Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 So after church tonight I apologized to her for deleting her from FB and told her how immature it was and she said 'It's alright I thought about leaving it and waiting for you to add me back but I'm not playing this game. I am trying to work on myself I realized that I expect you to meet all my needs and you can't" and then I basically encouraged her and I to stay apart for the time being until we are better for each other, we then engaged in some small talk. Such as 'How has your week been?' 'Are you alright?' 'Do you need anything?' eventually I told her I was trying to not talk to her and she laughed and said "No contact is pretty hard to do, you couldn't do it if you tried. Honestly you have been doing pretty good this week" we both laughed and said our goodbyes and good nights. What do you guys think I know I broke the NC rule but I don't think it work. An Answered Prayer Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I also assured her I wasn't begging for her back and let her know I was okay with her decision. *I opened up with humor " I told her people have been asking me how I have been all day(Because we have mutual friends and they all know about our break up) and I gave them this analogy. you know Superman right? He can fly, he is super strong, and he is invincible. But as life goes on every once in a while he runs into some Kryptonite. You know what it does to him? It makes him powerless, weak and it hurts him. ( At this point she thinks I am talking about myself.) But none of that matters do you know why? Because I'm Batman." (She had a good laugh.) Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I think you and your ex on are the way to a nice platonic friendship. Which if that's what you want, then cool. Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I am pretty sure she likes me still she wouldn't be working on herself if she wanted to just be friends and like I said in another thread she said we could probably get back together she just needs to work things out with herself. Also I am over her if we end up together cool, If not Oh well I have been flirting like no other today. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Sounds like you guys are gonna be just fine. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I am pretty sure she likes me still she wouldn't be working on herself if she wanted to just be friends and like I said in another thread she said we could probably get back together she just needs to work things out with herself. Also I am over her if we end up together cool, If not Oh well I have been flirting like no other today. She's feeding you a lot of the classic lines. Could they actually be true in your case? Perhaps, but the stuff she's telling you is relatively standard. Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 She's feeding you a lot of the classic lines. Could they actually be true in your case? Perhaps, but the stuff she's telling you is relatively standard. Interesting well I am going to pull her. I have the leverage. I feel like she is being genuine. She has been getting a lot of advice too but don't worry I will not put all of my eggs in one basket this time! Also she told me that stuff when we broke up I straight up asked her if we could get back together and she said "I think there is a good chance of that." Also Thank You for the optimism Tom! Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Interesting well I am going to pull her. I have the leverage. I feel like she is being genuine. She has been getting a lot of advice too but don't worry I will not put all of my eggs in one basket this time! Also she told me that stuff when we broke up I straight up asked her if we could get back together and she said "I think there is a good chance of that." Also Thank You for the optimism Tom! Like I said, that's not terribly unusual. And if you were the dumped, you don't have the leverage. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but the worst thing you could do right now is be cocky. That's typically when these situations unravel. I'm not saying yours will, but just take it one step at a time. Plus, you probably don't want to get back with her this quickly. If she has to think, let her think, because you don't want her to come back hastily only to fall into the same pattern and repeat herself. Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Like I said, that's not terribly unusual. And if you were the dumped, you don't have the leverage. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but the worst thing you could do right now is be cocky. That's typically when these situations unravel. I'm not saying yours will, but just take it one step at a time. Plus, you probably don't want to get back with her this quickly. If she has to think, let her think, because you don't want her to come back hastily only to fall into the same pattern and repeat herself. I agree with you Shane. I don't plan on getting back with her anytime soon but If I don't have the leverage I will gain it. But What kinds of things do you suggest I plan on giving her space definitely. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I think you should not linger after church to talk to her. Just leave. Give her space. Right now she knows you want her back, so she can give you the little pats on the back of "you are doing so good not contacting me" and being a bit condescending "you can't do no contact." Just go out with friends and even to a different church service time to break away. