yellowjello Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Me & my BF don't have sex because we chose to wait. Actually, he feels stronger about waiting than I do. Anyway, here is the problem: With my last BF, we would be able to hook up without having sex pretty regularly. This might be a little explicit but there's no other way to explain it. Basically we would have no clothes on, and we would basically dry hump each other (except with no clothes), and the only difference is the outside skin of my private area would be opened so basically his penis would be rubbing against my clit. Soo that's how we would hook up and we would both orgasm from that. However, with THIS BF, he can't orgasm from that. He says it feels really good and all but it just doesn't make him orgasm. He also can't orgasm from me giving him a hand job. So the ONLY WAY he can orgasm is by oral. So every single time we hook up I have to give him oral. I don't hate it or anything, I'm okay with it but I don't want that to be all we do. Sometimes I need to have more passionate hookups and actually be/feel close to him and it's not like that when we are just doing oral. Sure, we can always make out and be close first, and then I can finish him off with oral but that ruins things. Problems with that are: First off, if we get all passionate and emotional, switching to oral kills it. Second, if I orgasm while being passionate, I won't be as turned on for the oral part and that ruins it for him. If I save my orgasm for the oral part I am not satisfied because sometimes I need to have an emotional orgasm. Last, I want him to also be able to orgasm while we are being close and intimate. The way that I did it with my old BF was perfect because we could hold each other and kiss and be close to each other all the way until we finish. And that made our orgasms emotional too. So my questions are: 1. Is there something wrong with him since he isn't able to orgasm from anything other than oral? 2. Is there anything that can be done to make him orgasm easier, from things other than oral? 3. How to deal with this situation? Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 1. I think he might be lying. 2. Tell him he gets no oral, and then see what he says. 3. My take, if he leaves because of no oral he was just messing with you anyway. I don't know how old you are, but really, oral isn't all it's cracked up to be. You can still get disease from it. You use condoms, right??? Angel Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I agree -- with the lying part. Great excuse for him. Oral way more personal than anything else. He giving you oral? Link to comment
yellowjello Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 About the lying thing, we've tried it. I try doing the dry humping thing with him, and I try giving him hand jobs and we just lay there forever and it never happens. But MAYBE ...it is possible that since he is so addicted to oral, maybe he isn't trying hard enough to orgasm with the other stuff, and he isn't getting "into it" so that's why it doesn't happen. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 He isn't addicted to oral, he prefers it. So, with any other action -- he thinks -- baseball stats. Again, is he giving you oral? Because oral is a two way street. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yeah my take on oral is perhaps like mhowe, you give and you must receive! There are wankers out there who simply won't do that. Sexual selfishness is bad in a relationship. Makes me want to leave them. And I have! Angel Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 About the lying thing, we've tried it. I try doing the dry humping thing with him, and I try giving him hand jobs and we just lay there forever and it never happens. But MAYBE ...it is possible that since he is so addicted to oral, maybe he isn't trying hard enough to orgasm with the other stuff, and he isn't getting "into it" so that's why it doesn't happen. I do not believe that he is lying. But wow, could you possibly make "not actually having sex" anymore complicated? I think both of you need to stop playing games of semantics. I would hardly call what you are doing as "waiting to have sex". If you are doing oral, dry humping, penis to clit contact while deep kissing.... i mean, that is nearly the whole shooting match except for actual insertion? If you are doing 99% of actual sex, doesn't it make withholding that last 1% rather academic? You are chasing the whole experience: passion, intimacy, emotional bonding plus orgasms. How is his preference for orgasms via oral any less intimate than the ones you prefer from rubbing together. Why not each one provide the other one what they prefer. You will have to make additional adjustment when you begin to have sex. Not everyone's orgasm arch is an exact match with their partner's. Get back to making sex or "almost sex" fun again. Enjoy what works well with the two of you instead of focusing on the differences. And also, stop comparing him to your previous "perfect' ex-boyfriend. That is not helpful at all. Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 It's funny the double standards out there. If a woman has trouble reaching orgasm a particular way, that's something she needs to work on, but it may just be the way she's wired. But if a man has trouble, oh, he's lying and a user, and he must be deliberately doing something to suppress the orgasm that he would otherwise have. Personally, I can and have reached orgasm from dry humping, but I've never come even close from hand jobs. They just don't feel all that great. So while I'm not precisely like YellowJello's boyfriend, I can at least imagine that he's being completely sincere about what works for him. It's quite possible that there's a psychological element. But honestly, we don't know, and any diagnosis we might make via the internet is bound to be wrong. I'd suggest 1) trying to see what's going through his head and 2) experimenting. For example, one variant on dry humping you could try is spooning, where you're gripping the shaft of his penis with your thighs while he's using it to rub your clit. It might be, for example, that he really needs the feeling of being enclosed. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Lord have mercy -- just have sex! Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 But wow, could you possibly make "not actually having sex" anymore complicated? No telling what's going on there. In my first sexual relationship, we went a couple of weeks doing complicated dry-humping because she was deathly afraid of intercourse, and had vaginismus that prevented penetration as a result. Once she was accustomed to having regular orgasms without actual penetration, moving on to intercourse proved easy because she now associated it with pleasure rather than fear. Obviously that's not precisely what's going on with him, but this may be a necessary step for them. Link to comment
