Have you ever dated someone who doesn't speak your native language?

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Hey all,

 

Just a general question for anyone who has experience in this regard.

 

Have you ever dated someone who doesn't speak your native language or else doesn't speak it very well?

 

I am in a situation where I am working abroad teaching English. I find many girls attractive, although I don't speak the local language (Hungarian), so approaching them isn't always easy.

 

I have a colleague who I find very attractive and who i'd like to get to know better. She speaks 4 languages, but English is her weakest. I speak both English (native) and French (intermediate level). She also speaks French too, so we've been communicating in French. She seems very interested in speaking to me in French. I understand everything she says, but my French is rusty and I struggle to find the correct words. We've only had two conversations, but I am definitely attracted to her. During our second conversation, I asked her for travel advice since she is a local. She basically told me that she'd be more than willing to help me make travel arrangements, plus even offered to travel with me if she happens to be headed in the same directions, and would be willing to introduce me to her other friends who speak English. She seemed pretty enthusiastic about helping me.

 

I'm fairly certain I didn't misunderstand her. My level of French comprehension is pretty decent. Anybody have any advice on how to proceed with this? Is the language barrier going to be a problem?

 

Chris

[thehardestpart]

I married someone whose language isn't my native language, although English is not my native language either, I have grown up in North America so this is the only way I know how to communicate. However, I'm a huge conversationalist, I love to talk and read. I thrive off knowledge, so perhaps it was much easier for me to learn it because I wanted to.

 

My husband is Hungarian and he's only been speaking English, or should I say horrible/broken English for only a few years. He's improved a lot since I've known him.

 

I've never seen a language being as a HUGE barrier, if each party in the relation wants to learn, it's very possible, just takes time to do so. It might be tough at the beginning, but don't give up, it will get better and will improve.

 

I have a slight accent, some people don't even notice it at all.

 

Personally, I don't care if someone has an accent or whatnot, I mostly care if they have knowledge and are able to understand, get your jokes and converse back.

 

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I haven't been through it personally, but I've seen a few friends do it. It seems that it is difficult to ascertain your real compatibility with a language barrier, simply because things can be misunderstood, and because you're not as likely to have freewheeling, shoot the breeze conversations (that can be so enlightening) when you have to struggle with each word. Otherwise, as thehardestpart mentioned, after spending some time together, you will both increase your nonnative language to a point where you are freely conversational. The beginning stages always seem to be the most difficult.

[Snny]

My fiance and I are Bilingual, but his primary language is not English. However, his parents lived on two different islands, spoke two unfamiliar dialects. What ended up happening was that his mom got knocked up by him, married out of wedlock... so she had to learn his language dialect if she wanted to live with him.

 

In this situation... you or her are either going to have to learn each others' language.

 

Two questions for you, OP:

1. Are you planning to permanently stay in the country you're teaching in? (most important question)

2. How are you doing in getting acquainted with the culture? It's not language barriers that will be the only issue... but culture clash and how you are viewed in their society.

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Two questions for you, OP:

1. Are you planning to permanently stay in the country you're teaching in? (most important question)

2. How are you doing in getting acquainted with the culture? It's not language barriers that will be the only issue... but culture clash and how you are viewed in

 

1. I may not stay in the same city (I find it rather boring), but I am trying to stay in the same country. My contract runs out in June, and so my future here is still up in the air. Are you suggesting it's not a good idea to start anything if I am not planning on staying here permanently?

 

2. I am doing alright with getting acquainted with the culture, but the process is slow going. I figure we can converse in French. She can teach me Hungarian and I can help her with her English.

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Thank you for sharing your experience. I do agree that as long as you are able to understand and somehow be understood, then the language barrier shouldn't pose too much of a problem. I do want to learn Hungarian. I know that if I wanted to date someone who didn't speak my native language, the first thing i'd want to do is try to learn theirs. For now, i'll have to settle for being on somewhat equal footing in French. Did you manage to pick up any Hungarian from your husband?

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I haven't been through it personally, but I've seen a few friends do it. It seems that it is difficult to ascertain your real compatibility with a language barrier, simply because things can be misunderstood, and because you're not as likely to have freewheeling, shoot the breeze conversations (that can be so enlightening) when you have to struggle with each word. Otherwise, as thehardestpart mentioned, after spending some time together, you will both increase your nonnative language to a point where you are freely conversational. The beginning stages always seem to be the most difficult.

 

I do agree that it will be difficult at first as we both try to navigate through the language discrepancy. Since we both speak a second language at almost the same level of proficiency, communication is possible, albeit those freewheeling conversations won't come yet until we both reach a native level in the same language.

 

This is pretty much all speculation on my part, but I think just the act of learning a language presents a lot of new and interesting conversational topics since everything is new. Those "shoot the breeze" or otherwise mundane small talk moments won't happen as much, which I think is a good thing.