Emotional Relationship, Need Advice

[Jeffster]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm in a situation with a girl I have been friends with for over six years. Recently, I've come to realize that even though we are technically just friends that there are actually feelings between us and now I'm torn over what to do about it... If anything.

 

Her and I have always had a somewhat flirty relationship. I know there were several times when it could have turned physical except that I was always involved in a serious relationship and I didn't want to cheat. Because of this we bacame really good friends instead. I mean, we talk on the phone at least once a week. We hang out at least once a month and as a matter of fact, we were roomates for about nine months. This has been going on for over six years so we know each other really well.

 

I really don't want to loose that, but lately we have been getting really close. She sent me a text on Valentine's day that said I love you. And the problem is, I know she really does and I know I love her too. It's a really strange situation for us to be basically in love and yet just friends. That's the problem and I don't know what I should do about it. We have been friends for soo long and the thought of being anything more... Well, I just don't know because there's more to it than just that. As usual, it's complicated.

 

In the last year I split with my girlfriend of six years. That meant for the first time since I met this girl, I was single and I wouldn't be cheating on anyone. But, as fate would have it, she met someone else just before I split with my ex. As a mater of fact she is about to move in with him next week. That's the rub. For most of the time I was the one involved with someone and now it's her turn.

 

I don't know how much this other guy knows about her and I, but I'm sure she has minimized our involvement to him. I'm sure he has no idea that we have this emotional relationship going on between us. I also don't know how serious it is between the two of them. Actually, I'm truly happy for her if he turns out to be the man of her dreams. That's part of the reason we are such good friends. We stay out of each others way.

 

The thing is, I'm now having a hard time being just friends with her as my feelings have gotten much stronger in the last year. Because of this, being just friends is getting a little painful. In a perfect world I would want more with her.

 

Normally in this situation I would probably just walk away and forget about it, but I can't do that to her. We have been friends for so long and I don't want to hurt her. On the other hand, by staying with her as her friend I suffer a little. It's not easy to be in this type of position. By remaining friends with her I also think she is having her cake and eating it too. I'm sure at some level she is keeping me around as a possible plan B if it doesn't work with the other guy. I don't really like that. The question is, what do I do?

 

Do I act on my feelings, have a talk with her, lay it all out and see what she thinks?

 

Do I start distancing myself from her?

 

Should I try to man it out, say nothing, find another girlfriend and try to just stay friends with her?

 

Either way I'm starting to think emotional relationships are for the birds. I'm not sure how this happened and I'm even less sure of what to do about it.

[Klokwurk]

I'm so sorry man. That sounds awful.

 

Don't lay it all out. Just man up. She knows you love her. She knows you know she loves you.

 

If you were the one who was left by your last girlfriend, I also think you need more time to heal.

[Jeffster]

Hey Klok, thanks for the reply. I ended it with my last girlfriend and I'm over it. And It's not like it's a really awful situation. I'm not in major emotional pain or loosing any sleep over it, I'm just not sure how to handle it. I'm starting to think her and I just need to at least acknowledge what's really going on. It's starting to get a little lame to just keep pretending we're nothing more than friends. It's almost gotten rediculous. But at the same time, I don't want to mess up our friendship... But maybe it's already messed up by the fact that there are feelings involved. I wish I had a crystal ball that worked.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, you kinda had her as a plan B when you were in a relationship too.

 

I would say just back off from her. I suspect you are each other's back-ups.

[Jeffster]

That was a very insightful post Ms Darcy. Thanks for that. I never looked at it like that, but there is some truth to it.

[Klokwurk]

Yea, I totally agree with Ms Darcy.