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Don't worry about leverage. Certainly do NOT apologize for things like blocking her on Facebook and admitting you are childish for doing so. Be confident. You want to heal, so you are doing what is best for you. But don't tell her or explain what you are doing. YOu don't owe anything to her right now. you are on a fast track to the friendzone if you self deprecate, laugh at her jokes, etc, . Just go off on your own and heal also. You have to be out of her sight too to not be tempted to sit and wait. Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Don't worry about leverage. Certainly do NOT apologize for things like blocking her on Facebook and admitting you are childish for doing so. Be confident. You want to heal, so you are doing what is best for you. But don't tell her or explain what you are doing. YOu don't owe anything to her right now. you are on a fast track to the friendzone if you self deprecate, laugh at her jokes, etc, . Just go off on your own and heal also. You have to be out of her sight too to not be tempted to sit and wait. I am over her I am reaching out to other gals just in case it doesn't work. But I appreciate the reply and I will consider everything you said. Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 yeah...you're not over her or you wouldn't have posted this thread.... Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I am over her Uh-huh, yeah, right. So obvious you're over her. If you were into her, you wouldn't be on here analyzing every syllable with us.... Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Uh-huh, yeah, right. So obvious you're over her. If you were into her, you wouldn't be on here analyzing every syllable with us.... Touche. Wow I actually like this site very helpful lol I appreciate all of your advice. Hmm well I have a lot of food for thought but I think its headed in a good direction...Thank You again! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Touche. Wow I actually like this site very helpful lol I appreciate all of your advice. Hmm well I have a lot of food for thought but I think its headed in a good direction...Thank You again! Never reach out to other girls as back up plans. Reach out to them because you genuinely like them and want to see where it goes. I suggest you heal a little bit first so you are not on the rebound and certainly not comparing them to your ex. Link to comment
Greenj30 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Hey guys it's been a couple of weeks and im back to update you and get more advice. Well after almost 2 weeks of LC because I can't completely avoid her I decided enough is enough no more mixed signals and im going to talk to her. So I messaged her saying "I have been thinking and we need to talk." She replied "Okay lol. So our conversation went pretty well I think. She basically said -"I like you" -"I am not over my ex yet." (5 yrs is a longtime. They aren't getting back together.) -"I like everything you brought to the table." -"My parents Love you." -"I can't be with you right now because it wouldn't be fair too you." -"Lets try not to focus on relationship stuff right now." -"Other guys are off my Radar right now." -"I wish I could give you a time limit on how long it will be but I just dont know." -"I'm in the same place your in right now." I also told her I refused to be Friend zoned or Bro Zoned. Which she respected. My question is how do I start. From square one again without pressuring her? Link to comment
zep Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My question is how do I start. From square one again without pressuring her? This isn't very exciting or unique, but you should start with NC. If you don't want to do that, than you just need to "be cool" with not being together, as you said you would be if she didn't want to get back together. Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I don't think that conversation went well, honestly. I think that's her way of telling you no, while keeping you as a backup. I know you don't want to think that way about her, but it's probably true. My ex did the same thing. He wanted to "start over" and "date casually while working toward a relationship." I kept telling everyone that he was different, that he meant it. But truthfully, if someone wants you, they want you. They won't make you wait. Link to comment
matti Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 If someone told me that I couldn't do NC if I tried, I'd immediately sever all contact. That right there would be enough to fuel my NC campaign. Whatever you do, don't let someone tell you that you don't have the strength to do this or that. She's basically saying that you're too weak to cut her out of your life and move on by yourself, without her. Show her that you have enough dignity and respect for yourself to walk away and live your life independently. Don't worry, you're going to live regardless... And most of all, you're going to be just fine. Trust me on that! Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 If someone told me that I couldn't do NC if I tried, I'd immediately sever all contact. That right there would be enough to fuel my NC campaign. Whatever you do, don't let someone tell you that you don't have the strength to do this or that. She's basically saying that you're too weak to cut her out of your life and move on by yourself, without her. Show her that you have enough dignity and respect for yourself to walk away and live your life independently. Don't worry, you're going to live regardless... And most of all, you're going to be just fine. Trust me on that! Yeah, I agree with that too. It's a little condescending for the dumper to say that. Link to comment
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