One month no contact

[Brokebutno1]

This is my first such post, but have read alot of these lately so thought i would say whats been on my mind and see if anyone has any advice.

 

I was with a girl who i still love for just under 2 years up until this last xmas. We were a great couple however a couple of my lifestyle choices (smoking weed and gambling) really bugged her and although we never openly spoke about it, i knew it prevented her from fully committing to me and seeing a future for us. I was immature and was scared of committing fully; she was my first, so coupled with the smoking, i just felt awkward about things like staying the night, or having dinner with her/my family.

She takes her work ultra seriously and as it started to get real busy for her late last year, she pretty much dumped me. I took it hard, acted like a baby and begged for her to stay...typical after reading slot of these...until at the beginning of this year she asked for one month nc. I manned up' and said i thought it was a good idea, then hugged her and walked home the 5km from the coffee shop we were at, refusing her offer of a ride saying i had some thinking to do...didnt turn back.

 

Long story short, it ended yesterday and in this month ive made drastic changes. No more smoking or gambling, im fitter than ive been in aaages...however as great as my body is, my heart is torn up still. I knew shed be expecting me to call right on 30 days begging for her back, saying how much i loved her etc...so i didnt. I sent a short email ( not the 2000+ word draft i had outlining everything id changed and everything id missed..etc). I told her id changed, that i was sorry for what id become, that id love to see her but respect her space, that i hope her and her fam are safe and well. I signed off using my pet name she used to use, and p.s'ed that i love her, know we can be great together and i miss her deeply...i intend to go no contact again now and leave anything further up to her, as hard as i know that will be, but i kinda want her to see im stronger now. I dont really subscribe to these mind games of acting like it doesnt matter to me, i'm too honest and emotional so i just had to put it all in there( that i love and miss her).

 

Anyways, my email went out 3 days ago and no reply i dont know what i really expected, but it hurts waiting snd wondering..the mind can be your worst enemy sometimes!.i dont know if she's even read it.. My fear is that she'll not get in touch for a long time by which time i would have moved on. I love her with my everything, and want a future together, but i cant deal with the lonliness. Everywhere i look reminds me of something that reminds me of her, and i feel i need the support of a companion in all aspects of my life. Its all good to say i can wait for her, but 1 it makes me feel like a chump and 2, i need someone in my life for support and everything really!!!

 

My question is, should i tell her this, that im lonely and drpressed all the time, and that life is not the same without her??..or should i wait it out? And if so how long should i wait? I dont want to just forget about us and look for a new partner but i cant stick to this routine forever!( work, get home and workout, eat dinner then just watch a dvd and go to sleep...repeat), and i dont want to ruin a month of building myself into a proper person on an impulsive, emotional decision! I know the smart thing to do is wait it out and concentrate on me, but would really appreciate an outsiders view.

[shady_blue]

Definitely don't tell her you are lonely and depressed all the time as that just won't help.

 

Use this bad situation as motivation to make some positive changes, like you are doing, and focus on that. The only way she would consider being with you again, presumably, is if she sees you getting on with things and being a strong person.

 

It's horrific, but keep the no contact going as it is the only way for feelings to fade away. If it is meant to be she will come back to you.

 

Keep your head up man.

[WilliamNova]

My question is, should i tell her this, that im lonely and drpressed all the time, and that life is not the same without her??

No.

 

or should i wait it out? And if so how long should i wait?

Well the fact that you haven't sent her another email in 3 days is good. Maybe wait it out another 4 days and contact her again. This time ask her if she wants to meet somewhere. If she doesn't reply this time around, consider it over and try to move on the best you can. You can't look forward when you keep looking back.

[brokenh]

Hey Brokebutno1, really sorry to hear/read about your situation. You said that you don't want to ruin a month of building yourself into a proper person on an emotional, impulsive decision. I really respect that and I know how difficult that can be. I have been struggling with similar thoughts recently. Good work with that and keep that attitude. Impulsiveness can cause havoc. Not going to lie - it's going to be a **** ride fighting against making an impulsive action.

 

I would advise against telling her how lonely and depressed you are. Like others have said, it will not help. You were with her for 2 years and I am sure you had some great times. Remember that as you approach this situation slowly and with a clear mind.

[freewill1234]

Do not contact her and leave it alone. Let her come to you. Keep making the changes in your life for yourself, not her. This will make you a better person and who knows, maybe your paths will cross again and you'll get back together OR you becoming this better person you want to be for yourself, may open up new doors.

[Brokebutno1]

Thanks everybody, wise words indeed. I was going to call her today just to ask if she was ok cause i havn't heard from her in a while, but i think thats just desparation rearing its head. She knows where i am if she feels she needs support...i'll call her at the end of this week just to touch base, wont even talk about us, just see if shes ok. Thanks a million

[Brokebutno1]

Stupid move, i didnt get a reply to the email so thought she might be in trouble so texted her asking if she was alright, and that im here if she needs me. And that i love her... Didnt get a reply so reactivated my facebook to see if she was ok, and just saw a bunch of photos of her partying with friends, generally havin a good time. It broke me, seeing as how this month has beenso so brutal for me. This hurts so much. All i want is to reach out for support from her but she clearly wants nothing to do with me when shes the only one i want anything to do with. Why do we bother getting with people when we know how bad we feel when its over??