This is why you keep NC!!!!

[Grant73]

Before I even begin, I know everybody is going to say I should have stayed away etc. I am 100% aware of this and that is what I am trying to portray to others by posting this. So here we go..

 

Long story short, we broke up a little over a month ago. Had very limited phone contact over that time to sort out a few things. Nothing important, just exchanging our belongings etc. All contact was via text and very straight to the point.

Last week I received a text saying that she had just undergone an operation and that she was feeling very sick and that she was all alone and didn't want to be by herself. I made no attempt to hide the fact that I still cared for her throughout the entire breakup so I went over to make sure she was OK.

 

When I got there she was drunk and her so called operation was done in a gp's office and it was only very minor. Anyway, we got talking and she asked me to stay the night to make sure she was OK. I ended up falling asleep next to her on her sofa with her laying accross me and woke up with her kissing me. I asked her what was going on and she started saying all the usual "I miss you etc". I of course got the old emotions back and kissed her back. After that we went to bed (fully clothed) and I spent the night there. She wouldn't let go fo me all night.

 

Next morning I woke up and left to go to work. Before i did she kissed me again and went back to sleep. I said I would call that night to make sure she was OK. When I called that evening she barely said a word and used the excuse that she was feeling poorly and just wanted to go to bed. I said I would make an effort to catch up wth her tomorrow and make sure she is OK and she said that would be good.

 

Next day I arranged to pick her up and I took her to see a movie she had said she wanted to see. I did this because like I said, I started getting old emotions back which is exactly why NC should never be broken. Anyway, I picked her up and she got in the car and said hello and nothing else. On the way to to cinema she had her head stuck in her phone the entire trip and never said a word. When we got inside she was still texting even throughout the movie. A couple of times she would turn and smile at me and say a word or 2 but that was it. She put her hand accross my lap at one stage so I held her hand to see her reaction. She didn't hold it back but she just allowed me to hold hers for about 2 minutes before removing it.

After the movie ended I took her home. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for taking her out and walked inside. No mention of another catch up or anything.

 

At this stage I knew I was being used because she obviously only wanted me around to fill the void when there was nobody else to do it.

 

Next day I text her and asked her if she wanted to catch up for dinner at some stage so we could have a chat. She said at some stage yes but she had plans for the weekend so it would have to be after that. The very next night she text me and asked what I was doing. Long story short, the messages ended up with me going to her place because she was feeling down and lonely. I knew straight way I should not have gone but I was stuck in that stupid mindset so I went.

 

When I got there she was drunk again. The sequence had become apparant. I was simply needed when she was lonely and had been drinking. So that night went like this... I got there, she was drunk, she said she had a miassive headache casued from stress and asked if I would rub her shoulders. I gave her a massage for about 20 minutes and she said all her stress was gone and that she could now sleep. She went straight to sleep without saying a word and hugged me all night while she slept. She was asleep when I left and the next day I never heard a word so I text her later in the day and asked if she was feeling better and she replied by saying "feeling much better thank you". That was it.

 

2 days go by and nothing so against all my better judgement I decide to try 1 more time. I text her a couple of days ago and told her I was in town and asked if she wanted to catch up for lunch. She said she was in town as well and that would be great. I met up with her about an hour later and she spent the first few minutes texting. When she finally looked up at me she asked me if I did scuba diving. We were only together for 6 months but she knew I did because although i never did it when I was with her, I spoke about it all the time.

Right there and then I made the final decision to never contact her again.

I responded by saying that she should know the answer to that and she said that she had forgotten. I said that yes I do and then she said oh that's good because I have to pick up a spear gun and snorkel etc for a friends birthday this weekend and you can show me what to get.

It turned out that she had her car in for a service all day and that she was going to have to walk around town all day from shop to shop but now that I was there I could drive her around. She didn't even ask, she simply expected it to be done. For the next couple of hours we went around the shops with me driving around and her being on the phone constantly asking her friends girlfriend what type she should buy etc.

 

Finally she suggested we grab some lunch and I figured we could finally have a chat but this didn't eventuate. In fact when we were sitting down to lunch she handed me some money and asked me to go to the bar and get her a drink because she didn't like ordering it during the day. I said no and she kept on about it so in the end I just did it. After lunch she asked if I could take her to her place to drop the stuff off she had purchased. This was a couple of hours before her car was due to be picked up.

 

I took her home and when we got there she was again on the phone to her friend and then talking to a reception place about booking a room for the birthday party.

Eventually she did come and sit down and to my surprise she asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I replied by saying that I thought we should speak about the things that were said and done when I stayed the couple of nights. She said that she couldn't remember what was said or done because she was sick and drunk but asked me to tell her. I just looked at her and felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

I said to her that I came over those nights to make sure she was OK and that on both occasions I text her the next day to make sure she was OK and that I made a really big effort to make sure she was feeling better. (I live 30 minutes from her so it's not like she is just up the road). Her response was simply that she woke up on both occasions and felt better. I asked her if I had contributed to that and she said that she didn't know because she usually doesn't feel sick for longer than a day anyway. I said that what she said really hurt because she didn't even bother making contact the next day to say thanks and now she was saying that I wasn't really needed anyway.

 

She again asked me to tell her what we had spoken about and again I refused. Her response again was a horrible one. She said 'OK so would you rather wait until I call you again when I'm drunk and can't remember?). Right there and then everything fell into place and I remembered why I was happy to end it all.