ayami Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Lucky him! I wish I could only come through oral, then my sex life would be better. You two should just have sex and see what works, just experiment, you'll soon find a way for him to orgasm without having to resort to oral all the time. Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Remember this "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"? Oral is sex. You are having sex. And I agree, he is totally lying. He just prefers it. Link to comment
charity Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 i agree with this post 100%. so to recap 1. i have no idea why you're not having sex when you are doing all that? 2. i don't believe he's lying. i know a man who can only come from oral. that's just the way he is. 3. sex is about pleasuring each other- not having things done exactly how you want, the way you want .... and most importantly... 3. do not compare the sex (i mean,the not sex) to how it was with your ex. its just not realistic or fair to think that your sexual partners will all work the same way. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 However, with THIS BF, he can't orgasm from that. He says it feels really good and all but it just doesn't make him orgasm. I can understand that, it doesn't feel quite "enough". It may, as another poster said, be to do with not being enclosed/wrapped. He also can't orgasm from me giving him a hand job. But I bet he could. What does he do when he's on his own, after all? Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 But I bet he could. What does he do when he's on his own, after all? My thoughts exactly. Nothing wrong with having a preference, just very unlikely that what he says is true. Link to comment
charity Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 i masturbate on my own all the time but i have yet to find a man who can do it for me. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 So my questions are: 1. Is there something wrong with him since he isn't able to orgasm from anything other than oral? 2. Is there anything that can be done to make him orgasm easier, from things other than oral? 3. How to deal with this situation? 1A. He may be lying. 1B. He may be telling the truth. 2. Vaginal sex. 3. Have vaginal sex with him. Because you say that he wants to hold out until marriage to have sex, I would propose that you not offer him sex of any kind whatsoever. Then, maybe he will reconsider a few things in his life. Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 i masturbate on my own all the time but i have yet to find a man who can do it for me. Point taken but that doesn't mean its impossible. Either you're not giving good instructions or you haven't found a partner who can keep up with you. That doesn't mean you only orgasm one way. If OP's bf is saying this because thats the only way she can pleasure him, it still doesn't make the statement true. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 1. I believe it's possible. He may need more stimulation than a hand job would provide. Nothing "wrong" with him. 2. You guys are already having sex so... 3. See #2. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 It seems like you guys are having sex... I mean you're getting naked and humping, doing oral and handjobs? I mean you're so close to having sex that you might as well be having sex. The deed has just about been done. No disrespect because it's admirable that you are chosing to forgo penetration, but the thing is getting naked and doing all the things you are doing together would be labeled "sex" by most people lol. That being said if he can only orgasm from oral(truly) then if you want to get him off that is the way to do it. If you are sick of getting him off that way then maybe you guys should just do the "do"(since you're already just about doing the "do" anyway). If that is still not an option maybe you should just refrain from sex acts, because to me doing something that you can't stand anymore(giving him oral) will not be enjoyable for either one of you. And since naked humping isn't work and sex is out of the question, then I don't think there is anything else you can do... Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 The brain is the human orgasmatron. I agree with mhowe, baseball stats might be keeping this on the cooler side. Angel Link to comment
ayami Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 The brain is the human orgasmatron. I agree with mhowe, baseball stats might be keeping this on the cooler side. Angel Well thinking about things like that helps me last longer, but then I suffer with terrible premature ejaculation. Link to comment
ConservativeM Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 it is just like - both of you are sitting on the dinner table and just getting finished by start up and least bother about the main course. Whatever both are enjoying comes under the definition foreplay. Just try to enter in the main play than decided based on own experience. There is no rule book for sexual chemistry. Both of you are there to write the rule book as per your preferences. My advice is - take your own judgement and turn the rule as per that. Link to comment
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