Am I supposed to be the one who gives everything?

[guitarman]

Hey guys ....

 

I'm feeling kind of vexed and confused now ... this will be kind of long ... so bear with it for a while yeah?

 

I got romantically involved with this lady whom I got to know onboard ship 2 months ago. I've been working onboard the ship for the past four years and I've recently got to know a female colleague who happened to be working at another department onboard.

 

We've seen each other around for the past years actually but never really got to know each other. There was this one evening when I had an early assignment on the next day that I decided to stay onboard to save on transport early next morning. I was playing my guitar on the upper deck when she suddenly appeared and was sitting next to me ... listening to me Singing with my guitar. Well that was a really good start for a friendship to be built.

 

Subsequently, we called each other up, met up pretty often ... we just have so much to talk about and laugh about. We laughed at the sillest things and had lots of fun together. We grew closer and closer ... and gradually ... we were fond of each other.

 

We've been together for the past 2 months and things went on pretty well for the start. But it was until recently that things starts to turn out NOT exactly the way I foreseen.

 

She has a past issue. She was dumped by her ex in the previous relationship and she was devastated. She told me that she couldn't trust anyone as completely as she did anymore. But I told her that i didn't mind as long as we are together .... I believe that time can heal all wounds and I was sure that trust can be developed from experience.

 

But i realised that in many occasions .... she demands Love from me and yet refuse to give Love to me. She dropped hints here and there, implying that she wanted good night kisses, Love letters, "I love you" and "I miss you", etc .... but when it comes to me ... she would be very often be evasive .... avoids the question by asking me to "trust my feelings" and "what i think is right".

 

She had been going through a rather hard time this week. Her grandma passed away and she was having exams for the part time degree course. I tried to show her care and concern by sending her messages and calling her. But evertime I send her a message, I either get no reply, or a "one word" answer. I sent her a message last night ..... i received no reply again .... and called her. All these effort to show care and concern resulted in a hasty tone in her voice to get me off the phone. I mean .... is that how you talk to a boyfriend? Even if you are busy or stressed ... don't you find comfort to hear the voice of someone you love? Or can't you tell me you are busy in a more polite or gentle manner?

 

That was not the first time it happened. Is that the way people talk to a person they are romantically involved in? Like as if i was a fly trying to intrude their privacy?

 

It seems that this relationship in fueled by one single driving force .... that's me. It used to be so different .... she would call me 5 to 6 times a day just to find out what i was doing. She would send me "good mornings" every day without fail .... and I would do the same for her. It's like we would both do things to give each other attention .. show love.

 

But right now ... I'm the one who is left doing all these things. I don;'t know what's happening ... 2 months of being together and I haven't even heard a single "I love you" from her. She still introduces me as a "colleague" to her family and friends. It's like:

 

Glenn: "I love you dear"

Priscilla: ". . . . . . . ."

 

What's happening man? Is she losing interest in me? Or does she still love me and she wants me to be the "man" to do things for her? Is it normal for ladies to behave that way? Any Ladies out there can answer my question??

 

 

Going Mad

Glenn Guitarman Fong

[sunfirechick]

This girl is not being fair to you. I suggest you bring yourself down to the level at which she shows her affection to you.

 

She will surely have something to say about it, and question why you no longer send her the frequent notes and letters. Explain to her that you thought that was what she wanted, but her actions proved otherwise.

[RayKay]

I would withdraw a bit. There is no reason for her to give/chase, when you are doing it all for her anyway. She knows how you feel, now just as sunfirechick suggested above, take a couple steps back and see how she responds to it.

 

If she does nothing, possibly her feelings are not as invested in it as yours are and you will have to consider your options. If she does start to wonder what is up, and chase, then maybe she is interested but was so used to you doing all the work.

 

2 months is too early for many people to say I love you, she may just not be sure....so stop saying it to her for a while. If you are always the one to say it, she never really has to think about it. Sounds like she has been hurt, and that could affect things, but whom knows, she could heal also with some patience on your part.

 

People are attracted to those whom fulfill them emotionally, but are also aloof and independent...so be a little more independent

 

Good luck!

[guitarman]

Hey ... thanks for your advices ... at least what you guys had said had shed some light. I did spoke to her regarding the tone of her voice she used on me the other night. She told me that's how she behaves when she gets stressed. She promised not to "disappear" during exam season.

 

Anyway, i guess you really made sense .... I shouldn't be the one giving it all the way. There must always be a balance of give and take in a relationship. I know I have the ability to choose how much priority I give to her ..... but just that at that point I need a reason make such a decision. I guess it's only right for me to lower that priority until we take this relationship to the next level. And if she is unable to do so .... I'll have to re-evaluated if she is really the one for me ....