Needing some advice... Hope someone actually reads this.

[Mirandaq3]

So, this is my first time posting on a forum and I'm more than a little nervous about if I get feed back and what that feed back will be like. Please be nice!

 

So a few months ago a guy I've been friends off and on with since elementary school asked me if I would like to try kissing him. Now theres a few things you need to know about this guy, 1) Live wire. All nerve endings all the time. Sex isn't all he thinks about but... 2) He's bi with a definitive preference for boys rather than girls. I figure "Hey, he's my friend(he likes guys more than girls), kissing won't go very far, I'm 17 and haven't had a date(had only been asked out once in all of schooling career) why not?" Famous last words. It ended up a week later under a bridge loosing my virginity(dont actually regret this. Only bit I regret is the gravel under said bridge and getting one of my favorite shirts stained with mud.)

 

He asked me out three times in the next two months in which we continued having sexual relations. Each time I replied "No", my reasoning being I wasn't ready for a real relationship yet but could handle friends with benefits. Wow. I'm smart, right?* Over these two months he began treating me more and more like a girl friend and not just a friend. Feeling confused and needing to sort my emotions out I asked him for sometime away from him. Reluctantly he agreed. I turned 18 and it was like something in my brain clicked. "Yeah," I thought. "I can handle this thing. I like sex. Don't need a relationship right now. Yeah." *see statement of intelligence above. So sex came back. Because of schedule changes in our lives, it has become harder to continue our relationship as it was so he now comes and eats lunch with me and my friends when he can. There have been times when we have become very affectionate in public(we're both cuddly-touchy-feely-huggy people) and things have occasionally progressed to a point where both of us are a bit hot and bothered. A friend I talked to today told me "I know you call it friends with benefits but what it really is is a slant relationship."

 

I am slightly ashamed to say my brain tried to explode. In the middle of class. You know how you can feel multiple emotions at the same time? Well, when I feel like that, I characterize those feelings into "me"s. So, we have panic me running around in circles, we have Jessica Rabbit me laughing hysterically and shouting "I told you so!", and we have me, sitting in the middle of it all just stunned. Through out this relationship I have asked myself

"Am I in love with him?" and part of myself has answered

"Not yet, he is your friend."

"Really? Thats all? Are you sure?"

"Yes." It continues for a while like this.

I would like some advice as to how do I continue? I don't think we should go further than this for all that some might consider us already Boyfriend/Girlfriend, it's a responsibility to another person that I feel I cannot take on right now. Should I stop things altogether? It wouldn't destroy our friendship(which is what I'm absolutely stinkin' terrified of by the way is loosing friends) because he almost always stays friends with his exs. I just don't know how to proceed and any advice would likely be helpful.

 

Once again, first time posting! Niceness*crosses fingers*!

[Hope Brown]

i am new to this site to and people have been nice um i am not really sure what to say u have quite the story um i would say you still have emotions to sort and you really need to sort those but don't think to hard about this i mean live life if u really want to be with him you will find a way i promise but just live life and things will sometimes sort them selves out

[Celadon]

Yeah, I think you've realized that you have some responsibility to your friend (he's your friend, afterall) to not keep doing something that's causing confusion over what kind of relationship you have. It's really time to talk about it with him. If you are sure that you don't love him romantically and don't think you should go any further, than tell him that.

 

Another thing to consider is that one of you (probably him, it sounds like) might want to be available to start dating someone who really is into him and wants a true romantic relationship, not FWB. So long as you two appear to be a couple, no one will try to date you, at least no one who has respect for others' relationships.

[regular joe]

Yeah, I think you've realized that you have some responsibility to your friend (he's your friend, afterall) to not keep doing something that's causing confusion over what kind of relationship you have. It's really time to talk about it with him. If you are sure that you don't love him romantically and don't think you should go any further, than tell him that.

 

Another thing to consider is that one of you (probably him, it sounds like) might want to be available to start dating someone who really is into him and wants a true romantic relationship, not FWB. So long as you two appear to be a couple, no one will try to date you, at least no one who has respect for others' relationships.

 

I have to agree with this. It is time to have the "How do we define what this is?" relationship talk with him. You are getting very emotionally attached. Just be prepared for his answer either way. If his answer is not what you want, then it is time to get out before you end up even more hurt in the long run.

[Mirandaq3]

Whoa, already have responses! Thank you all for your kind words and really good advice, it lines up with what a few of my other friends are saying. Again, thank you for replying so quickly.

[Jennifer89]

You need to have a chat with him, tell him exactly how you feel and see how he feels. If you are both not wanting a relationship, then don't do it. But I am wondering- is there a reason whey you think you aren't ready for a boyfriend? There are tons of reasons why you may not be ready, I'm just wondering what yours are... I've heard a lot more guys say this sort of thing then girls.