too soon to break NC? i want her back

[derpyderpensen]

To keep a long story short things have been going kind of downhill with my now ex since about january 6th over something stupid we've been barely talking and i guess officially broke up on the 21st we've been together for 2+ years and broke up before over stupid insecurity issues that i had but this time was different but she saw it as the same thing as last time which was ... like 16 months ago and i havent even been insecure since.. We met up on then 8th at her house everything was good but still a little shaky.. and then the next day i made a huge mistake... i checked her twitter stupidly and it looked as if someone was bothering her... and she was tweeting about something someone did to piss her off.. none of those things matched me so i asked her whats wrong.. and she flipped out and basically said she'd speak to me later or tomorrow... i should've waited... i kept bombarding her with texts and then this basically lead to a break and then... the break up.. i attempted to get together for lunch but she wasnt sure and we never actually did it mightve been too soon..

 

i assured her ive changed and have a new aspect on viewing things.. this all happened because i looked at her twitter on the 6th and saw something but approached her the wrong way at the wrong time and it even turned out to be nothing too... i havent spoken to her in exactly 7 days.. we are perfect for eachother in many ways and very happpy together. I havent looked at any of her social networks since this all happened and this to me is a sure sign that i did change. Basically i want to start talking to her again she really isnt the type to initiate first contact.. i pleaded and begged for her back but that of course didnt work so i just agreed with the breakup and accepted it , i took some advice from the perfect plan 2 and it was similar to what i did to get her back the first time.

 

I was non challant and basically ready and i feel i am now again but the thing is i have no idea how to approach her.. i want to text her to break the silence so the advice i need is: if i should wait a bit longer before i talk to her.. her reason for breaking up were that it was just the same thing everytime and she wants to be alone.. shes very stubborn and irrational when shes mad or stressed or pressured she also runs away from stressful confrontation... when we spoke on the phone when she got stressed she would hang up this breakup basically happened over text..she didnt want to meet me...So if i break the silence what should i text her? Have no idea on what to say to her and i dont know if its too soon. She isn't the type to ignore me and never really has but i also dont want rejection because she can be cold and distant i just want to basically build things back up.

 

So in short : what do i say to "break the ice" or should i wait and give her time to come to me? and if so then how long? She isn't the type to make first contact in these type of situations.. besides i am basically in the wrong

 

She told me like 2 weeks ago she doesn't feel the same because of the stress and i was being all emotional and needy but i know for a fact i can control it and not get effected by what she says but i do want to get back together. She's always talked about marriage, kids, the whole 9 yards.. we literally have the perfect relationship... i was just overwhelming her

 

My basic problem was i panicking and could'nt control my emotions.. doesn't happen too often but she's made me more emotional in a good way.. ever since the incident im happy to say im at a perfect balance between my old self and what she made me into.. she really made me a better individual and we do anything and everything for eachother.. she got me 700 dollar off contract iphone 5 for christmas..now thats true love

[MikNomis]

Wait and give it more time definitely. Reading your post you don't sound very ready though you're good at saying you are.

[derpyderpensen]

Wait and give it more time definitely. Reading your post you don't sound very ready though you're good at saying you are.

 

yeah youre right its weird.. sometimes i feel like i am but im not doing anything because sometimes i feel like its too soon for me. how much longer do you think i should give it. i wont do it till im ready but if im ready should i give it another week or what?

[lollarskates]

At least a month or two.

 

You don't know how to give a girl space, that's a big sign of insecurity and neediness.

[derpyderpensen]

At least a month or two.

 

 

You don't know how to give a girl space, that's a big sign of insecurity and neediness.

 

So 3 more weeks gotcha. But what if she contacts me first? My birthday is on february 13th so if she contacts me on my birthday i shouldnt take it as anything right? If she just wishes me a happy birthday i should'nt ask how she is unless she does first right?

[appies]

So 3 more weeks gotcha. But what if she contacts me first? My birthday is on february 13th so if she contacts me on my birthday i shouldnt take it as anything right? If she just wishes me a happy birthday i should'nt ask how she is unless she does first right?

