Yet another thread on the ex's upcoming birthday!!

[Brokebutno1]

So i'll keep this short...

 

We dated for almost 2 years, i was very loving but due to immaturity and it being my first relationship she later told me i didn't make her feel loved and supported. She has severe depression/anxiety and she pushed me away and left me, in a cowardly way but being a few months ago i now see it's what i most likely deserved

 

I'm passed the depressed, needy stageand am now just filled with regret. She dumped me via emailsaying she needed time to work on herself/family so i replied and kept it cordial and told her how i love her so (despite being quite desperate/clingy originally) and i actually asked her not to contact me for a while because i love her and couldn't do the friend thing anytime soon and had to heal. I was also upset/very confused over seeing her on a few dating websites...She had said in her email we were no good for each other and she didn't want to get back together, but we had a chance in the future. That was 3 weeks ago, we haven't spoken since. I initiated no contact as she was hardly replying to me anyway and my self esteem was taking a big hit.

 

So it's her birthday in a few days, and i want to send a simple email wishing her the best. I however still love her and think i would take it hard if i got back a simple 'thanks', or worse, nothing.

 

I know NC is the best way to move on but if she said she felt unloved, won't not saying anything just reinforce that inside her and make me look bitter/petty over the breakup?

 

I admit my initial motive with NC was to make her miss me and all that BS desperado's in my situation can find on the net to give hope but...i do want her back, though she clearly doesn't want to try. Damn i'm so confused!

 

I'd love any advice, this website has given me so much indirectly over the last few months and i feel an immensely strong connection with everyone here, knowing many are in this boat with me!

[toby17]

In the end, it's not your birthday. Stop putting this much thought into it. Do you think she'll put this much thought into yours?

I think you need to avoid contact with her until you get out of the "it was all my fault" stage.

 

What you're doing is taking too much responsibility for the boat that is your relationship. But your ex has left the boat. So you can stop sitting in the boat trying to row it single-handedly. Get out and let the boat float away - she doesn't care what happens to the boat and it's time you stop caring too.

[SpiritofFire]

I've been in your situation before, and yes I did wished her Happy Birthday only a month to early!!! o.O lolozlzololzlol. That was something, especially when she corrected me, and then real day came and I said same thing. Not to get a response out of her, but genuinely wish her Happy Birthday, because I wanted to and to her it was a big deal. Do it because you want to, do because she deserves it. After all you guys know each other, no need to carry guilt down the road because you didn't. Sent it from other person phone number if that makes you feel better. wish her simply "happy birthday" no more no less.

[Edmund Exley]

When she dumped you, she made the decision that she would no longer receive well wishes from you. The very fact that you say that you will take it hard if you get a short reply is very telling in that this is a bad idea. Silence is golden sometimes.

[Brokebutno1]

Thanks for the advice everyone it's very much appreciated

 

I've done alot more reading into this and have come to the realisation her feelings just aren't there anymore..for whatever reason that may be. While it hurts a heap, could i really expect her to stick around just for my feelings and to make me happy, if she doen't want to? NO. It would be unfair on both of us.

 

I really need to just keep busy, and keep looking forward knowing that this WILL get better at some point and learn to be content with that.

[John John]

When she dumped you, she made the decision that she would no longer receive well wishes from you. The very fact that you say that you will take it hard if you get a short reply is very telling in that this is a bad idea. Silence is golden sometimes.

 

I agree with Edmund. My ex's birthday is later this month, and I've already decided she won't be hearing from me. She lost the privalege of getting well wishes from me when she gave up on us after 5 years together.