Alone, worried and scared. I hate myself right now.

[Springs]

I was driving my friend's car and I reversed into a parked car. The other car did not appear to have any damage and I drove on. I've been back 4 times to check the car. I think it's the same one but am not 100% sure. I hate myself. I feel like a ****ty crappy person. I was so scared and shocked and I have no money or insurance and I didn't know what to do. My friend's car has some damage at the back and feels like it has a lack of power. I told her I reversed into a tree. I couldn't face being honest cos I'm a complete coward.

 

I genuinely feel suicidal right now. I'm so far away from home and all by myself. I'm on the other side of the world from where I want to be right now. I have so many problems and worries and now I feel like the worst person in the world. I surprised myself at how reckless and selfish I am. I haven't eaten or slept for 24 hours. I don't feel like I deserve it. I just want the world to swallow me up or make me up from this horrible bad dream. I'm so sick of it all. I feel like people would be better off if I wasn't here. I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lizzie2011]

A lot of people go through rough patches like this. Its not a permanent state of affairs. There will be better days ahead. Think of it, the average person lives until 70 or there about so if you mess up one day that leaves you a whole bunch of other days to fix the mess. You need to tell your friend the truth about the accident. Stop circling the other car. Talk to a counselor or someone you trust about all the other problems that you haven't mentioned. I think you would be surprised to learn how many people have gone through similar things and bounced right back. You're not the first person to back into a parked car. I did that too ... I wasn't drunk, tired or stressed out. I pressed the gas too hard and the car went right back into the other car. It happens. Hopefully this will be a funny story in about 10 years.

[lavenderdove]

Aw honey it was just a fender bender! The average person has some kind of accident/collision once every 7 years, so you will have many more before you're done and this was just minor and didn't damage the other car. Your friend's insurance most likely covers the cost of any repairs, and if not, then you can work out a payment plan to pay them back.

 

If you are somewhere you don't want to be, then you don't need to be suicidal, you just need to put your energies into making plans to move to where you want to be. When you get really upset and frustrated like this, it means you have been ignoring your feelings and continuing to plow down a path that is just making you more and more unhappy. The great news is that you can change your life any time you please. If it is not working out where you are, then immediately start to make plans to change and move in a direction that you know will make you feel better rather than feeling stuck where you are. You don't need to kill yourself, you need to start LISTENING to your own emotions and move in the right direction rather than continuing in a situation that makes you feel trapped and miserable. You may not be able to move tomorrow, but you can start planning and doing things that will help you get out of your rut.

[blueidealist24]

If the other car doesn't appear to have any damage, I wouldn't be too worried.

[Celadon]

I've backed into a parked car AND I've backed into a tree. And, a truck once backed into my parked car and damaged it (the driver tried to avoid responsibility by parking elsewhere, but my friend happened to see the whole thing and called the cops).

 

Yes, these things can be very upsetting and embarrassing, but please believe me that your life is worth so much more than this mistake. I think it's just hitting you hard because you're in a foreign country, and you are stressed out about money issues. You want to do the right thing but you're afraid.

 

I agree with lavenderdove. Things can change in your life. Maybe everything is piled on now, but we climb out of bad situations by taking a step at a time. Long time ago I was living away from home and had to stay there until the summer. I was very lonely. Every day until I could leave I made a mark on my calendar, counting the days until I could go. I tried to find things I wanted to do before I left, like going for a hike and seeing some of the local sights. Even walking around and taking pictures! It helped the time go faster.

 

For finances, do you have any family back home who could help you out temporarily? I read your post about not liking your job, so could you take even a part-time job (clerical or retail or restaurant?) just to have a little money for rent and food?

[Springs]

Thank you all so much. The only person I have told the truth to about this is my ex. I am too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone else. Your comments make me feel better but I still feel horrendous and I know worse things can happen but literally for the past 2 or 3 months everything has gone wrong for me! Even my friends and family can't believe what a run of bad luck I've had.

 

I left my old job a couple of months ago and I was jobless for about 2 weeks. This is a very expensive country and I'm only on a working holiday visa so I don't have any money to fall back on. I was literally broke. I needed a car to get to my new job so my good friend (whos car I have now wrecked lent me money to get a car. As soon as I got the car I intended to start the job which pays decent and I had no other debts so thought I could pay her back in a couple of weeks. But the car I bought is second hand and rubbish.. cos I might only be here another few months I didn't really care if it isn't flashy. But it's had problem after problem wrong with it and I can't even afford to get it fixed yet. That's why I was driving my other friend's car.

 

I told work I'm leaving on friday as I really really hated it and it was making me more miserable. But I have a new job now. But I really need a car for this one. There is something definitely up with her car it's not feeling right at all and making weird noises. So now I have to fix her car and fix my own and pay her back. I'm so worried in case someone saw me the other day and gave her reg to the police or something.

 

I feel the worst I have ever felt right now. To top it all off my best friend got married at home yesterday and I couldn't be there cos I have no money. I just wish all this wasn't hapening. I dunno how much more I can take of all this worry and stress and what else is going to go wrong for me I came here for a good time and now it's all turned to ****. I appreciate all the support here because I can't take this true story to anyone else really. Thank you so much for listening and giving some help.

[Springs]

I have really had enough. I'm so low right now. I miss my family, I miss my home. I am so tired of this worry and unrest. I am so depressed. I hate life right now. I just want to turn back time so things weren't such a mess. I feel a million miles away from everyone I love and care about. I guess because I am. What can I do to make myself feel better about life

[Celadon]

Enjoy small moments because if you keep hoping and wanting the big things to be a reality now, you'll keep hitting your head against the wall, so to speak.

 

What kind of small things? Soak in a bath. Go for a walk in nature and listen carefully and breathe deeply. Listen to really good music on Youtube. Play with a cat. Bake bread. Volunteer to help someone who is less fortunate than you are. Pick wildflowers and leave them on someone's doorstep. Don't focus on accomplishing anything; focus on experiencing something small and pleasurable.