I need some advice on plans being cancelled and unpredictable work hours!

[gabriella01]

Hi everyone,

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now. Time spent together is absolutely perfect and time apart seems like forever.

 

there is only one problem that is bothering me. he is a personal trainer at the gym and is required to work a whole bunch of different shifts, which change everyday. the alternating shifts are a new thing, and when he was working the usual 9-5 things were fine. he usually only knows what time he will be working the next day the day before. this has become a problem because plans that he makes with me are frequently being cancelled. I'm trying to be as tolerant as possible with his work schedule however it's starting to cause me quite a bit of stress.

 

How should I approach this situation? Am I stressing over nothing? Should I not say anything because its his job and livelihood? please help!

 

thank you!

[blueidealist24]

You can't really say anything because it's not like he can really quit his job. It's the nature of this economy that employers are giving out weird shifts.

[Coily]

You are essentially making an ant hill into the Andes here; granted you have the right to be frustrated to a degree, but is it worth the mess to make this an issue in your relationship? Likely not. You need to get creative when you all are together, and you need to take the lead on finding things that are flexible time wise.

[Edmund Exley]

Have you guys discussed plans for a future together?

[bebeblondie]

Unless this is resulting in you never seeing him...I'd leave it alone, it's his job he has no choice.

 

Plenty of people are in relationships that have unpredictable work schedules, like doctors, cops, etc. If you love him you need to learn to live with it.

[regular joe]

Unless this is resulting in you never seeing him...I'd leave it alone, it's his job he has no choice.

 

Plenty of people are in relationships that have unpredictable work schedules, like doctors, cops, etc. If you love him you need to learn to live with it.

 

I work for a utility company and will admit relationships can be tough, but not impossible. I have to deal with storms (long hours for days, weeks sometimes) being on call unless you are on a vacation day/week, trips out of town. Which also means being called at all hours of the day/ night, weekends, holidays you name it. Some of my GF's have been able to handle it (we split over other problems) and some haven't (relationship didn't last long.) Any way the moral here is, it works as long as your willing to work at it. I am sure he is no happier about as you are, but as other's have said he has a job and it is what it is. I am very upfront about how my work hours can be and that it takes someone strong to make it work. Some try and find it's not for them. You just try to make the best of the time when you can be together. You talk on the phone on your breaks at work. So in a sense it is no different than a set schedule job/ relationship. Other than at times you need to plan a little more.

[Braveheart1]

What are both of your intentions? HAve you talked about some future things already? Make him aware that his schedule is causing you some pain but you just want reassurance that you guys are ok.

 

Everyone needs ome form of reassurance. It might sound silly to some but who are we to make that judgement?

 

You can't change his schedule since it's his livelyhood but you guys could make some creative ways to meet and spend time.

 

Personally, I wouldn't care if I was with a girl and she had a busy schedule if I saw her for 5-10 minutes. It would be time well spent. But that's just me