Where is everyone???

[ReadyorNot]

Why arent more people online and posting tonight????

 

My bf and I have been goin through some problems this past week but last night we met up and had a great night and basically made up.... He said all this nice stuff and Im sure things are going to be great.... When I left he walked me to the door and said "Bye my love, have a safe drive home, I will talk to you tomorrow". I told him I would be home at 5:30pm

 

My mom said my phone rang at 5:25pm. I pressed *69 and it was his work. I thought that was a little late for him to still be at work....

 

Its 10pm and he STILL hasnt called back.. Im freaking out.. whats going on? What is he doing??? HE could have volunteered to help out at work for something but he would have left a message saying that...

 

What if making up was all in my imagination??? What if he is out on a date or something??

 

AHHHH!!!!!!!!! Where is everyone tonight? There isnt really any new posts for me to read and respond too...

[crookster_man]

wow calm your self down! Regardless of what he is doing right now, is it helping you by freaking out? Whatever is happening is beyond your control so instead of getting all up in a knot, why not just do something fun tonight (it's friday) Do't worry about it.

 

And when you see him he can explain himself. How would you feel if you got all upset at him for nothing? Smile girl, life's to short to sweat the small things. Your BF not showing up for a few hours is a small thing, something you will forget in a week. So Chill!

[pineapplegirl]

Take a deep breath Funk...

>Not too many people on tonight I agree...but, maybe I can help u.

 

>Don't go jumping to conclusions about where the b/f is. IS it marginally possible that he is out on a date, yes. But, that is probably not what you want to be focusing on right now...

 

>He may still be at work, he may have gone out with some friends, he may be with his family, there are a million reasons why he hasn't called.

 

>Why do you think he'd be out w/someone else?

[Iceman26]

He is probably busy, maybe he got home from work and fell asleep, or went and did something.......don't assume the worst, wait until you talk to him.

 

Hey if you are bored, check out my post........

[ReadyorNot]

The only way he is still at work is if they had some inventory to do.. he would accept the extra money and he most likely wouldnt have time to call again....

 

He could be out with friends yes.. thats fine but why did he try calling at 5:25pm and then not again???

 

There is no way he is out with family...

 

The only reason I feel he could be out on a date is because for some reason I am always expecting to be cheated on... I just have low self esteem.... its just something in my head... no matter who my bf is I always expect to be downtown and see my man out with a chick... its my biggest fear I guess....

 

Only once has he ever gone out with a chick behind my back.. it was 3 years ago and he hung out with her for maybe a month... Realistically I dont think he woudl cheat.... after seeing how angry he got at my friend two weeks ago when it came out that she was cheating on her bf... Im just scared... what else could it be?? We made up yesterday.. he said he wanted to be with me but he wasnt sure he should... I just would have have thought he have called me back tonight forsure no matter what he was doing...

 

Also.. what if he got in an accident on his way home.. or what if he was coming to see me without calling and got hurt and is in the hospital now???

[ReadyorNot]

Its VERY possible that he got home and feel asleep.. that has happened many times.. Like he will call and say he will be over right after his shower and then like 2 hours or three hours later he comes over and said he feel asleep... He was falling asleep last night at 9pm so I said I would leave so he could go to bed early..

 

I didnt want to call him since I am embarrassed to speak to his roommate after our week of fighting but since I think he is at work, I called once at 7:30pm.. no answer and I didnt leave a message

 

Ive always been paranoid... thats one thing he hates...

What if he is still mad at me and refusing to talk to me again too?

[Stinkweed]

Also.. what if he got in an accident on his way home.. or what if he was coming to see me without calling and got hurt and is in the hospital now???

 

Look, you don't have to be that pessimistic. I know we all have our paranoid moments, but you gotta relax. If you get into this state of mind too often, it might be harmful to your health. Nothing bad happened. Just relax and maybe try to find something else to to do so you can keep your mind busy. In the end, nothing will have happened, and you got into this state of mind unnecessarily... Just chill. Best wishes. I hope everything turns out great.

[Iceman26]

There are too many "what ifs" What if he calls you in 5 minutes? I'd say if he doesn't call you by tomorrow then give him a call and see what he is up to. Worrying about what he is doing isn't going to do you much good.

[pineapplegirl]

Okay, don't get ahead of yourself Funk...

 

>Now knock on wood for even THINKING that he's hurt.

 

>As you said, he's probably doing inventory or whatever to make a little extra $$$.

 

>Now, knock on wood again for thinking that he's cheating on you.

 

> I know it must be hard if you guys just got back to good yesterday. But, banging your head against a wall to figure out where he is isn't going to help you right now. You're probably feeling really vulnerable and scared, I imagine something like this is going on in your head, "He wasn't 100% sure if we should be together so now he's on a date with some girl, and that's why he isn't answering/calling back, and that's whay he wasn't sure if we should get back together, and I don't want to lose him again..."

 

>Stop me if I'm wrong about what you're thinking, and I'll stop replying on your post.

[ReadyorNot]

You arent wrong..

 

I was going to say something else but now I forget... I did knock on wood twice.. the kitty came to see what I was doing...

