Link to comment
DarkPixie Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 But see, he's told me these things, too. I think that he really does love me, but maybe we jumped into it too fast. He contacted me again today and seems open to conversation. I guess we'll just take it slowly. It now sounds as if he regrets everything that's happened and the longer we're apart, the more he realizes he misses me. How do I tell him I don't need him, giving him the space to reevaluate his feelings for me, without him really thinking I don't need him? I don't want to burn any bridges if there's any chance for our relationship to blossom again. I guess the real issue is how to let someone go but let them know they're welcome back? Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 He cheated on you and then broke up with you. Why do you want to get back together with him? It sounds like he does not respect you, or care about you as much as you care about him. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 How do I tell him I don't need him, giving him the space to reevaluate his feelings for me, without him really thinking I don't need him? I don't want to burn any bridges if there's any chance for our relationship to blossom again. I guess the real issue is how to let someone go but let them know they're welcome back? You have no idea what you want and that is why this is so difficult. The minute you figure out what you really want, things will be easier. Link to comment
lemondust Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 But see, he's told me these things, too. I think that he really does love me, but maybe we jumped into it too fast. He contacted me again today and seems open to conversation. I guess we'll just take it slowly. It now sounds as if he regrets everything that's happened and the longer we're apart, the more he realizes he misses me. How do I tell him I don't need him, giving him the space to reevaluate his feelings for me, without him really thinking I don't need him? I don't want to burn any bridges if there's any chance for our relationship to blossom again. I guess the real issue is how to let someone go but let them know they're welcome back? It sounds like you're in "waiting mode"....going to see what he does, if things develop and turn into the relationship you want again with him. It's a dangerous game to play DarkPixie, because you are like a boat on his ocean...whatever he does is going to affect you. This is why when someone is confused and unsure, and he may well love you and have honest intentions towards you, but as the saying goes: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." It's not easy but you really need to look deep inside yourself and think about what is best for you right now. Link to comment
DarkPixie Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 I suppose. Oh, I do know that I want him, it's not that. It's just that I don't want him thinking it's too late to reconcile by giving up on him, or having it look as if I'm giving up on him. I'm worried about mixed signals. I think I just need a clear way to say, "hey, I think we can work this out. When you're ready to talk, I'll be here." in such a way that he gets the message, but doesn't feel forced. I think I'm saying the wrong things to him, so I'm holding back for now. I really want to fix my broken half of the relationship. I guess I'm saying the wrong things to you guys as well. I was really upset when I first posted. I'm trying to figure out how to start a conversation again, just get us talking and maybe it will work or maybe it won't. I don't want to sound too forceful but I want to make my meaning clear. I want him back. I'm going to actively work at keeping our relationship going, but I need his help. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I don't want to burn any bridges if there's any chance for our relationship to blossom again. I guess the real issue is how to let someone go but let them know they're welcome back? Yet, he burned the biggest bridge when he chose to cheat on you. In addition to that, welcoming back the person who cheated on you equals giving them a pat on the back, as well as a free pass to cheat on you again. I think it's time to take a step back, and place a higher price tag on yourself. Link to comment
lemondust Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I agree with HeartGoesOn...also....if you don't want to give mixed signals DarkPixie then make yourself clear. So clear that there is no room for misinterpretation. He is important to you, you want a relationship with him and are prepared to work at it, but if he doesn't want the same thing, then he must leave you alone to heal and find someone who does. Then step away, and see if he steps up to the table. If not then, is he really worth all this angst? Link to comment
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