Question for ladies aged in their early 20s upwards

[Mr. Cactus]

Hello ladies,

 

I was wondering if you could help me with a question. As a male, I know how I "matured" between, say the ages of 16 to 24. I changed an awful lot as a person. For example, I become less shy, more interested in people from a "personally" point of view, more prudent financially, more career minded, a better judge of character, less sensitive to criticism, greater foresight and planning, etc. I also changed an awful lot between 24 and my current age now - in fact more (I feel) than I did between 16 and 24.

 

But I am wondering how ladies change between, say, the age of 16 and 24? From my experience ladies mature (generally) far more quickly than do men.

 

So what I am interested in is hearing from ladies in their early to mid 20s or older, and if they would like to share how they matured over the period of say 16 to 24? For example, what was important to you at 16 - 18, but was not so important to you in your early to mid 20s? And what wasn't important to you when you were 16 - 18 but suddenly became important in your early to mid 20s. How did your attitude to males change in this period? Did you judge them on different criteria for example, as you got older? Were you attracted to a different type of personality as you got older, etc. If so, what characteristics (excluding physical ones) became more / less attractive as you got older?

 

Also, did you find you reached a certain age at which whatever you found attractive in males remained consistent, or is this criteria ever changing and evolving?

 

Thank you for any input here.

[kamitwi]

Perhaps I will not be too helpful, as I am 23 and not beyond the age that you specified, but I have found that the years between 16 and 23 are...revolutionary. I look back at that girl and I don't know her at all--she was so uncertain, so hesitant, bumbling. I feel like I was an outline and I've been colored in... I think that women mature much more quickly than men during this period--not that men do not experience changes also, but from observation and personal experience, I would have to say that women change MORE.

[Mr. Cactus]

Hi,

 

Thanks for the response. Yes, I can see what you mean about being the outline and colouring it in. I know for me 16 to 24 was a huge change, but so was 24 to my current age. But I almost look back and cringe to think about what I was like when I was 16. I sort of wonder how I got through it all really. Incidentally, I'm interested in hearing from anyone, say 21 / 22 or over - don't think you have to be in your mid to late twenties to add something. I'm not specifically trying to avoid getting imput from younger people - it's just that I'm principally interested how ladies feel they have changed when by the time they are in the midst of their twenties (ie you are comparing your current self to your previous self - But I'm not trying to compare one person's maturity to another person's maturity, since there are obviously many mature people younger than this).

[mahlina]

I would have to say that I grew up at a very young age, due to circumstances that I went through. I used to preach to myself a lot when I was 3, on how I cannot afford to let my life go to waste, just because some mishaps happened to me. That's why, I think differently. I kinda had to force myself to grow up a lot faster than I wanted. That's why I've been consistant in what I wanted.

 

How I matured between ages 16-22? I matured in a lot of ways- mostly rediscovering and reinforcing what I want in life. I went from the little miss ghetto chick to a hardcore nerd (not literally, but close ). At first, I tried to force myself to socialize (that's where the ghettoness comes from, mostly attire wise- baggy bell bottom jeans & dyed hair). I made friends on a superficial level, but it wasn't me. So, I grew out of it. My taste in fashion somewhat changed. I still love wearing cotton button up shirts, but I'm also really diggin the sophisticated office look. What was important to me back then, is still important to me now. Except, I worry less about purchasing a house at 25, and hopefully saving enough substancial money for my 401k. I used to freak out about things like that, but now, I don't. Sometimes I feel like a Bohemenian bum, because I don't worry as much as I used to.

 

How did my attitude of males change? I went from SUPER BITTER to LESS bitter. Let's just say, I'm starting to care less, and kinda just shrug things off more. Back then, I was like hotpotato, jumping from one bitter break up to the next. I guess you could say that I lost hope? I could care less about getting into a relationship as I'm getting older. My mentality is: if it's meant to happen, then it will. But, I also developed my own set of rules. It's called the "3 strikes your out policy," something that I personally, firmly abide by.

