Braveheart1 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Ok here goes nothing. I just wanted to post this to get some opinions on here. In full disclosure, I have a good job, have my own house and stuff together I started dating this girl last October and things were going really well (according to both of us). We became exclusive within a month ( i know its fast but we really had a lot in common). I think at the end her father ended up breaking us apart. For some reasons, she listens to her dad and obeys him (she is in her late 20's). I never understood how her dad and older sister could have this much impact on her life. But as everyone told me, at the end of the day, she decided to throw me away. Ok she is Jewish and I'm not and she always said how her dad wanted her to marry a nice jewish boy and have jewish babies. Her sister would literally call her and sometimes indults her on the phone and she wouldn't even do anything about it. I treated her with love and respect. I attended to her, took her to the doctor, gave her massages, took her out when she didn't feel well, always complimented her, did her dishes, hugged her all the time, kept her warm since she is always cold and Im always warm; I did everything to show her I loved her. She would come to my house and loved it since she lived in an appartment and considered my house like 'home'. She got to meet some of my friends, my daughter etc. Two weeks before meeting me, she was with another guy (for 3 months). The story is that they were having a great time and one day she looked at his phone and saw that he texted his ex how much he misses her. So she just left and told her 'call me when you get over your ex). At least that's what she told me. She seemed to have some anger when talking about it. The other thing I mentioned to her was that she never talked to her parents/sister in front of me. She would go in another room even if I was there doing nothing. Couple of times her sister would be driving with her and she would call me when they were stopped for coffee and the sister would be out. She would quickly tell me or she is coming back so let me call you later. I mean why couldn't she talk to me with her sister there? Then to save face she called her mom one day in front of me just to ask for a recipe; this way she could say 'see I called my mom in front of you' I always found this strange. But she would always like to walk hand in hand when we were somewhere and even would like to hold my right hand while I was driving. That's why a lot of what you will read next don't make sense at all. We even planned a vacation together. . I went to length to explain myself to her when she felt insecure; even gave her the password to my phone, I would read my emails in front of her. I didn't just tell her these things,my actions proved them too. I'm in the reserves and what I do, I cannot talk about at all. I'm sure some of you on here who are in the line of work would understand (most people understand and respect when I tell them I cannot talk about it). But on my end I sometimes told her some additional information like what we were doing without giving out too much to appease her insecurity. So I had to fly to the middle east before Christmas for 24 hours, so what we had to do and come back. I was then supposed to go to her parents (mom's) house. Her parents have been divorced for over 10 years (the dad is still very much disgruntled about the whole divorce). The next day she was at her dad's house and told him about where I was. He puts the TV on and said to her 'there are no bombings, he is lying' Mind you I never even said anything to her about anything of the sort. So there started her paranoia. The next day, I drove 4 hours to her mom's house and got there. The mom was nice and she heard about what the dad had been saying from the older daughter. My g/f then wasnt there. So the mom said to me that she lets them control her and she brings this upo herself. She was like 'there is a reason im not with this man because he is self centered, thinks he knows it all and likes to control people. Both her and my oldest need therapy' mind you this coming from the woman who was married to the dad. She felt bad for me that the dad was doing this to me. I have never met the dad or the older sister yet they were judging me pretty harshly. The next day, while at her dad's house, I guess the dad calls the base and asks about me (people's jaw dropped on this one when I told them). Of course by protocol, they would not acknowledge anything or any project. So that was it, she calls me and told me to meet her at a pub which I did. She starts telling me how they called the base and they would not acknowledge me or any projects. I was angry at that point. That's just over the line. That same night after explaining to her for about 4 hours and telling her that I cannot talk about it to please let this one go, she asks me to leave her mom's house. Mind you there is a snowstorm with about 5-6 unplowed snow out there. I'm in a region where I don't even know anything, my car is all over the road and I get hit my a plow. I text her to tell her and she texts me back 'call AAA' I mean seriously, how can she be that cold? Took me 6 hours in the snow to drive back home, I'm heartbroken, tired and still trying to make sense. A week later, she tells me that the only thing that would put her dad's mind at ease is for me to bring him on the base to talk to some of the people I work with. Also I hve a PHd, he would like to talk to my professor. I was like wait, the same guy who treated me like a criminal and disrespected me (i never even met him) wants me to prove thse to him? He must be out of his mind. I kept telling her, I'm having a relationship with you, you're a grown woman, what's with the dad meddling like this? I mean she is supposed to trust me and she went from 'loving' me to throwing me out like this. No one does this. She even told me that she wanted me to sign a release to have my transcript sent from the college directly to her. I mean that's some serious invasion of privacy for someone I have been seeing for 2.5 months. I think then she