blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Ever since long ago, our fights never ended well. A lot of times I would just hang up or tell her to eff off, or sign off (if we were talking online) and ignore her. One time, I was ignoring her (which she claims she hates the most) and she said she was crying so hard she couldn't breathe. And it supposedly affects her for a few days after. One time, she ended up in the hospital, saying her chest hurt too much. When she got there, she even took a picture and sent it to me. I felt bad and I had this big feeling of guilt upon me... This is the same girl I just posted about, who lied to me about a guy she was talking to and is now with him a week after our break up. She broke it off with me because she claims I have an anger problem. But the times I did get angry and hang up on her or something like that, might be up for debate to be valid reasoning to do so. She has told me many times how difficult she can be and how no one would want to be with her because of how she is. At those times, I would always have to reassure her that it wasn't her, because I felt so bad. My best friend knows her very well, and claims she treats me like crap. I don't know what to believe anymore... If it was really me, and she had a valid reason to cut me off? Link to comment
Amandacast57 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I think from what you described, regardless of her actions, are signs of anger, or at least something you need to fix. It is SUPER important in a healthy relationship that both parties are able to discuss issues in the relationship. If you feel that you get so heated that you need a moment to yourself, then you TELL her that. Say something like "Babe, look, I'm really mad and worked up about this and I just want some time to cool down and then we can talk". DON'T ignore her. Good lord, I HATE when someone ignores me. Just think about whether or not you want like someone you care about ignoring you and the fact that you are upset. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I think you both must love drama. It's your choice to continue to involve yourself in such a situation, but hopefully you'll wake up and realize this isn't healthy. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I think from what you described, regardless of her actions, are signs of anger, or at least something you need to fix. It is SUPER important in a healthy relationship that both parties are able to discuss issues in the relationship. If you feel that you get so heated that you need a moment to yourself, then you TELL her that. Say something like "Babe, look, I'm really mad and worked up about this and I just want some time to cool down and then we can talk". DON'T ignore her. Good lord, I HATE when someone ignores me. Just think about whether or not you want like someone you care about ignoring you and the fact that you are upset. I actually have told her that before. Like "Listen, I need some time to cool down. Can we talk about this in a little bit".... And she would say no. And pretty much force me to stay and talk.... And I even told her this recently, and she said "You shouldn't be getting that mad in the first place to have to leave the conversation and come back to it later"..... Which I felt was unfair. Especially considering some of the things she puts me through. Like wanting to meet an online friend, half-way accross the country. Then calling me controlling or jealous or insecure when I tell her that it's a safety issue more than anything, since you never met him before and are going alone. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I think you both must love drama. It's your choice to continue to involve yourself in such a situation, but hopefully you'll wake up and realize this isn't healthy. I realized it, and we aren't together anymore. But ironically, she broke it off, not me. Saying I have an anger problem.... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Ever since long ago, our fights never ended well.A lot of times I would just hang up or tell her to eff off, or sign off (if we were talking online) and ignore her. One time, I was ignoring her (which she claims she hates the most) And it supposedly affects her for a few days after. She broke it off with me because she claims I have an anger problem. Well, if not anger problems, then at the very least you need to learn to communicate effectively without the swearing. You need to learn to STOP hanging up on people, or signing off and ignoring people etc. That shows some serious communication issues and will get you nowhere. Not many people will handle a relationship with a partner who does that and will soon walk out the door. If you continue this way I don't see any relationship working out very well for you. Also, she knows you better than we do (obviously), and if she broke up because she claims you have anger issues, then you should take her word for it. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I realized it, and we aren't together anymore. But ironically, she broke it off, not me. Saying I have an anger problem.... Do you have an anger problem? I suspect this toxic relationship has your mind so thoroughly clouded that you don't know which was it up. Take a good long while on your own to let the dust settle and then see if things are clearer for you. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I wouldn't be suprised if you had issues with anger considering the way she acted with you while you two were together. I was irritated with how she was treating you and I don't even know her. She's doing it again you know, turning it around on you like you are the bad guy. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I wouldn't be suprised if you had issues with anger considering the way she acted with you while you two were together. I was irritated with how she was treating you and I don't even know her. She's doing it again you know, turning it around on you like you are the bad guy. What do you mean, what were you irritated about? Link to comment
blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Do you have an anger problem? I suspect this toxic relationship has your mind so thoroughly clouded that you don't know which was it up. Take a good long while on your own to let the dust settle and then see if things are clearer for you. With everyone else in my life, I don't snap or get upset like I do with her. I would think if I did have an anger problem, it would be all around, not just for 1 person. But I'm not sure anymore what to think.... I feel so lost and confused and hurt Link to comment
blacklantana Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Well, if not anger problems, then at the very least you need to learn to communicate effectively without the swearing. You need to learn to STOP hanging up on people, or signing off and ignoring people etc. That shows some serious communication issues and will get you nowhere. Not many people will handle a relationship with a partner who does that and will soon walk out the door. If you continue this way I don't see any relationship working out very well for you. Also, she knows you better than we do (obviously), and if she broke up because she claims you have anger issues, then you should take her word for it. I agree. I probably shouldn't have been hanging up on her or ignoring her. It was just so hard when I felt like she was disrespecting me a lot or wouldn't give me a cool down time when I would ask her for some. But again, maybe this is all my fault. I'm not sure anymore Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 It sounds like you two feed off each other and thrive on the drama - in other words, a very toxic relationship. Be glad it's over and learn from it. Link to comment
HeatherB Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 From what you've said, it sounds like she left you to be with this other guy. She may have decided to do that because she thinks you have an anger issue. Consider the source. If you trust her judgement, go ahead and look at yourself and decide whether you have control over what you do and say when you get angry. Make any tweaks you think worthwhile. Regardless, her opinion no longer counts for much because she's an ex. She's your past. Your future is a lot more interesting than your past. Link to comment
Comstar Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Anger that is out of control is part of our poor emotional education. We men are taught that the only valid way to express emotions is through anger, not love or a more healthy way of expression for emotions. You may need to find material on how to control your anger. You will have to express feelings as they are, and you should not fear to lose manhood because of that. Not expressing emotions or expressing like anger is a direct route to hurt women. A relationship can only be destroyed by resentment. We do not owe any accountability to other men, only to ourselves. And we need not to allow poor interactions may bring resentment to your relationship. There is nothing bad with being caring and even cry when we must. That old idea of manhood, that we need to withstand anything, that big boys do not cry, that anger is the way to express emotions, is an obsolete way of manhood that is not valid for our modern urban life. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listen to her. What you make her feel, in the future she will bring back to you. So if you are smart, you may try to make her feel good, like a great human being, and you may help her to achieve her goals, help her to grow and be like she wants to be. Link to comment
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