 

My mom is even getting freaked.. she came downstairs to ask me what I thought he was doing that he didnt call back... Its not like I am a total freakshow (my mom said I was a nutcase yesterday and my bf agreed) but I just think its respectful to call me and say "Talk to you tomorrow, Im going out tonight".. you know??

[ReadyorNot]

Iceman.. I had already read your post yesterday I just didnt know what to say.... I just read the few replies that were new and someone told you that if your gf could just leave things up in the air for a week etc etc then you shouldnt be with her anymore...

 

My bf and I got into a fight last Friday.. I went to see him Saturday and he told me to leave and that he didnt want to be with me anymore.. I didnt call him.. I went to see him Wed at work, and we hung out last night... I asked if he was ever going to call me (I am ALWAYS the one who initiates conversation after not speaking due to a fight)... he said He didnt know.. but probably... WHAT??????????? Other then that, he said everything right...

[pineapplegirl]

>Yes, I agree with the respect thing 100%, but you know and I know that you are trying to rationalize in your head why you're being paranoid right now. (Don't take offense to that, I just know I've used the same rationale when I freak out about stuff like this)

 

>It is really easy for me, and everyone else, to say "relax" etc., because for you right now this is the most important thing in the world. So, in light of that, I would say try calling him again in a while (DO NOT BE A CREEPY STALKER GIRLFRIEND AND CALL EVERY 2 MINUTES). If you don't hear from him tonight, I'm sure you probably won't sleep well. But, if this plays out how it usually does for me, you'll end up talking to him tomorrow and it'll be all good, and you'll think about how much you stressed over this and you'll think to yourself, "Okay, I was just being paranoid."

 

>Please keep posting if you need to occupy your time to avoid being the creepy stalker girlfriend. I'll respond okay???

[ReadyorNot]

I really really dont want to be a creepy stalker gf and I rarely call him there.... Ive always been scared to phone people.. but my bfs roommate had a gf and she moved out because they werent getting along and my bf moved in.. well this chick called I SWEAR every 2 minutes... my bf would get so angry... the phone was always ringing off the hook.. I guess they broke up for real 2 or 3 weeks ago...

 

I did call alot friday night after he left... well maybe 5 times in 2 hours.. and I dont want to look like a psycho again... I cant call back in a little bit... Im scared... Im scared his roommate is home... so I cant call... I will not sleep at all tonight... Other then that time after we were together one year he has NEVER done anything to seriously hurt me (ie going out with other girls).. I dont exactly know why i am freaking out... I guess just cause he left things unsettled...

 

I dont get why he evenbothered to call at all at 5:25pm if he wasnt going to call back later, or leave a message...

 

Im a freak so I am sure no one wants to chat with me, but if you do I am on MSN email removed

[pineapplegirl]

You're not a freak, you're just freaking out...

[ReadyorNot]

No phone call... its just about midnight... Im gonna be sick!!!!!

So many things are racing through my mind...

 

Man and we had just gotten things good again...If this is a new rule.. then I cant deal with it...

 

Goodnight all.. Im gonna try and get some sleep.. unlikely that I will....

Talk to you tomorrow!

[ReadyorNot]

Ok well everyone... hear this...

 

He called me this morning at 9:30am... he wanted me to shower and come right over cause there was all this stuff he wanted to do today.. When I asked what happened last night he said he called and thought I was at work so he just hung around home.. he apologized for missing my call (i siad I called at 7:30pm).. he said he must have been in teh shower and that I should have called back...

 

Ok great.. so we went anddid the few things that he wanted to do.. he was being SUPER sweet and super nice! We just have made up over a fight last friday/saturday. I saw him THursday night and it was great... today was great! He was complimenting me, and being so nice. He said everything is good between us and he wants to continue being with me and marrying me in the future as long as I dont go back to being a "snot". I dont know if any of you read my posts about this fight we had but its in the breaking up forum called "I am hurting so bad"

 

We needed to go to change his address on his drivers licence. and he said "OH CRAP!! I DONT KNOW MY NEW ADDRESS!!!!" I said dont worry I know it.. he said "wow you are great!!!, what would I do without you"... So while we were waiting in the line I said "Last saturday when you were angry with me you said you didnt need me for anything".. without hesitation he said "I lied, I do need you"

 

After we did this stuff he said "hey baby, what do you want ot eat?? Anything you want we can have".. so I said lets jsut go to Timmies and see what soup they have... As we pulled in he rubbed my thigh and said "Ive have a great day baby, I had so much fun, thank you so much". After gettingsomething to eat we were gonna drive to the town 30min away.. just like we were going to last weekend but then he flipped all of a sudden.. .I asked him why he flipped and he said I must have been harassing him about something (the movie I admit it.. I just wanted to go and not wait around)

 

Timmies didnt have any good soups so I said lets just get a bagel and we will have a good supper... he said "oh.. well I am going out tonight"

 

I was like "What??? I thought we were gonna see each other since we havent all week".. he just said he was sorry, he had plans.. and I said that I didnt want to eat anymore... he got angry and said he was going home.. so I said I was sorry, lets just go to the town.. he said fine... on the way to my house to pick something up I said that I was sorrythat I was upset I just thought he would have wanted to see me.. so that got him mad again...and he swore and pulled up a road that headed back to his place.. I cried and said I was sorry and he said that I am not getting any more chances.. I have had them... he turned the volume up and when I tried to turn it back down he would punch my hand out of the way... I was crying and he was screaming that I dont change. I said PLEASE dont do this to me again, I cant go through this again for another week... he said it was going to be the rest of my life....

