Trust Issues..

[J_Davis929]

Hey, I'm Jennifer.. and My boyfriend of a little over a year is Bryan. I love Bryan to death, and I would do anything in the world for him to be happy. He is the one guy that has walked into my life and made me see the person I could be. He has made me such a happier person and he treats me so good. On the other hand, I've made mistakes in the past, like talking to my ex boyfriend while dating the guy I'm with now. I've even been accused of flirting with a guy that works at Wal-Mart, and as dumb as this sounds, Bryan won't allow me to go by myself anymore. I can't blame him though because if the situation were the other way around I would probably be the same way.

 

The only thing is, is that Bryan has messed up too..but he refuses to forgive me, and trust me the way I've forgiven him, and trust him. I admit I talk to my ex still from time to time, but its harmless talk. I don't love him, I love Bryan, and I want to be with Bryan for the rest of my life. But Is talking to my ex wrong because Bryan thinks its wrong, or simply because I do it behind his back? I don't want to do anything to mess what I have with Bryan up, its just I like having another guy I can talk to, and it happens to be my ex.. Please Help..

 

Thank you so very much..

~Jenni

[DBL]

My sister is friends with all her x boyfriends, and talks to them time to time. Her fiance doesn't mind. It think because he is very secure about himself and their relationship. I can't say I would be estaic about my girlfriend talking to her x boyfriend...but really depends on the situation. I don't think you should do this behind his back, because that will kind of just take away the trust and if you plan to be together for life, you don't want to have to hide something for that long.

 

Basically I think you all need to work on your trust. Him not allowing you to go to Walmart because he thinks you flirted with a guy is a bit out of hand. I would totally understand him if it was a bar. You all need to lay everything out and figure out how to work through it. Eventually you will get tired of not being trusted or he will get tired of not trusting...and your relationship may end from it.

 

DBL

[Mun]

I've even been accused of flirting with a guy that works at Wal-Mart, and as dumb as this sounds, Bryan won't allow me to go by myself anymore.

 

Hi Jenni,

This is a bit disturbing to me. You say your boyfriend Brian won't allow you to go to Wal Mart because he thinks you are flirting. Honey he is your boyfriend not your Dad, I understand that he is insecure but you should not be giving him this much power over you. He has deep issues and if you continue to accommodate him he is going to keep on tearing you down until there is nothing left of your free will and self -esteem. Alot of guys who are insecure behave this way and many of them end up being abusive to their partners.

 

What also shocks me is that you say he did the same to you and you have forgiven him but he can't forgive you. Why not? What makes him the special one who should only have forgiveness? If he loves you he would be giving you the same kind of love you give to him.

 

I know you love him, but you must remember to love yourself too. If you work too hard to make him happy.... guess what? He will begin to ONLY care about his happiness and not yours.

 

This may not be the right relationship for you. I know you love him now, but you are already unhappy--that should be setting off some big red flags. It would be interesting to see how he would react if you told him " Look I am not flirting with anyone at Wal Mart or anywhere else, either you trust me or this is not going to work."

 

I hope you care enough to stick up for yourself. Goodluck Sweetie.