would show daddy. After a lot of tough talk from my friends, they told me to stop her and her family's madness that this was ridiculous that they put you through this much. I said to her I would have the college mail me the transcripts in a sealed envelope to my address that she can open herself but she refused. Mind you i have my transcripts at my house, but she said her dad said that these can be forged. I was going insane. People around me didn't know why I was doing all these things that I should tell them to go pound sand and run away as fast as I could. She obviously has issues and daddy will always run her life. So I ended it. Mentally, I was just done. She kept telling me how she is not sure that she can get past this whole 'secrecy' thing. Not sure why but everyone found this to be bogus on her behalf. What about me as the person who loved you and treated you like a princess? Took her to the hopsital when she was sick, and you think that would have at least earned me some points but no instead she goes to make dinner for her dad and sister (who told her how she failed them on the phone) 2 hours after they treated her like crap. I mean she needs to grow a backbone. Her dad I think saw an oppotunity to take me out and she caved into daddy. Like people tell me, it's all on her, she decided to treat me like this. Any other woman would have been appalled at their dad and probably we would have left together. I think it's a combination of her wanting to please her dad and wanting to leave. I even bought her a ring (regular ring, I made sure it wasn't a promise ring etc; just the way she liked it) She wouldn't even sho it to her mom (it was an expensive ring) she said 'oh eventually she will see it' I was hurt by this one. I still am friends with her on facebook, The other day she posted how she was freezing and can only think of someone (meaning me since Im always warm and she is always cold and I used to warm her) Same day she messages me through FB asking me how things were. I told her hopwfully she is keeping warm to which she replaied 'you're the only one who got my post' I told her that I knew what she meant when i saw her post. My friends were furious evne more by that. Why would she post thi? I have no clue. But I get out of this with my head high. I went above and beyond trying to hold on and even accepted that the way they treated me was ok. I needed to grow a set as my friends told me. If two individuals want to be together, they will find a way. When I told her we were breaking up, she took it as normal. So I was heartbroken for a while but decided to share my story. As sad as it was, I learn a lot from it. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Two weeks before meeting me, she was with another guy (for 3 months). You were her rebound. She was not ready to date. Besides this women has a lot of problems to deal with. You dodged bullet. You should block her from facebook and cut off all communication with her. You deserve somebody that wants to be with you. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Completely agree with the above post. You may not see it yet but you have dodged a bullet. You are a good giving person and will find someone that appreciates that. Link to comment
buddha55 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Totally dodged a bullet. You can't work to ether based in the simple fact that she is insecure and you have a confidential job.... And then there's the other 10 reasons Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Two weeks before meeting me, she was with another guy (for 3 months). You were her rebound. She was not ready to date. Besides this women has a lot of problems to deal with. You dodged bullet. You should block her from facebook and cut off all communication with her. You deserve somebody that wants to be with you. That's what everyone keeps telling me that I was the filler. But as to why she would just throw away someone who attended to all her insecurities is beyond everyone. I mean she even had the password to my phone and I told her she could look at it anytime she wanted. Her long time EX was a taker, so I did the opposite, I always gave and gave and alwasy asked her how she was feeling and if there is anything I could do. The guy she dated prior to meeting me cheated on her so I said to her 'here's my password' so as to reassure her. I still think there is more to it than just her trying to make her dad happy. I mean they treat her like she can't make a decision for herself. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Completely agree with the above post. You may not see it yet but you have dodged a bullet. You are a good giving person and will find someone that appreciates that. This one was a tough one. YOu know you analyze and analyze to see if there is something I did wrong, I I have very good objective friends and I did everything right. The thing I should not have done is cater that much to her and stand up for myself when the whole thing happened. No one tells someone they claim they 'love' out in a snow storm like this. They made me feel little and I did not even do anything. But these days, I'm realizing that it's true, I did dodge a bullet. Imagine if I did continue and the dad meddling like this and her not sticking up for me? It would have been hell. I said to her . Your dad is alone, your oldest sister is alone, and now you're alone, take a freaking hint. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Totally dodged a bullet. You can't work to ether based in the simple fact that she is insecure and you have a confidential job.... And then there's the other 10 reasons I kept telling her to let this one go since it cannot be discussed. Even asked her what's her 'need to know'. And by the way she asked me to log on to my bank account and show her my deposits that I get from the Govt. Like a fool, I did it and even this wasn't good enough. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Still contacted me the other day pfff. I mean you tear me to pieces and then talk to me like you didn't do anything? Link to comment
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