do NOT understand why he's done this- again

[BlkLagoon]

I'm 28, met my boyfriend(?) 5 years ago. He is 23 years older than me. We live in separate states- had a long distance relationship for 4 years, then there was an argument (I was jealous over nothing) and he completely stopped communicating with me for about 2 months!! By then, I gave up and moved on. 9 months later, I decided to email him to see how he was. We got back together (this was in June of this year). He said he'd been trying to reach me for a long time. I had changed my email and phone after that 2 month period of not hearing from him.

We've seen eachother since then, but that meeting was difficult - too many emotional issues to deal with. But we worked through it and came out of that even stronger.

Everything was going great. Then last weekend, I was in this crappy mood and being difficult in a few emails. It made him angry. I didn't think much of it, and asked him something like "well are you just going to give up on everything" and he replied "Yes, based on everything you wrote here I'm giving up." What I wrote wasn't rude, but it was arguing my point about the issue we were discussing. It wasn't anything -huge- but he said it reminded him of the argument we'd had the last time we saw eachother (3 months prior!). He wrote me a couple times the next day and I figured we were going to get past it, he told his side of the story.

So I apologized, changed my tone, made sure to say reassuring things... figured it would be ok. However, the last I heard from him was on Saturday- 5 days of no word from him. He knows how much it hurt me the last time he just disappeared, I had to go through counselling to try and fight that confusion. He's left everything up in the air, as far as I can tell. I've asked him in messages "Are we through? Does this mean the relationship is definitely over?", and no reply.

 

Why would someone do this after so many years, and reconcilation, without even a good bye? And if I still don't hear anything from him in a week or so, how do I cope with this? I know I'll need to "move on", but it seems impossible without any closure.

More info: he's been married 3 times and was the petitioner for divorce each time.

He has a very busy schedule, but we used to talk every single day before this.

He's always been very dominant within the relationship and likes for me to be very submissive.

 

Thanks, and hope to hear back from anyone who might have advice.

PS- does anyone think he could be bipolar?? This shutting off thing is just bizarre!

[Leslii]

He is dominant and wants you to be submisssive- I hope you are NOT!!!

This guy is a total jerk. Something is not right with him. It is time for you

to move on, even if it hurts. You can't be a puppet for some OLD DOMINATING JERK who lives 4 states away. Who does he think he is disappearing and reappearing when he feels like it. But you are allowing it even if you don't like it. Stop this dysfunctional relationship and move on.

Why does he do it??? First of all because he can. Or maybe he wants to see you beg for him. Maybe he needed space. Or another woman and when it didn't work out he knew you would be there so here he comes again. But whatever the reason he should be respectful enough to let you know. Don't allow him to walk in and out of your life when he pleases, this is your life not his. You need to get some guts and stand up to this guy.

[Vanilla]

jesus talk about fake love. im sorry when you love someone you work things through thick and thin. I know LDRs are a pain in the butt but come on, dont get into one if you know youre gonna get out of the relationship the second it doesnt go the way you want it to. You need to stay away from this man. Move on with your life and have NC with him. He is unstable and needs to resolve his own issues. How can you trust someone who turns their back on you like that possibly when you need them the most?

[tea]

I think he's trying to get you under total control. Some men just like their women with absolutely no opinions... I hope you don't satisfy him by giving him just that.

 

Your opinions and your views are just as valid or more valid than his. Why should you have to change your tone just because you don't agree with him? Shouldn't he be the one to change his and seriously consider your view?

 

If he wants to go, I'd say, let him. From now on, you should be the one deciding whether he gets to see you or not, not him. You should be the one taking control, and if he doesn't like it, let him go. There are definitely better men who'll treat you better out there.

 

 

... not to mention... 3 failed marriages? What does that tell you about him when he can be unsatisfied with 3 ex-wives. Isn't he a little bit too picky and hard to live with?

[mamamaria]

guys are about 0.0006% of what life is about. relationships are great but who needs a crappy one...one with more downs then ups...you got over him once you said, and you can do it again ...maybe for good this time.