MissMetamatics Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I have been separated from my husband for almost 10 weeks. I filed for divorce on Jan. 28. We were together 5 1/2 years and married 18 months. He had an affair with his married co worker. I have felt good the past 2 weeks and felt like I was finally starting to feel good about myself again. I continue to get props on my strength and taking the high road in lieu of trying to ruin his life. I basically took me out of the equation and let the POS OW have him. But today I feel extremely weak. When I had suspicions of his affair I saved an email to use if he denied the accusations. Well today I came accross that email and BAM! I am hurt again. I know the email is 2 1/2 months old, but it felt as terrible as it did on 12/6. I feel like all the progress made was taken from me and my heart is shattered again. The only positive thing that came from me reading that email, was helping me realize no matter how lonely I am or hurt...I was 100% correct in filing for divorce and immediately ending our marriage. I am so grateful I don't understand how people can only think of themselves. I wouldn't be able to carry the guilt of destroying my family and helping destroy another mans family. Any thoughts or advice would be fabulous. If anything thank you for letting me vent. Link to comment
Geniuz khrist Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Wow, I commend you on taking the high road, and ending that relationship at the drop of a hat. Not too many people could do that. I know I could not at least. To be honest I would probably get a little emotional about that email too. But no matter how upset you get over the memories and all the little things, just know you did what you had to and it was the best thing for you. You will be back on the proverbial horse in no time, and will find that guy who will make you feel wonderful again, but until then make your self feel great, and be happy. Wish you well. Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Wow, I commend you on taking the high road, and ending that relationship at the drop of a hat. Not too many people could do that. I know I could not at least. To be honest I would probably get a little emotional about that email too. But no matter how upset you get over the memories and all the little things, just know you did what you had to and it was the best thing for you. You will be back on the proverbial horse in no time, and will find that guy who will make you feel wonderful again, but until then make your self feel great, and be happy. Wish you well. Thank you for your advice. It's been a rough 10 weeks. But I agree and feel things will get better and easier in time. I just hate that I am having to deal with this. But I am grateful I found out now, instead of 20 yrs from now. He's a liar and a hypocrite. He bashed our mutual friend for her affair, while he was having an affair. Link to comment
Geniuz khrist Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 ^^^^^^^ you will come to find out that those are the best kind of people, they set a great example of what not to do behind the backs of others. Very useful learning tool, at least thats how I look at it in my similar situation. I would never cheat nor would I be knowingly involved with someone in a commited relationship, all because those things happened to myself, I will never be that person. Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Yes, you have to love people who judge others for making the same decisions, that they won't accept responsibility for. I would never be involved with a married or taken individual. I don't get how the guilt doesn't eat them alive. If anything me soon to be ex hubby did me a favor. He showed his true colors and helped me get out of something that wasnt healthy. It just amazes me how selfish people can be. He thinks his actions only affected me, when it affected his stepdaughter, son, and the ow family. I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks. But in January he asked me why my daughter won't respond to his texts. And it's like really? Are you that stupid? I don't know anything about his current life and I don't want to. But he needs to realize he hurt more than just me. And I think he is either in denial or incapable of seeing the errors of his ways. Link to comment
Geniuz khrist Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Denial and incapable, are just pretty words for self centered, lol. Its a shame he left a whole loving family for what? Something he could have had at home. And guilt always eat people like him alive, no doubt in my mind he will be getting the short end of the karama stick for a long time, sit back and enjoy. Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Haha! I guess time will tell. But thank you for letting me vent. I appreciate it! Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 It's no surprise that you're feeling like you did on day of all this. The healing journey is long and slow, and is cyclical, which means you'll find yourself revisiting the many phases over and over. Perhaps you're one of the rare people that has the ability to compartmentalize and rationalize the pain away, in which case you will move on much more quickly than most, but like I say, it's a rare ability. For the rest of us, getting over heartbreak (particularly one that involves betrayal or other complications) it is a very long and difficult process. You doing the right thing by taking "you" out of the equation. The silence sends the message better than any tearful words could. Let your ex stare into the abyss of silence and wonder about you (if he's human), and don't give him the satisfaction of hearing you say you miss him. Hard as it is, just continue to stay away from that bastard. When you wrote - "I am so grateful I don't understand how people can only think of themselves." you touched on something that has been an important (even obvious) truth for me to learn from my own betrayal and heartbreak. The obsessive questioning of "how could they do this to me?" drives us all insane, and we never figure how it was possible for the person we loved and cared for to do these things. The truth of the matter is that for some people, betraying somebody or simply turning their back on somebody just isn't an issue. If you aren't one of "those" people who could betray a loved one like it was nothing, then it will never ever make sense. There really are people that are so self absorbed, or so insensitive, that they can do these things, and we usually don't see this quality in them until it's too late. I personally can't even imagine doing these things to someone I love and respect, but the girl I loved and lived with sure as hell could! You may want to search the term "Stages Of Grieving" if you're not already familiar. Link to comment
Kiwi28 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 MissMetamatics-- I know exactly how you feel. You will have some hard days and you will have some bad days. It's just going through the stages of greiving to heal yourself. You know you did the right thing but every once in a while, a trigger will make the emotions kick back in. Unfortunately, I don't think I am handling filing/finalizing my divorce as well as you. But it did hit me much harder once I had to show up in court last week to finalize. I found myself crying while cleaning the kitchen floor this past weekend. It will get easier. You have to keep telling yourself this. I came accross this the post below and thought it a bit motivating. Even if it is true or not, it does make sense. Hope you find it to be the same. "A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!" Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Freefallfeelin- thank you for taking the time to respond. You are 100% correct and I am sorry that you had to go through this too! I am trying to take what he did, and learn and grow from it. I know I don't want to be with him anymore. Reading that email reminded me how horrible of a person he is and how I will never let another man treat me that way. There is nothing he can say to make me feel any better about what he did. I have read the stages of grieve. I think i am in between anger and acceptance. But who knows? I have a roller coaster of emotions... Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Kiwi28- that post about the glass is very true! And makes so much sense. I am sorry that you are going through this too. I don't know why after 2 1/2 months things are still able to shatter me again. I wasnt perfect in my marriage, but I didnt deserve this... Thank you for sharing with me. It was very helpful Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.