 

To paraphrase the last few questions..how has my preference changed? I think that it's been pretty consistant. I just have more experiences from dating. I know exactly what I want now. Not 100%, but more like 95. I must say, the heartaches are somewhat worth it. At least, whenever I do encounter new people, I'm able to spot out their alterior motives, and I'm not as naiive as I used to be. But the key quality that's always remained consistant and has always attracted me: a guy with a good heart, someone who is humble, someone who I find attractive in my own way, someone who makes me crack up, and someone who I can care for, and he can care for me, equally. Just someone who is genuine to who he is. I have this ideal image in mind, but just haven't stumbled accross Mr. Right, yet....

 

Nice Topic! Thank you for taking interest in learning about the oppossite sex. I respect that. -Mahlina

[Mr. Cactus]

Thanks for that very imformative and detailed reply Much of what you say would seem to be consistent with my pre-conceived notions regarding how ladies change in their attitudes as they grow up.

 

One thing though that I did not expect, and that is your comments about finances and worrying about hosuing etc. For me, it was almost the opposite. It never remotely concerned me or even shaped my behaviour until I was about 24. Then all of a sudden I began to become quite obsessed with those sorts of things (house, finances, superannuation, etc). It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I started to worry less, probably because it took me that long to become financially stable.

 

Also, thanks so much about your specific comments as to how your preferences regarding males have changed (or not). You have given me a lot of excellent insights. Thanks again.

[sidhat]

I think it is the hardest age for any guy who is in love with the girl 19 to 21.. they really messed up in this age and try to become independent and all alone,,usually girls dont care about their future they only start caring about whats going now.. become soo outgoing partying and blah blah.. but then suddenly they becomes on right track and relaize what the mess i was doing..

Psycologically this ages called "PHASE",, like people say ohh she is in PHASE condition.. i mean out of mind totally..and start saying these kind of words.

 

1/ I NEED A TIME..

2/ LET YOUR LOVE FREE, ITCOME BACK IT MEANT TO BE.

3/ I AM UNDER-PRESSURE.

4/ I WANT TO TRAVEL WORLD.

5/ BECOME TOO MUCH SELFISH AND MEAN.

6/ START THNKING THAT SHE IS SOO BEAUTIFULL AND ATTRACTIVE.

7/ NEED EVERYBODY ATTENTION. EITHER GOOD WAY OR BAD.

8/ DONT CARE ABOUT ANY RELATIONSHIP.

9/ TRYING TO STAY ALONE. (normally in room, or stay in home).

10/ SLEEPING LATE. (doing nothing just thinking and observing that how people are giving her attentions).

11/ I DONT HAVE ANY FEELINGS.

 

So dude thats the messed up PHASE of age.. If your g/f, finacee, friend..says these type of dialogs.. just take it on easy way and let her free..When her mind become straight again..she start finding you where ever you are in the world... but besure for MAN not to contact her after hearing any of this dialog.. just let her realize..

 

It might help you all to understand..

 

GOOD LUCK ..

[wheelie]

This is such an interesting thread! A buddy of mine wrote a book of interviews with women in their 20s, about their decisions and changing priorities: link removed./exploringrealities.html

 

For me and a lot of my women friends, the period you mention had a lot of big changes re: adjusting to life post school, etc.

 

But big as those changes felt at the time, they were NOTHING compared to the changes that hapened to us from 28-32. Among other things, that's the first time women start to get feedback from society that they are aging a bit (even though that's so incredibly young on the scheme of things!). So that's when I've seen even the most happy-hippie girls stop screwing around and start playing for keeps on all fronts -- their job, their lifestyle, their pursuit of a mate, etc. -- in ways they couldn't even imagine at 24.

 

This can be tiring and taxing for males, who wonder what happened to their happy-go-lucky good-time babes! (Men go through this same phase a bit later, 38-45 as far as I can tell.)

