The hardest part is not knowing...

[nicholascrack]

Hey everyone,

 

It's been a while since I've posted anything, but know that I've been reading your posts and appreciating the strength I receive from doing so.

 

The worst part is not knowing what is going on. My ex and I both feel that we want to be together later on, but now is not the right time. In the meantime, she has said that she wants to date other guys. Hmmm...Somedays that sounds more appealing than others. We talk on the phone everyday for hours and hours, see eachother at school and try to hang out with eachother as much as we possibly can.

 

Which is why this weekend is so troubling. She left to go to another town for the weekend for a school event. She hasn't talked to me in several days, doesn't respond to my IM's or my phone calls. It's starting to look like the last time she left me for another guy: she didn't say anything, I found out when we were at the same club two nights in a row. That was so hard on me. It devestated me. I HATE NOT KNOWING. Sometimes I'd rather she call me up and say, I'm dating this guy, maybe we should chill for a while. I would appreciate and respect that. Not answering the phone and not responding to my messages just makes me feel like an idiot. And I hate that. I hate not knowing. I had to read her MSN profile to find out we were broken up last time, "My new boyfriend is the best and I hope you know it."

 

Anyways, maybe there are people out there that know what I'm talking about, that hate not knowing what is going on and feel like losers trying to get in touch with someone that doesn't want to be in touch. Sigh...

 

Your thoughts would all be appreciated.

 

Sincerely,

 

Nicholas

[cmacey]

Well, it is good to have some peace of mind and know that your ex is not seeing someone else. But at the same time, would you even really want to know that they've moved on completely? The best thing to do is try not to care whether or not she is seeing someone else and just leave her be. My ex kindly called one night to tell me that she had started seeing someone else, and I didn't want her to tell me that at all. I was moving on fine, and all it did was give her the satisfaction of knowing that I know that and didn't find out from someone else and then get mad at her for not telling me. It's weird. Either way, you're upset about it, but not knowing isn't any worse than knowing for sure. Just try to ignore it for now. You'll either eventually find out on your own she is seeing someone, or you won't, either way you gotta just try to move on without her.

[boochanik2]

yeah i know how you feel man for im doing that right now at my house. for me and my girl broke up also for all i can say is man, hang out with friends as much as you can for then you will forget about it for a while but i still think about it but not as much for just hang out with your guy friends and i would cut her off for a while, for it will make it alot better not as hard also for she knows what your doing for you calling her and thinking about her for if you dont call her she will think what is he doing for he is not callin me and not hang out with me ...

[nicholascrack]

I agree with most of what you both had to say. You go from having the person say they love you, then two days later, after a trip out of town, they don't even pick up your calls. It's getting to be too much for one guy to handle.

 

I am a strong man, I've been shot at, seen friends die in front of me, been arrested, but I kept going. But this thing with this girl just continually beats me down to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go through that again. I did once and I can't do it again. This isn't usually like me. I hate what I've become. I used to not let this petty stuff get to me, but here I am, wallowing in self-defeat.

 

Four months ago, something inside my mind just snapped. I don't know how else to explain it. I was a happy, young, successful, good-looking man. Now I am reduced to this pitiful mess. And that's what angers me the most. I was never like this ever before. I've been with girls that have broken my heart and I would move on so easily. Then you find, "the one," and you start thinking about a future. "When you find the one that's true, that's the one that's gonna do it to you..."

 

I just can't seem to get out of this rut that I'm in. I'd love to be able to just carry on and live my life, but this stuff just beats me down. I never thought I'd be the type to ever want to surrender to this sort of sadness...

 

Sigh...

 

Nicholas

[boochanik2]

yeah, for girls are diffrent for there are like waves, i think the thing that i had was my girl said that she wanted to marry me first to me, i felt that way but i never said that to her for now where split up??? yeah all i can say is that there is always some one better that will come around and keep that in your mind and hang to your singal guys friends for it sucks for i think that guys feel more then women do at times for they think that we dont have the much feelings in side but we do

 

keep it up your doing fine i get mad hahaha i say to my self that i was better then her and that there some one better for me then her

 

 

[popo]

nicholascrack,

 

i also hate not knowing. sometimes i feel like i need to know my ex's love life coz i still put some hopes for him to ask me back. just want to know whether i should continue hoping or not. but better learn from cmacey's experience. otherwise, i dont want to kill my dream.

[mattducky]

i totally understand how you feel. Maybes are terrible and uncertainty kills me. The hardest thing besides not knowing is that the only way it seems to get over them is to tell yourself they werent the one. problem is YOU DONT BELIEVE THAT. I have been with a beautiful young women for 3 years on and off and we are separated now. I cant function. I feel emotionally paralysed. It hurts so much becuase I have come to this point where i know she is the one for me...i love her unconditionally and i cant let it go. She just started the NC thing with me last week. Its terrible. She says she just needs time to be alone and figure herself out but the uncertainty is what drives me crazy. I know this whole situation got to this point becuase she started to have feelings for another guy who was nice to her. Now as much as i want to just give her the space my thoughts are constantly about her and what she might be doing with him and not knowing if we will ever be together again. I gave her everything and I've told her so many times how much i love and care about her. Im just worried now because im afraid that i pushed it too far and she feels suffocated. But thats it. I want her so bad that i ended up losing her now anyway. All i can say is i feel your pain man and we just gotta wait and see and try our best to make ourselves feel better and be better. Hey...that will just make her want you back more anyway.