Sex dreams and thoughts.

[Baxter2013]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 18 months, and we've had a very good relationship aside from her getting a little clingy at times.

I love her very much, but I've begun having a lot of dreams involving sex with other women (sometimes they're work colleagues I would generally never think about).

& I find myself thinking about other women a lot. Not in a "I want to be with another woman" way, just little side thoughts of little sexual things.

 

I have great sex with my girlfriend, but I guess I do only see her every fortnight or so due to my work and her being at University.

 

Does this mean I'm falling out of love with her?

 

Is there something wrong with me?

 

What should I do?

[Not a rookie]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 18 months, and we've had a very good relationship aside from her getting a little clingy at times.

I love her very much, but I've begun having a lot of dreams involving sex with other women (sometimes they're work colleagues I would generally never think about).

& I find myself thinking about other women a lot. Not in a "I want to be with another woman" way, just little side thoughts of little sexual things.

 

I have great sex with my girlfriend, but I guess I do only see her every fortnight or so due to my work and her being at University.

 

Does this mean I'm falling out of love with her?

 

Is there something wrong with me?

 

What should I do?

 

Have you had such dreams when you were single?

[Baxter2013]

Well yes of course.

They did stop whilst I was getting to know my girlfriend/then when I got with her. But now they've started up again.

[LikeWater]

It doesn't mean you're falling out of love with her, necessarily. You say you still have great sex with your girlfriend, so I'd assume you still find her attractive and sexy, right?

 

What about the other aspects of the relationship? If it's all about sex for you, then yeah, you're probably gonna get bored and start wanting to have sex with other girls. So... do you genuinely like her as a person? Do you two have fun together? Does her personality click with yours? Let me know some things of that nature.

 

You can't control your dreams, really, but you can control your thoughts. At least somewhat. It's normal to find other girls attractive, and it's even normal to fantasize about other girls from time to time. But if it's an all day, everyday thing, then there might be something else going on. Try your best to just shake these thoughts away and if your relationship with your gf is great, as you say it is, then I don't really see much of a problem here. Just try to focus your thoughts on other things.

[Not a rookie]

Well yes of course.

They did stop whilst I was getting to know my girlfriend/then when I got with her. But now they've started up again.

Do you watch porn sometimes?

[Baxter2013]

Yes I do like her a person. We have our ups and downs, and she went through a period of being a little too clingy. But aside from that we always have a laugh, we're interested in similar things. She's very open sexually, and at times I think she possibly wants/brings up sex more than I do.

Which is why I find it weird I'm having these dreams/thoughts.

 

The thoughts aren't ALL the time, it's just been happening quite regularly over the past few days.

 

She did have a period of being clingy last week or so, but that seems to have resolved after a little talk. I think she just gets anxious as she's not seeing me as often due to her being further away.

 

Is her clingyness having an effect on me?

[Baxter2013]

Do you watch porn sometimes?

Sometimes yes. Not all the time, but maybe once a week/fortnight.

[Captain Obvious]

Clingy how?

[LikeWater]

So are you afraid that this is going to lead to you cheating on her? Because if that's not even within the realm of possibility for you, then there's no real problem here. Just keep your dreams and your thoughts to yourself and keep on loving your girlfriend.

[Not a rookie]

Ok I am a woman but here how it is for me: When I was/am in exclusive relationships I also dreamed/dream about having sex with other men. But I think this had to do with me watching porn sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. We dream about a variety of things.

I also think it also has to do with the fact that we rarely meet our 100% sexual match. Our partners may be wonderful in bed but maybe they do not want to participate in a fantasy of ours. So hence we dream about that in our dreams. My two cents.

[Baxter2013]

Contacting me too often, such as wanting to be on the phone all the time. & sending me messages whilst I'm at work.

[Baxter2013]

I would never cheat on her no. I'm very traditional, and I would hate for that to happen to me, never mind let it happen to someone else.

I'm just worried if this is the beginning of me falling out of love with her. Will I suddenly find myself finding other women more and more attractive?

[Baxter2013]

Ok I am a woman but here how it is for me: When I was/am in exclusive relationships I also dreamed/dream about having sex with other men. But I think this had to do with me watching porn sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. We dream about a variety of things.

I also think it also has to do with the fact that we rarely meet our 100% sexual match. Our partners may be wonderful in bed but maybe they do not want to participate in a fantasy of ours. So hence we dream about that in our dreams. My two cents.

 

I think she has more sexual fantasies than me. She's the one that has always brought up wanting to try new things.

Should I avoid porn?

[Not a rookie]

Well I can only tell you that when I avoided porn, I started having less of those dreams. Maybe avoid porn for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

[confused31681]

I'm just worried if this is the beginning of me falling out of love with her. Will I suddenly find myself finding other women more and more attractive?

 

If that's all that love means to you, yeah maybe so. But if love means more, you could even look at it like its a good thing that you have yer dreams even if you lose a bit of libido and twinkle in the eye for the gf once in a while. Sex and attraction isnt everything all the time, especially over time. In any case, I have dreams about flying and breathing underwater and killing people and being a piece of purple moss, but it doesn't mean anything, its just dreams. If yer just worried about dreams, relax.

[ChewyC]

You know, I'd say it's perfectly healthy, as long as it isn't happening too much. We always want what we can't have, even if we actually don't want it. I mean, many people (men and women) might fantasize about celebrities (Katy Perry is my guilty pleasure) so why not "regular" people? As long as you wouldn't really act on these fantasies. When I was with my ex, if Katy Perry came to the door and asked me for a ride, I'd say no, because I was committed to my at the time girlfriend and would never cheat on her, not even with Katy Perry, no matter how much of a fantasy that'd be!

 

Also I'd say as long as you aren't thinking about any of these other women during sex with your girlfriend.

[Snny]

I love her very much, but I've begun having a lot of dreams involving sex with other women (sometimes they're work colleagues I would generally never think about).

LOL, you're a guy. Sex is a high need for you and many men. Don't over-analyze this.

 

I would never cheat on her no. I'm very traditional, and I would hate for that to happen to me, never mind let it happen to someone else.

I hate to break it to you, but you are not a traditionalist if you are watching porn and banging your girlfriend before marriage.

 

And even though you say you would never cheat... it does happen to those who are faithful. The only real reason why people cheat is because their relationship needs are not being met for a length of time and there is lack of communication in the relationship. So far, you say you are getting enough from your girlfriend sexually... how about your other needs?