 

Just chill buddy. If she wishes you a happy birthday, then say thank you, don't bombard her with questions. But don't expect that she will. You have an opportunity here, but you gotta check yourself and stop questioning things. She may very well still love you, but anything you do right now will push her away.

[abitbroken]

i assured her ive changed and have a new aspect on viewing things.

 

You cannnot have "changed" in three days. You feel bad, you realized what happened, but you have not changed.

 

If she broke up with you because you were emotional and needy, the worst thing you can do is contact her - she will take contact after 3 days of official break up as clingy. Just work on yourself, and hang in there.

[derpyderpensen]

i assured her ive changed and have a new aspect on viewing things.

 

You cannnot have "changed" in three days. You feel bad, you realized what happened, but you have not changed.

 

If she broke up with you because you were emotional and needy, the worst thing you can do is contact her - she will take contact after 3 days of official break up as clingy. Just work on yourself, and hang in there.

 

i didnt change in three days.. more like 3 weeks and its been no contact for a week but i see your point

[derpyderpensen]

Just chill buddy. If she wishes you a happy birthday, then say thank you, don't bombard her with questions. But don't expect that she will. You have an opportunity here, but you gotta check yourself and stop questioning things. She may very well still love you, but anything you do right now will push her away.

 

i wasn't going to question her i simply wanted to know if its okay to ask how she's doing after the birthday message or not a good idea? i guess ill just say something like "thank you its nice to hear from you again" and if she doesnt take it anywhere from there ill leave it at that

[Shane Falco]

i didnt change in three days.. more like 3 weeks and its been no contact for a week but i see your point

 

No one changes in three weeks. Three months maybe, but not three weeks. And by your posting, it sounds like you are as insecure now as you were before.

 

i wasn't going to question her i simply wanted to know if its okay to ask how she's doing after the birthday message or not a good idea? i guess ill just say something like "thank you its nice to hear from you again" and if she doesnt take it anywhere from there ill leave it at that

 

Either nothing or just a simple "Thank you". If you have to respond, be polite but short and to the point.

[lollarskates]

i didnt change in three days.. more like 3 weeks and its been no contact for a week but i see your point

No one changes in 3 weeks either. Consider it this way. She broke up with you 16 months ago because of your neediness and insecurity. You still have these same problems. You haven't changed in 16 months.

 

There is no such thing as a wake up call. You can't say that you suddenly know now that you have to change, because if you are "changing" for the purpose to get her back, then that means then you are still dependent on her, and you are still needy of her. That doesn't mean that you've "changed", in fact it, just reinforces that you haven't.

 

Take some time away to be single for a little while. Reflect back on what went wrong, and where your insecurities originate from and then actually tackle those problems. Give yourself a few months. Minimum. Do you know how to rid yourself of neediness? You move on. Once you actually accept it's over and stop expecting or hoping that she comes back, then your expectations of her are truly reset and you can go into a relationship with her (if the opportunity arises) with a clean slate. Until you can do that, any reconciliation that you have with her is pretty much doomed to fail.

 

Also, if she rebounds, you have to accept that she is free to do so. There is nothing that you can do to keep her from doing so. There is nothing you can do to make her come back to you. Do not be the guy that keeps trying to, because you will push her away and look foolish in doing so. Believe it or not, actions can be very transparent. This is an important lesson one has to learn in life. I have been the rebound guy, SEVERAL times... and I have seen just how the kind of behavior that you are advocating comes accross. Trust me, it's transparent, and it fools no one. You don't go from a guy who was super needy to a guy who is suddenly ok with being friends. It just doesn't happen. There is always an agenda. You are clearly not ok with it, and she will have her guard up because of it.

[derpyderpensen]

Thats some pretty good advice

[surfjon]

Derp,

Others are right......throw your energy into YOU! You are "pushing" her, and that is what she does not want....

Take this time to think about you and if this is where YOU want to be.

 

Funny.....my girl is in "unsure" mode right now, I've seen it coming up the road so started to distance myself.

I've withdrawn to a point of safety where I can either stay, or go with grace and dignity, but I'll not be seenas clingy, needy, desperate, etc...

 

No! I will be seen as upbeat, positive and living the dream!!

 

Be strong man!