Broke Up After 3 years :/

[jkepler85]

Hey guys,

 

Ya'll helped out a few years back when I went through a brutal break up. I bounced back from that one pretty well. Well, sadly today, another one bit the dust. She was a sweet girl, but she just wasn't happy anymore. Apparently after the first one, breaking up isn't quite so bad.

 

I knew something wasn't right, so I sat her down and asked what was going on. Considering that she was essentially breaking up with me, she cried a lot more. She felt she couldn't be emotionally open with me even though I'm a very open guy. I shed a few tears at the fact that she didn't seem to think she could be open with me. And a few tears for my daughter whom had grown fond of her. Not looking forward to telling her that her "friend" won't be visiting anymore.

 

She isn't happy with where she is in life, I'm finishing grad school this year, and she has been kinda stalled up starting her bachelors degree. She wants to work on herself and be an individual again. She doesn't want to feel like she has to please me.

 

I told her I loved her and always would and that she never had to pretend to be anything with me. I told her I always cared for her, but maybe I was not showing it how she wanted. I could try a different way if she wanted to help me understand what she needs. I told her I was sorry that she felt so unhappy and that I wished we had talked about it before it got to this point. I told her to smile more and that everything would be ok one way or the other. I gave her a kiss and took off.

 

We've had some rough patches before, but I think this time it's the real deal. I'm not completely crushed like my first love, but I am sad to lose her from my life.

 

But Keep Calm And Carry On I suppose.

[Xylitol]

I myself would say " talk to me, what is bother you so much then'

 

I would listen to her, give her compassion. And then ask her what do i need to do to make things work again, what would make you happy?

 

You should just give her the freedom that she needs now, and if she wants to focus on getting her bachelor so be it.

 

I think this doesn't have to be the end, i think she shouldn't make her heart a murder hole and talk about her emotions, i think she herself was too afraid to talk to you about these things. I would tell her its not too late, and we can work it out.

 

I don't see anything honestly here that is worth breaking up for, but i would give her her freedom, its important that you give her a month or two to do some serious thinking. I don't think you did anything wrong from your side.

[jkepler85]

We talked a few days later when I stopped by to pick up some things. She acknowledged that I was always good to her and tried really hard and she appreciated it. She said she didn't feel in love, but that she still loved me. I told her that can happen, "in love" comes from sharing experiences together and can ebb and flow especially when you've been together for 2-3 years. She said she was just really confused about her life and she needed some time to think it over. But it was very amicable. I told her that's fine, but that I'm not putting my life on hold. She can contact me if she feels different and we can see where things are at that point. I'm pretty lonely, but I've been trying to keep as busy as possible. I have hours/days where I miss her and feel neurotic, but I just talk to friend or smack myself back on track. I need to take some time for me as well.

[Ms Darcy]

Awww ... this too shall pass. I know you will find someone else when you heal. Give it time.

[jkepler85]

The hardest times are when you think about the good days. The days where she would walk in the room and I'd just smile and feel that thing deep inside. When I remember those feelings, ughh. It's been less than a week since I last saw her at this point, and after two weeks of no contact I know it gets better. It just sucks to lose your best friend and most intimate partner in one fell swoop. It sucks to wake up to a cold bed or to not have the covers stolen from you in the night. I sucks to not smell her lotion on my pillow or feel her nestled against me. I know I need to go through the stages and I just need to stop thinking about her, but my brain hasn't rewired itself yet and it's been a jerk and reminded me of all the good times.

[jkepler85]

I think I've finally accepted that it's completely over. It's both relieving and a little sad. She a was good girl, just not good for me right now and vice versa.