 

So Mr. Cactus, you indicate that you're well past the big 3-0 -- are you one of those older guys who dates early-20-somethings? Calm down, I'm not going to flame you. I ADORED older guys when I was 21-24 -- they seemed so together, so appreciative of my uniqueness, so respectful of my attentions! Plus they took me to better restaurants, had nicer homes, acted less childish and were generally way better in bed. (LOVE those 30s-40s guys -- still do!)

 

I don't regret dating them when they were 10-20 years older than me -- we had wonderful fun! But every time, we were BOTH in deep denial about what was going on. We pretended we were equals, but we weren't. They men liked me (besides the perky lobes) because I was young and hopeful and lighthearted and easily influenced (everyone likes feeling powerful), and I liked their power/knowhow/understanding, and how clear and simple my life became with them in charge. But then when there was conflict -- yow! Major bad feelings on both sides -- all the vulnerabilities we were avoiding came back in spades, and we ended up very "stuck" --unable to grow w/o ending not just THAT relationship, but all such unequal relationships.

 

If I've got it wrong in this instance, sorry (but girls, take note). And if I've got it right: Have fun and be careful! Ladies, you and the older guys may think you're "all grown up" at 25, but you are barely a shadow of the happy, amazing babe you can become when you get be to HIS age!

[Mr. Cactus]

Nice post there wheelie with some interesting insights. I thought the point about society putting "ageing" pressure on women as they get into the late 20s age group and beyond was very interesting. Actually I know the pressure to get married and have children can come much younger as well.

 

As for my own preferences, well I don't particularly seek or "target" any particular age group. In my time I have had interest in women quite a bit younger, a bit older, and of my own age. So far as I am concerned I would be just as happy for a 21 year old to show interest as I would someone my own age. So long as I felt we were both on the same mental wavelength, as that to me is the most important thing. But I do sometimes hesitate about showing interest in younger women on account of many of the points raised in this thread.

 

I just find this an interesting topic as I am finding the subject a bit more relevant as I get older. For two reasons I guess. Most women my age are resolutely single, or already married and settled down. It is very slim pickings for single men my age. On the other hand I am told by numerous people that I only look to be in my mid twenties and perhaps partly as a result of this I have noticed (in the last couple of years) that I seem to get more attention from ladies in their early twenties than I do from women my own age, even though I don't feel that I am doing anything to influence interest that might be directed in this particular way.

[southpaw]

Between 16 and 18 I was interested in taking lots of classes at the local community college, sex with my long-term boyfriend and water polo. I had good friends that I'd spend time with from time to time (still get together with them now when I'm back in town).

Early twenties I was taking up with my new boyfriend (latest ex), still playing water polo and taking classes. I don't think my priorities changed much between 16 and 20ish.

I don't think my tastes for men is so much a function of my age as it is of my experience. For example, the first boyfriend (16-19 years old boyfriend) left me with a strong dislike for uncertainty. We'd break up every six months or so and get back together, he'd make statements like "I don't know if I every really loved you" ...in hindsight I would have dumped him the first time he started doubting the relationship. It definitely left me with zero tolerance for any guy that changed his mind.

He also wasn't the most verbal person (more computer science/runner type) so after that I went for talkers. I started up with my most recent ex when I was 20. He was the pinnacle of talkers, he'd gone to nationals in debate and could generally argue anyone's view better than she/he could. We dated up until a few months before I turned 24. Now I'm wary of talkers. I guess my recent observation is that I probably won't really find someone long-long term compatible for another 6 years or so. Currently no characteristics are very attractive. I tend to be a bit jaded right now and when I see an endearing quality my more cynical side is like "i dated that quality in someone else and it didn't pan out so well". I realize that the overall product can taste very different depending on what other ingredients you mix something with but ...uh going to breakfast with the family...my opinions are probably a little colored at the moment...interesting thread, would be curious to see what guys have to say about the same topic...