I have to choose between spending time with my boyfriend and with my BFF - HELP!

[greta96]

I've been dating someone for 2 months now. Even though I know he's not "the one", I do like him, I feel good in his company, and I enjoy the physical part as well. We are taking it one day at a time, he is more into me than I am into him, but he seems ok with the way things are. We both have busy lives, so we see each other maybe once during the week for a quick coffee or dinner, and once over the weekend (usually I spend the night at his place Saturday into Sunday).

 

Before I met him, I had a long dating hiatus, and was going every weekend out dancing with my BFF. Me and her had our share of problems, she dumped me as a friend twice already, every time she had a boyfriend, but when we go out, we have a great time. I'm not sure how she feels about me dating this guy, because she has always been the one who wanted a relationship desperately, and now she's single, while I wasn't even looking for a relationship, and I'm in one.

 

Anyway, I figured a good way to spend time with both my b/f and BFF was to go out dancing together, and we've been a couple of times. However, now my BFF refuses to go out with me if my b/f is coming, because she says she feels awkward (she doesn't want to be seen alone, while I'm with a guy) and she is bored. As a side note, I'm not the type to cling all over my b/f when out, I would most definitely not leave my BFF alone, so she has no reason to feel that way. Besides, there are other people there that we know, so she would never be totally alone.

 

This puts me in between a rock and a hard place, because on one hand Saturday is the only night I can see my b/f, and on the other, I cannot tell him that I want to go to a club alone, and ask him not to come, as that would raise suspicions (with good reason). But I also don't want to upset my BFF and I feel guilty if she stays home alone on a Saturday night. She is not the easiest person to please, so she doesn't really understand my point of view. On the other hand, my b/f is getting annoyed with this drama of me having to choose between him and her.

 

So what's the best thing to do here? Should I please my BFF, especially since I suspect my relationship won't last too much longer anyway? Should I enjoy the time I have left in the relationship, and hope my BFF sticks around?

 

I don't know why things must be so difficult, when my BFF had a b/f, I never had any problem going out with them, to me he was an extra friend to have fun with, and I knew other people in the venue anyway so I was never alone or felt awkward. I don't know why my BFF can't feel the same way!?

[Ms Darcy]

I think the bigger issue is that your BFF is a horrid friend and you should actually address that inconsistency soon. Secondly, I don't see an issue if you want to have a date night with your guy once a week. You can work some other night out with your friend.

[greta96]

I think the bigger issue is that your BFF is a horrid friend and you should actually address that inconsistency soon. Secondly, I don't see an issue if you want to have a date night with your guy once a week. You can work some other night out with your friend.

 

You're right about the first part (I had some posts about that in "Friendship and Friends" a while ago), but...well...she's still the only BFF I've got.

The issue is that she doesn't do anything else with me other than clubbing (on that specific night - Saturday), and that's because she is trying to meet a guy. That's why it was all good when I was single, but now I guess I'm not "useful" anymore

[Ms Darcy]

I think you should address these issues with her.