Should I?

[sibelius9]

I cannot help but feel that the love I still feel for my ex and her daughter is something worth fighting for. I feel more than confident that our lives belong together but the timing was wrong and the circumstances were against us when we tried it. I have never connected with another human that way. Now I have healed and become a better person for myself and in the process I can only keep coming back to one constant truth: Those two are my world and I would give anything to be with them and get it right.

 

She is seeing someone else and I do not want to intrude on that. I'm not that kind of person. Our last few e mail interactions were friendly and in a few days it's her little girl's b-day and I want to send her a gift. Is this my opportunity to work hard at getting back what I treasure the most? My intuition tells me that she still loves me and only got with this new person to force herself to move one (and this is not just a theory...there is a load of evidence to back up my statement. I'm not just creating an illusion here. I promise). She's terrified of seeing me because, as she said, "seeing you could be enough". I did not handle this break up very well and I want a second chance. I want to redeem everything that appears to be "lost". Isn't anything possibly in this life? What bout HIM? I would hate it if someone did that to me. I don't want to break them up with any influence. I just want my two girls back and I want to make a life with them. Can/should I still live by her promise that "she has never been loved so much by any one person and she too has never loved anyone as much as she loved me"? I finally feel a lot of positive energy and improvement in so many aspects and I want HER to know this more than anyone else because I did it for me so that I could feel if I could or couldn't do it for them.....and here I am...longing for them more and more each day. I don't care what happened in the past. I want to start over with a clean slate and a new attitude. Offering this to a new person is all fine and dandy but it only feels like second best. Anyone want to help me out with this?

 

Please share your thoughts and/or opinions. Also, I ask that you refrain from any sarcasm or tough attitude statements. I am not here for anyone to sugar coat their opinions but some people are just out of hand with their delivery and I ask that we please avoid such callous energy on this blog.

 

Thank you.

[twodegrees]

Well, I say go for it. You have to be careful though since she is seeing someone. If she allows contact and is friendly...start there. Be positive, supportive, never pushy. This is not the time to share your feelings for her...just be there for her. See where it leads.

 

I will be a minority with my advice. Life is too short to not exhaust every avenue with someone you love. You need to fight...but fight smart, by just loving her. Put her first and you can't go wrong. If she rejects you again...loving her means probably moving on. Let her lead. Good luck.

[transmit]

You don't sound healed and it sounds like you're projecting a lot of things onto her... that her current boyfriend is merely a rebound, for one thing. You're already fantasizing that your presence could be disruptive and cause her to break up with her boyfriend. This is not a good basis for returning into her life. You need more time, you need to expect less.

 

A small birthday greeting or gift might be fine depending on what's currently appropriate in your relationship, but I personally think it's unfair to involve the child if you want to get back together.

[appies]

if you truly want to build your life around them its going to take a long long time to reconcile. Patience is your friend don't do anything too drastic

[sibelius9]

Thank you for your honest and encouraging words. They truly resonate with my most honest sentiments. I'll let you know how things develop.

[sibelius9]

Fair enough. Thank you for your sound advice. I agree. Patience is what I'm working on (day in, day out). I'm getting there.

 

if you truly want to build your life around them its going to take a long long time to reconcile. Patience is your friend don't do anything too drastic

[sibelius9]

While I appreciate your thoughts and fully comprehend where they are coming from, I would like to clarify a few of the details. Perhaps I wasn't very clear with my post. I DO NOT think that her current mate is necessarily a rebound. Only she would know that and I have long stopped playing the assumption game (it has never worked to my benefit before). I was simply quoting one of the last things she said to me when I informed her that I had to travel back to our hometown to resolve some things and she said "if I see you, you know that's all it will take for me to give in". I even expressed that if she was uncomfortable with that then we had no obligation to meet whatsoever. I have never wanted to put her in some emotional bind (she was also single when she said this...he came later. perhaps that was my cue to do something and I missed it? Makes me wonder). What you interpret WOULD, in fact, be an unhealthy foundation in opening up any doors of communication/reconciliation. I agree with you and yes...I am definitely still in the thick of the healing process.

 

The birthday gift for her daughter is FOR her daughter and not a manipulation tactic in the least. I will, of course, ask her if sending this is ok with her. I could never involve the child for any selfish gain since I love her so very much and I have been a victim of such scapegoating in my own life throughout my parent's divorce.

 

I do expect the least possible. It has taken a while to get there but it helps with recurring disappointment and you're right about time....it's really one's best friend in the long run.

 

Thank you!

 

You don't sound healed and it sounds like you're projecting a lot of things onto her... that her current boyfriend is merely a rebound, for one thing. You're already fantasizing that your presence could be disruptive and cause her to break up with her boyfriend. This is not a good basis for returning into her life. You need more time, you need to expect less.

 

A small birthday greeting or gift might be fine depending on what's currently appropriate in your relationship, but I personally think it's unfair to involve the child if you want to get back together.