minorissues Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 So it's been awhile since I posted here. Just been busy and such. But I've recently encountered a rather silly situation and thought I'd take it to the forums and see what you all think. Very recently, I dated a guy. Things sort of fizzled out after a few weeks without any formal ending but we stayed in touch via text/call/occasional drink. In our post-dating phase, I could tell he was keeping me at arm's length a bit more than when we dated, but he always initiates contact and makes friendly plans with me (we are completely platonic for about four months now and speak a couple of times a month.) He's a pretty cool guy, very interesting, and I had hoped we could be friends down the road. Now, here's the part where I'm not sure if I did something weird or whether he's just weird. I recently joined an outdoors group online and went to my first meeting with them this weekend. Shortly thereafter, I joined a Facebook group where future events and pictures are posted for members of the outdoors group to see. Lo and behold, I saw that the guy I dated was a member of the Facebook group as well, and was tagged in several of the group's pictures from past events. He was not present at the event I attended. In fact, I knew, because he had told me, that he was going out of town the weekend that I attended the event, so it wasn't like we'd cross paths anyway. About an hour or two after I joined the group, I saw that he was no longer showing up as a member, and was later able to confirm that he had blocked me on Facebook. Now I don't get it. We were never Facebook friends; I had suggested we become friends early in our courtship and he had refused, and I respected that since we were newly dating. After things fizzled, I never brought up Facebook again, and it seemed to me that we were on friendly terms, since he still contacts me and hangs out with me. In fact, I had no intention to even bother him on Facebook when I saw him in the group, since I knew it would seem creepy. So now I'm not really sure how to handle this. Did I do something weird? Why would this person want to keep in contact with me but go to the lengths of blocking me on Facebook when we were never friends to start with? His profile is private anyway so it's not like I could see anything if we remained non-friends. Should I say something to him? Wait til he contacts me again? I am so confused and feeling kind of like a creeper at the moment! Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Who knows? Who cares? It's Facebook. The world won't end because he blocked you, and you'll never know his reasons for doing so unless you want to push the issue and ask him, but you don't want to be that type of woman, do you? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Just guessing here, but possibly if you joined the same FB group you might have shown up on his FB People You May Know list, and that might have given him the idea of blocking you. Maybe he's had FB stalkers before or something like that (not saying you're a stalker!). Still, like Camus says, why bother speculating, since it doesn't really matter. Link to comment
minorissues Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Just guessing here, but possibly if you joined the same FB group you might have shown up on his FB People You May Know list, and that might have given him the idea of blocking you. Maybe he's had FB stalkers before or something like that (not saying you're a stalker!). Still, like Camus says, why bother speculating, since it doesn't really matter. Hm, good call. When we were dating and I asked him if he wanted to connect on Facebook, he said he didn't add girls he dated because they caused drama. So I guess he had bad experiences before. But we're no longer dating, and he seems to want to be on friendly terms, so not sure what the catch is here. Thanks for the guess though! I realize I can't know for sure what's going on but my mind is truly boggled. Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 But think about it. a) you noticed within an hour or so that he disappeared from the group listing b) went investigating to confirm that he'd blocked you c) came here to analyze what this means d) considered confronting him about this Is it really so hard to imagine why he blocked you due to the likelihood of drama, even if you're no longer dating? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 He might think your online stalking him. I would suggest not being part of group unless you want to see him again.. Link to comment
minorissues Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 But think about it. a) you noticed within an hour or so that he disappeared from the group listing b) went investigating to confirm that he'd blocked you c) came here to analyze what this means d) considered confronting him about this Is it really so hard to imagine why he blocked you due to the likelihood of drama, even if you're no longer dating? Well I'm asking here so I won't have to confront him and cause drama. Really though, I've never had drama with an ex and I don't intend to start now. I over-think things but I don't act on it. I'd think if he were worried about me causing drama, he wouldn't keep in touch with me in the first place. I mean, I could've found him on Facebook a long time ago with or without the group, no? Link to comment
minorissues Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 He might think your online stalking him. I would suggest not being part of group unless you want to see him again.. It just seems odd that I'd have to leave the group because a guy I dated, who still wants to be friends with me, is a member there. We still hang out. We're still friends. I don't mind seeing him because, well, he still invites me to hang out. I didn't realize there was any bad blood between us at all. Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Who says there is any bad blood between you? Look, if you have a fine friendship with him in real life then why on earth are you worried about this? Why not simply carry on as normal? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 He still has feelings for you and doesn't really want to be friends, he's just biding his time hoping you change your mind. Blocking you on facebook is so he doesn't have to see you with other dudes because he knows how bad that will hurt him. Link to comment
minorissues Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Who says there is any bad blood between you? Look, if you have a fine friendship with him in real life then why on earth are you worried about this? Why not simply carry on as normal? Do you think it's a fine friendship if he feels the need to block me? I realize the simple and practical answer to this question would be, if it feels uncomfortable, I should give up on the "friendship" and move on. But it still seems odd to me and I was just looking for outside perspectives. For the sake of curiosity if nothing else. Link to comment
minorissues Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 He still has feelings for you and doesn't really want to be friends, he's just biding his time hoping you change your mind. Blocking you on facebook is so he doesn't have to see you with other dudes because he knows how bad that will hurt him. Thanks, interesting take on things. Though we were never friends on Facebook and both of our profiles are private, so it wasn't like either of us could see what the other was doing anyway. It's possible he thought I'd request his friendship and was afraid of the confrontation if he had to say no or ignore it. But jeez, it's just so silly. Link to comment
MJWasHere Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Id definitely just carry on like normal with him. I wouldnt bring it up or even let on that you are aware of it. There could be all kinds of reasons - maybe he has a GF who monitors his FB, maybe he is just done with FB or deactivated, maybe he only likes really close friends/family. Maybe he accidentally hit the block button. I wouldnt worry about it. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't think it's that silly. Facebook is stupid, and if I were on it I would block everybody. Link to comment
sonicsid Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Oh dear Gawd! Facebook! Living vicariously through social competition and the bane of post relationship existence. You always see "Omg! We went out and had a lovely time and then came home to blissful passion for 12 hrs!" You never see, "******* came home drunk and pissed in the clothes hamper...again!" Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 You never see, "******* came home drunk and pissed in the clothes hamper...again!" But I see it (or similar) quite a lot, actually. Maybe I have an honest, or shameless, set of friends! Link to comment
zep Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sounds like there's a girlfriend. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sounds like there's a girlfriend. This is what I'm thinking. There's a reason he doesn't want you associating with anyone on his Facebook - maybe he has a girlfriend or had one while you two were dating? Link to comment
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