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Job vs family and where to live

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Apologies that this is somewhat long...I am really needing some advice on what is the right thing to do.


My husband and I have been married for about 2.5 years after dating for about 9 months. When I met my husband I lived in Oregon and he was living in Washington. After just a few months of dating we decided we wanted to pursue things more seriously so I quit my job and moved away from all my friends and family to Washington where he lived and worked. After a few years of living in Washington and getting married my husband had to made a career change and we moved out to Oklahoma where he could be an assistant college soccer coach at a university. Once again I quit my job and left everyone I knew to move to Oklahoma. Now comes the questions...my husband says he wants to pursue being a head college soccer coach as he really enjoys coaching and on one hand I want to support him in what he loves to do. On the other hand...I have said for years now that I would really like to get back to Oregon where our families are. To me the most important thing in life is relationships and If we are going to have children it feels important to me to be where they can have relationships with our families...not to mention the support a family can offer to those with small children etc. A head college soccer coach can have to move around some and I would like more stability for my kids and myself than that type of lifestyle can offer. The likelihood of my husband getting a head coaching position in the city in Oregon we are from is very small. I feel stuck between a rock and hard spot because I feel that I have sacrificed and given up a lot to move around for his jobs and feel that my wants are important too. And then I also want my husband to be happy and do what he loves. Any advice, perspectives etc are appreciate!

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welcome to ENA.


does he have some new job offers? where is he looking at applying? and is your career so flexible that you can find work anywhere? and i agree with you - when you have children, it's certainly easier if you have family around for help. though it's not impossible to get by without it, it sure helps.


what is his take on kids? would you be a stay at home mom?

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  • 3 weeks later...

If you dont let him pursue his dream he may end up resenting you in the future. He has goals and he is trying to fulfill them. I didn't read anything in your post about your goals other than having children and living closer to family. Families live cross-country all the time. You say you want to be closer to family for your kids sake, but is this really the reason? Or is it that you want to be closer to your family for YOUR sake? Your kids will be fine wherever you decide to live.

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