Good days vs bad days, or, the long road to recovery

[lost_puppy]

The following is an account of my experience so far ... I don't know how much it applies to others, so let me know if you agree, disagree, or anything in between....

 

So a common question is "how long until I heal?? How long before I'm back to normal?" And I'm realizing that it's not like one day you wake up in the morning, stretch, and say "hey, I'm healed!" It's a slow process, but the good news is that you can see progress. This is where the good days/bad days come in. Right after I was dumped (2 months ago), every day sucked. I missed her, couldn't get her out of my mind, and I just kept hurting. Then last week I had an especially bad day (involved standing in front of her door for 10 minutes than finally being able to pull myself away without knocking). But thinking back on it, the reason seemed bad was because the days around it were, well, not-so-bad. So basically, I went from having all bad days with a couple of good days interspersed to now, where I have both good days and bad days, kinda skewed to the good side ( ). Hopefully, the number of bad days will just get less and less until suddenly I can't remember when my last bad day was.

 

Anyways, that's an overly simplistic way to look at things, but I'm trying to come up with things to tell my mind so that I can keep on keepin' on, until time heals my wounds.

 

 

Bad day -

You constantly think of him/her

You cry

Your heart feels like it's in a vice

etc, etc....

 

Good day -

Suddenly you realize that 5 minutes have gone by without thinking of him/her

You're not in physical pain

You're able to smile

etc, etc...

[CarterJonas]

Time does heal your wounds Hang in there it does get better.

 

Depending on the length of the relationship and how hurt you were following the breakup, I would guess anything from three to six months. Of course it varies from person to person but as each week passes you begin to notice the better days until you finally feel fine and want to start dating again.

[Brandell]

When I have weak moments i say to myself 'Everything is going to be ok. There is a reason this is happening and the reason is to become a better person, with a better outlook, for a better purpose".

 

Most people who come to this site are beautiful people or else why would we be here? Do you realise how many people break up with someone, move on without a second glance?

 

Anyone who visits this siteis extemely special and the pain we are going through now will open the door to something that is better for us.

 

We don't see it but it is there.

[icme]

I feel pretty much the same as you LP, and am on a similar time scale.

 

Now I find its not good and bad days so much as good and bad moments. I can be absolutely fine and then start thinking about her and feel a grim mood descending on me like a black cloud. Two hours later, I may feel ok again, but I can't tell precisely at which moment I stopped feeling miserable and my mood lifted.

 

There's a line from a Shakespeare sonnet that goes,

 

"My grief lies onward and my joy behind"

 

I think that pretty much sums up how we all feel at the start and for a while after. That we have a finite amount of good things to experience in life and we just used them all up with our last relationship. Ahead lies only bad times and loneliness.

 

To say I'm happy with life now would be a gross exaggeration, but I know I must be feeling better when I start to think rationally and say, no, its most likely the opposite, and that "joy lies onward and my grief behind".

 

When that joy starts appearing I'll let you know!! Don't think its round the corner just yet...

[Quiet_gemini]

This is an interesting topic...do you guys and gals think it's possible to speed up the greiving process? I mean if there's a point when it becomes 'too long' then why can't we shorten it?

 

I've learned that allowing myself to be sad, instead of just trying not to think of them, helps...i honestly end up getting tired of thinking of them and then when i do miss them, it's just that, only missing them, i'm no longer grieving...

[lost_puppy]

This is an interesting topic...do you guys and gals think it's possible to speed up the greiving process? I mean if there's a point when it becomes 'too long' then why can't we shorten it?

I don't think (at least for me) that I can speed up my recovery. I believe in everything taking its own time. Sometimes it sucks to "wait" like that (after my last relationship, it took me 2 years to start another one), but you'll be ready only when you're ready. I guess I'm kinda fatalistic in general... But maybe it's less stressful to think of it that way - "hurry up and wait" as opposed to thinking that there's something I can be doing to speed this up...

 

Just my own thoughts...

LP

[idontgetit]

i totally agree on the good day bad day phenomenon. today was a bit sad. anniversary of when we met i'm sure he doeesn't remember, probably wouldn't care anyway. thank god tomorrow isn't far away because i'm sure it will be a good day!!

[Quiet_gemini]

Hey LP, your thoughts are true, i only think (and hope i guess! lol) that there are things you can do to help your self along. I go out a little more when i can if i'm recovering, also i find with every breakup, it gets a little easier.

But there is a time, when no matter what i do, i feel that she is the ONLY person that will make me feel complete, then i realize that I'M the only one which i should need to make me feel complete. Then when i go out, even if i meet someone who has ONE quality that i admire enough to get my mind off of the ex, it helps...

 

I just think that the grieving period can be helped...i know closure for me also is a major thing, helps me a lot.