She then said she was tired and wanted to take a nap and asked if I could wake her in a little while when her car was ready. When I woke her I dropped her off at her car and she said thanks for today and left. 2 days later I have not heard a word from her. I know I was being used soley for a purpose to fill her loneliness and I was nothing more than an afterthought after that.

 

When we had luch I mentioned that my dad was going in for heart surgery today and all she said was that's the same day as her friends birthday. No message today asking how I am or anything or any news on my dad.

 

I know people are going to say I made a big mistake and I am well aware of that. I am just trying to demonstrate how important NC is as this has just opened up a whole new can of worms. I was well on the way to being healed and then this happens. I understand I was being used and there is no way if she ever contacts me again that I will do anything for her or even acknowledge her. I just don't know why she did this? I mean there must have been some part of her that wanted to see me or try again? I hate the fact someone can just do this and then turn around like it means nothing let alone keep doing it.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading and letting me vent.

[Teebz]

You know what, you sound like a really good guy with a good heart that took the time and effort to care for and look after a very immature and spoiled girl.

I can't believe the way this girl acted towards you. And sadly, it does seem that she was looking for someone to fill a void.

You are hurting from the breakup, which is only natural. So no, I am not going to tell you that you made a mistake by breaking NC!

People break NC all the time, but hopefully learn from it, and move onwards! Now you see her for what she really is, a user! NC should become a breeze now

Good luck!

[jemoeder]

Just take comfort in the fact that she is not nearly anything close to a "catch". Really, be glad she confirmed your NC mindset.

 

Dont sweat it about breaking NC. Happens and you learned a lot from it, especially that she is a no good brat i would say all in all a good experience to forget her even faster.

[piinklemonade]

Hey guys,

I broke NC earlier this week and I am living to regret it today...

Basically I asked questions of my ex that I would have been much better off not knowing the answers to...like why he can't be in a relationship, why he doesn't want to get back together yet he still loves me etc etc.

I am more hurt now than I was when he and I first broke up.

Sometimes, it is just better to let things go and take them as they were, rather than pursue them only to have them disappoint you.

[scaryhobo]

Use this experience to your advantage, let it remind you why you should no longer be with this woman. Maybe it wasn't a bad thing that you broke NC, maybe this experience can help you shut the door to your past.

[Elektra22]

We all make mistakes don't beat yourself up. I recently made a huge one also recently and responded to a few my ex's facebook emails and they just made me feel worse, but I am just learning to move on and realize that I deserve so much better and someone is going to appreciate and love me the way I do them instead of using me as their safety net. It helped me get some much needed closure, though, so in that way it was good for me. I really hope your father is doing well & healing fast Grant and that you can start healing also!

[boathouse14]

This post really helped me... I'm struggling with NC after 5 days. I need to stay strong! Thanks...

[Droplet]

Don't beat yourself up too much.

 

Instead, use this as an opportunity to raise yourself some boundaries : she has been using you all day, like her errand boy.

 

Make sure you never let anyone ( especially someone who rejected you previously ) do that to you ever again.

[Grant73]

Thanks for everyone telling me it's OK to be human. I was beating myself up a bit about breaking NC but looking back over the past few days I think in some strange way it actually helped given what I originally posted.

 

Just an update on the situation... Like I said in the original post, I am not even going to acknowledge her existence anymore let alone meet up with her and this became an even easier decision to make a few days ago after the text I received.

 

Looking back at what I did for her (went and stayed with her twice because she apparently wasn't feeling well / had a headache or whatever the reason was). I called the next day to make sure she was OK. Took her out etc... Anyway the night my father had heart surgery she text me very late and said "I just wanted to say I hope everything went OK today". I wasn't going to reply but I new where this would go and I figured it would help me move on because of it so I wrote back "He is in ICU on oxygen plus 2 drips. He is not out of the woods yet but we are keeping our hopes up. I think I may have a bit of a sleepless night".

About 30 minutes later she text "look after yourself and try to get some sleep". This time I didn't respond.

 

The difference between me and her... I went to her place twice when she "needed" me (lol) and then I called next day etc. She sent a text message, didn't ask if I was OK alone or if I needed company and didn't even bother with a phone call to make sure I was OK. And the past couple of days, not a word. This just cements the fact that she is a selfish non caring person and I can almost guarantee at some stage in the next couple of weeks I'll hear from her with some "need to see me". Some people are just pathetic and it takes a while to see their true coulurs.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still hurting and it feels like crap but I'm over being her puppet. I'll just give myself some time to be me and eventually things will get better. I can honestly say with 100% clarity that this is her loss not mine. She may never realize that but at least I do. Stay strong everyone

[WalkingGrace]

You didn't do anything wrong - you care for her and you wanted to help her. In a sense it's good that you did it, because now you have seen her true colours. Without that, you may have continued to romanticise the whole relationship for even longer. Now you KNOW what she is really like, you can draw a line in the sand and know that you are not ever, ever going back there.

 

You sound like a nice, caring guy. Next time round, you'll meet a girl who will appreciate that.

[twinlakes]

Grant we are just nice guys, dont beat yourself up about what you did. you did it because even though you were broken up you cared for her as an individual it was something you would have done as a friend.

i was there for my girlfriend at the times she needed me the most and no one else was there for her but when i needed her because of reasons that may have lead to the break up she did not care at all rather she walked away. even after this i still cared about her and reached out. The important thing is not to resent your ex for these things, continue to stay strong