New Long Distance Interest (how not to mess it up)?

[Trinity11]

So one day I am feeling miserable and asking for help on how to attract people who I am attracted to...a couple of days later this happens:

 

Months ago when I joined POF I had a profile come up on my home-screen. They lived 2.5 hours away but I felt enough inclined and complimented them on their profile, too bad they live far away and wished them luck on their 'fishing'

 

Fast forward to now...I have not been using the site much, haven't met with anyone in awhile as some of you know (bar one interest who played the houdini card whom I still have resisted txting-woo!) I look at the mobile onlines for people nearby. I click on a profile and its him, with a few new pics.

 

I message him 'Hey you finally made it up to *hometown* and asked how he was, when we last spoke, general hello.

I caught him just before he was leaving for home, and I going to work, we arranged a meet.

I can honestly say after 2 mins of talking and laughing he did it for me and I really took a fancy to him. We discussed work and I said I would like to go back to school and do something,mentioned a couple of idead but not really. He was very supportive, suggested a couple more things and did not judge me for not quite finding a career job as yet. Something a few of you know I also struggle within myself.

Like me he is very down to earth and there were times that we talked about past experiences and said the same thing at the same time. It was really fun and I found him attractive.

He dropped me to work in the downpour and text me later that night to confirm we had a nice time chatting etc. I think we kept saying the same thing to each other haha.

 

He lives 2.5 hours away and I do not have a car. I rarely go down there, and he rarely comes up here other than lately maybe once a month for work. So while it could easily work with an established relationship where you can stay at each others houses it will be a big investment to see if something is there. We did both agree when chatting about past fail dates that if you want to meet up with someone you will. Good to know he is on the same page!

 

So this investment is difficult but ok for me, but in the meantime I want to make sure I am not doing anything to sabotage myself and get to know him.

I really would like to chat and offered my Skype as it would be economical for calls, but he has not taken me up on this so far (not all ppl use it I know)

 

I could stay at a hotel next weekend so I can catch up for a couple of hours on the weekend. My house mate is driving down the next day but he will be at work, I figure I can get a lift back on the Monday. Maybe I will just see what time she will leave the city there might be time...??

 

How to keep the attraction, not be too forward (unintentionally) when distance comes into play? How to even begin??

 

Long distance and online dating are two things I said I would never do, now look at me... What have I done? haha

 

I should ask if anyone else has been in this position? Stories appreciated

[offplanet]

I think it's too soon to know if it'd be worth getting invested in him. He hasn't yet indicated strong interest. I would go on as you are for a bit longer and not be too quick to offer/suggest meeting up.

[trolleycar]

Hi Trinity11

A LDR can be a bit of a problem. But being only two and one half hours apart.

But it is not insurmountable.

I have been in a LDR for two and one half years now. Plus my Girl Friend lives in London and I Live in the Hudson River Valley of New York State.

The thing that makes the Relationship a little bit difficult is the 3600 miles of the Atlantic between New York State and London, UK And the five time zones.

We talk twice a day first at 8:00am UTC/3:00am EST and then again at 10:00pm UTC/5:00pm EST we have visited each other about for time For each.

An we visit for about a month each visit.

So with you only being only two and one half hours apart is not to bad.

Is there location in between there yo9u and the interest live that you could meet. That each one would not have to travel the full two and one half hours each way.

Do you had a drivers license as long as you can drive you could rent a car for a weekend so you could meet. Plus you would not have the same problem My girl and I had when we first went to each others country. To have to learn to drive on the oppose side of the road.

Also stay in touch with each other. send E-card to him you can Find E-card Sights that are free. I send my girl card at the drop of a hat.

and for just about and reason can think of . And I send card that are romantic , Funny, Birthday ( her daughter's puppy's birthday) , Ground Hog's Day or if I am just feeling lonely. I ever sent her a card for the Queens of England's Centennial and being English I ever sent her a American Independence Day card

Once I need the way her mind work I sent her a couple cards that were a little racy.

The main thing is to keep the channels of communication open.

[Trinity11]

Haha thanks for your reply! I laugh because I do not have my drivers license but if got it here (tried once and failed right before leaving the country back home) I WOULD be driving on the opposite side of the road. I sometimes dream of driving on the right hand side of the road, also sitting on the right.

I do plan on getting it here, I don't have a lot of money, plan to do one last holiday (for some time) in Sept so for now my savings are wrapped up in that. I might be able to at least be able to do the written part providing there is enough time post, to do the practical. I have not needed it where I live as everything is in walking distance.

Trolleycar: how did you meet your partner in the first place??

 

After meeting and letting me know he was interested in future meets. He was hoping to see me yesterday as they were out on the field nearby working, but I was out hiking and their carpool was leaving right as I was getting home. He sent me pics from where he was working, beautiful sunny day in the mountains of BC and I sent one of myself and a friend atop one of the summits.

 

He asked if i was staying the night when I come to town, I was not originally but it seems the day I was originally going down with a friend will not work at all, I would leave as they finished work. I would stay overnight, in booked acc or with a friend this one time to establish if I would want to see them more while it is still fresh.

I will also try to make plans with the other couple of people I know in the city so I won't be enticed to make a couple hour date into a day long date...this is better right?? Ill just give him the time when I am available and that's it.

 

I am just worried that I will scare him off because meeting will take more planning, and guys, well sometimes too much planning might seem aggressive. Being LD and not having as much facial and body language seems a more delicate way to start out so I want to be super careful.

[Trinity11]

Update-

 

So date went really well, I had to him around meeting up with other friends before and after and he had some other issues of their own to sort at home that I needed to work around. Meal in a pub and he didn't hold back with ordering desert which we enjoyed but could barely touch (full)

 

Before the date he threw a curve ball by saying something about how he wants to rip off my clothes, it was in context (if your mind went to the gutter) but after not talking for most of the week I decided that he was just testing to see my reaction. I didn't throw back but joke and keeps things light. This went on and eventually I did not text back. He must have panicked and asked if it was too much. I wrote "Im running for the hills"(as we met online-well u know this happens a lot) After that he toned it down for the rest of the night, but I realised he was more outgoing and comfortable in his sexuality than I realised (great when the time is right) and a total goof haha..

 

We chatted and through joking, we established our boundries. He does not want to rush (does not want to meet people with time goals and who are rushing for him to sign marriage certificate) and I established that there would be no hanky panky for awhile by agreeing that this was meet 1 date one and we both agreed it needed to be date 4 or 5 before the sexual comments could be acted upon.

 

He paid for dinner, walked me to the train, bought my train ticket (wow) took the train with me, waited at my connecting bus stop before we said goodbye. I am very impressed.

He was always talking about the future and what we can do next time we meet, but with him visiting home and moving out of his house (meaning he will have to find somewhere on return) I dont think I will see him for a few weeks.

 

I have decided that I like him, but feel good that I won't be able to rush if I want to.

 

 

Thanks to everyone on ENA for the advice over the last few months on everything. It has made me know what I want in a man, what my goals are for the future outside of relationships to make me more comfortable in myself, therefore a better partner. I am SLOWLY learning to read peoples behaviours and react accordingly. I think. haha I hope this one works out, there was so much laughter.