Mom threatens me about possibly moving out

[Jetta]

Okay there's money in the family and my mom threatens to disown me if I move out on her. This conversation came up because of a job I applied to that includes an apartment. I was sharing this with her, which I didn't think was a big deal when she blew up and said "If you move out I will disown you."

 

My family has disowned me in the past and so it wouldn't surprise me if she does so again, but no matter what I seem to do money eludes me. I finished college, I'm trying to get a descent job, but still struggling through life really which she uses against me as I try to build myself up.

 

My brother of course wants me out of the will, because he wants it all to himself, and she originally told me she wouldn't do that to me, but now when it comes down to to it she would, he has always been her favorite and she really carries a hatred toward me.

 

Anyway it's not like I have that job, who knows if I'd even get it. But now I see there's a problem and I need to address it because I want to get out and she sabatoges me every chance she gets.

[metrogirl]

I'll be honest with you, money has never impressed me and if you are okay being taken out of the will then I would tell them all to stick the money where the sun doesn't shine and go on with your life because I would have done the same.

[Huntress0527]

Why doesn't your mom want you to move out? Can she keep up the place financially by herself?

[becomingkate]

It's a tough cycle. I have a step-child that comes from money, and she really struggles with it - she constantly goes back and forth to get what she needs. Money from them, and love and support from us. She hasn't figured out which she needs more, so we're always wondering what will happen next.

 

I don't want her to give up financial security, but at the same time, what will that cost her, emotionally?

 

Have you always fallen back on the family money? I think the only way to get around it is to walk away completely, but can you really do that?

[Jetta]

I don't know if I can do that. I'm very intertwined with them financially. My brother is my car loan for example.

 

And she says she'll have to sell the house, and she wants to sell the house she says but she hasn't even tried to sell it recently. Granted a bathroom needs to be updated, and she wants to get that done first, but there's always something really.

[pl3asehelp]

You'll be way better off just severing any financial ties with your family. I'd make that your priority. Your mother is controlling and is using money to control you. I wouldn't like to be controlled like that by anyone.

[Jetta]

Okay so how do I go about doing that, I'm being honest. I wanted to get a car loan but my brother basically talked me into him loaning the money, which has worked out for me because he's flexible whereas a loan wouldn't be. It's really a big mess all around and I don't even know where to begin.

[pl3asehelp]

Okay so how do I go about doing that, I'm being honest. I wanted to get a car loan but my brother basically talked me into him loaning the money, which has worked out for me because he's flexible whereas a loan wouldn't be. It's really a big mess all around and I don't even know where to begin.

 

Ask him to sell you the car and you get your own loan to buy it from him. A real loan from a bank probably won't be as flexible as a loan from a family member, but at least you know exactly what you're getting instead of all the strings that are attached to loans from family, particularly family that has in the past and continues to try to control you through access to their money. And you get your financial independence.