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Hello everyone. I'm only 19 years of age, but I would say that I've been depressed for years now. You see, I've always wanted someone in my life who I can love and have them love me back. I'm not referring to family, but a significant other. I was indeed home-schooled throughout high school, and didn't have any interaction with my peers during those years. Perhaps due to this solitude I developed the idea that I'm an undesirable person.

 

I'm insecure about my height and looks. I stand at just a bit over 5'5 as a 19 year old male. My feelings on my looks are odd. Sometimes I think I look good, sometimes I ponder why I am so ugly. I have some rather insignificant scars on my face (about 2) from chicken pox as a child, but I always feel like when I am in artificial lighting they are incredibly apparent. Anyways, let's just say I had my first relationship last September, which had her leaving me for a "friend" that just happened to be over 6 ft tall and one she said was "hot". This certainly didn't help my insecurities. One of the first things women tell me is that I am short. One even jokingly said that I would require use of a step-stool (she was the same height as me). I mentioned in another post my situation with her, but the summary is I fell into severe depression after the split, got together with a girl who treated me like gold, but she too broke up with me(understandably) because I was not willing to let go of my previous relationship.

 

Today I went on a date with a nice and attractive girl. It was rather short; a bit under two hours. She texted me afterwards saying that she thought I was sweet, but she wasn't "sexually attracted to me". She said that I wasn't necessarily unattractive and that I had some strong features, but that she didn't get that "sensation" from me. Now, I know I shouldn't associate myself with someone who would use that as a basis of whether to be with someone or not. But, due to my insecurities, it really hit home and caused me to cry tears of sorrow and brought back those feelings of worthlessness. I don't know if I would kill myself, but I always think about the prospect. I just don't see much of a point in this world. It always leads to disappointment and a feeling of being unsatisfied.

 

My parents owe me $2,000. I do work and go to school. I've been working since October and not having a car also affects my sense of worth. I always see people who are my age with cars and me not having one makes me feel like a failure. I just got a credit card so I can build my credit up and get a decent car, but I wonder if I'll still be as unhappy as ever when I finally get one. I've come to a point where I don't really want to associate with anyone. I often wish I was mean like some other guys and therefore become desirable. From my experiences, it seems that the "bad boys" are the ones who succeed in attracting women. Now, I am aware that this post doesn't have much cohesion at all. I suppose I really just needed to vent. I'm at the point where I am seriously considering whether this life is worth all the misery and effort. Perhaps nonexistence is preferable.

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I actually find myself attracted to short men, i'm not sure why...I just always date shorter guys. I think you are associating yourself to other people, comparing a lot. be proud of who you are. And by all means, don't be mean to women with the hopes of getting them. It won't work. Read this closely: it's not the meanness that women find attractive. its the confidence that "mean" men usually have. Works the other way around too. People are attracted to people who emit confidence and love themselves.

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The whole "short" thing, isn't as bad as you think. I mean I get why it SEEMS that way, but it's not all about your height.

 

Height is only a limitation if you LET it be.

 

Spud Webb (at 5'7") won the NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST in 1986.

Muggsy Bogues (at 5'3") was a STARTING POINT GUARD in the NBA.

Kevin Hart, who we ALL know is short (some say he's 5'2", others say he's 5'4 1/2") is one of the most famous comedians alive.

The Three Stooges were all very short as well.

 

Now I know what you're thinking. "Those guys are CELEBRITIES! They're rich. They're famous." Yeah. But they weren't ALWAYS that way. At some point, they were just regular 19 yr old guys, like you. They just didn't let their height get them down. And, it paid off.

 

As for the girls not being sexually attracted to you, that can be fixed. A lot of that has to do with confidence (which you lack, I know, but) Personality, attitude, humor, wit, charm, edge, confidence, they ALL MATTER, when it comes to attracting women. (You can even message me about that if you want.) And just because ONE woman isn't sexually attracted, DOESN'T mean a girl even BETTER than her (AND hotter) WON'T be.

 

The point is, NONE of this will be possible if you kill yourself. So don't do it. It's better to think (and focus) on what you CAN accomplish (and get better at) if you stay ALIVE, as opposed to using what HASN'T happened YET as an excuse to end it. Anything is possible if you work at it.

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Your still young and have a lot ahead of you. Life changes especially into your 20's and things you thought were important become irrelevent and vice versa. Life is very confusing and often throws more than me think we can handle. But this will all build who you become. You can speak to someone who can help you, a specialist, friends family. And work on your confidence. You seem pretty down on yourself, and that will reflect to others seeing you. Don't waste time seeing flaws, look for the good. Feel good about who you are and what you can do. Everyone has a lot to offer. The one's who work hard and put the good stuff out forward are the ones who are successful.

 

Your young and still maturing. Keep your head up.

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Have you considered seeking counseling and/or rehab for your depression? There are also many self-help books available; notably Louise Hay's, You Can Heal Your Life. She also has many self-help CDs and apps---many people have those have saved their lives. Byron Katie's books are great, too.

I've considered it, but I honestly don't think it would help me. I'm my worst enemy. If I fail in any aspect, I routinely beat myself up for it. Even failures that are long gone. Those failures are always on my mind. With my first girlfriend, I would even apologize for getting upset when she would say things with the intent of getting me jealous. I cannot stand my ground. I apologize for everything and accept everything as my own failure.

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I do believe that being home-schooled doomed me in some aspects, such as confidence. I literally had zero interaction with people of my age group for three years straight. I don't have an issue conversing with people, but I usually won't start a conversation.

 

What upsets me the most is that I know I can't control my physical appearance, but can control the way I treat people. All my life, including when I was attending public school, I was and am known as "that nice guy". Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work out for me when it comes to attraction, but as D123R said, perhaps it is my confidence that is what turns people away. I do believe that is certainly a factor. To how much a degree, I don't know. My self-esteem is pretty darn low.

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You are young with so much life ahead of you, you will find someone, there are so many girls in this world. If someone rejects you, it's not because there is something wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with you at all, in fact everyone gets more rejected then accepted in dating because everyone has different taste, and it is hard to find a perfect match, like the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I use to be a very shy girl, very afraid of rejection and this video helped me a lot and it may help you as well to see rejection in a different way and help you with confidence and overcome shyness :

 

Life IS worth it, you are young, and you will feel better and get through this.

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I can empathise with how you're feeling, because we share a lot of similarities. I'm insecure about my looks and height. I know exactly where you are - death just seems easier than life. And I know I sound incredibly hypocritical (I've also been thinking about taking my own life) but like me, you're very young. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll meet many girls in the future. You really will - you'll meet new people and have new avenues. The other day I talked to a hotline and although it wasn't a miracle cure, it calmed me down.

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