 

He pulled into his house grabbed something inthe back seat and jumped out... ran inside and locked the door.. I knocked on the door for about 5 minutes and then I finally left... he wont answer the phone...

 

Like holy cow... I am so upset and so stunned....I just dont know what to do... Last week I waited a few days and then went to talk to him at work.. he was happy to see me and I asked if we could work through this and he said he thought we could... everything was GREAT AGAIN!!!

 

Im sure after one week, and seeing each other a few times he wont want to work things out again...

[Francis]

The fact that he is going out tonight is a bad sign. He may not like you as much as before.

 

He may find you too clingy, too desperate to be with him, too loving. Men don't appreciate if you love them 100%. You are just too available. You should try to forget him (I know it's difficult) and concentrate on your own life, a new life without him. Do things on your own, get new friends. If he still calls you, if you still go out sometimes, enjoy the time you spend with him, but don't count on him or anybody to make you happy. You have to build your own life and your own happiness.

 

This guy seems to like you a lot indeed, and you might be destroying the relationship by being too possessive.

 

Give him some space. Let him meet girls who take HIM for granted, who do not appreciate his affection. He may appreciate you some day. But , right now, you should not flip out and you should control your behaviour. You have to become independent as of now. He may feel more attracted to you if you are independent.

 

Even if he never wants you back, you must be capable to live for yourself. You're too much in love, but, believe it or not, it will pass. You WILL forget about him. Some day, you WON'T need him anymore, you WON'T need to touch him, to kiss him anymore. Some day, he will walk by you, and you WON'T feel like hugging him and kidnapping him. Don't worry, it will pass. Those feelings won't be there forever.

[Amethyst]

I know you really want him back; but, the fact is, you need to move on. It sounds as though *he* has moved on already (since he had those "plans"), and your relationship is not going anywhere. Even if he were to say he'd take you back again, this cycle of breaking up and making up needs to be broken; it's doing nothing more than keeping you in limbo.

 

Take a look in the mirror. See that tear-stained face and puffy eyes? Looking like that every now and then is fine; but, it sounds as though you've been doing it a lot lately. That's not healthy, and any relationship that causes that reaction isn't healthy.

 

You might also try seeing a counselor, as it sounds like you might be codependent. (That's why you're so "clingy" and seem "desperately needy" so much of the time.) Codependency can turn even the best relationships into horrendous nightmares.

[ReadyorNot]

Maybe I do need to move on... I dont want to... It makes me SOOO angry that we were having such a fantastic day... he was so nice to... he was focusing all his attention on me... well and the two cars we test drove.. I said that I wished I made him as happy as cars do.. and he said that cars make him giddy and I make him happy... I said but not as happy as the cars do.. and he said more....

 

Im still stuck.. I mean I have been with him for 4.5 years.. I dont want to move on without him....

 

The fact that he is going out tonight is not anything bad.... He didnt have ANY friends once he finished highschool (two weeks after we met).. so then two years ago we decided to spend one night a week out with our friends.. he only had his bro and his bro liked to drink.. .so often my bf went too... well.. maybe 5 times.. and then that stopped and in the last 6 months I would say him and his buddy(roommate) have gone to the bars 3 times and once I was invited but stupidly didnt go. The three times they went, the buddy had a gf as well...

 

I am just sick to my stomach.... I was SOOOOO happy when I woke up this morning and he made me feel on top of the world for the 4 hours we were together

[Amethyst]

I stand by my advice. The cyclic nature of your relationship is only going to hurt you worse.

 

Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will hurt for a while. But, you can do it. Just don't sit around pining for him; find some (more) hobbies, go out with friends, etc..

 

Believe it or not, he does not give your life meaning...*you* do that.

[ReadyorNot]

So you dont think there is a chance for us to make up this time???

He always has said mean things and when he isnt upset anymore he says not to believe what he said....

 

4.5 years down the drain..... I know he loves me.. he told me last week that wasnt teh problem...

 

How can a guy just get rid of a girl he loves so much.. Thursday and today he was going on how perfect I am to him...

[Amethyst]

So you dont think there is a chance for us to make up this time???

 

I NEVER said that. *Here* is what I said:

 

Even if he were to say he'd take you back again, this cycle of breaking up and making up needs to be broken; it's doing nothing more than keeping you in limbo.

 

What I *do* believe is that the two of you will not have a healthy, loving, lasting relationship -- EVER. When couples break-up, there is a reason. Sometimes, they can move past that reason and get back together; but, when they continue that cycle, it's time to wake up and realize they don't have what it takes to make it.

 

Do you not see a pattern here? You break up. You make up. You break up. You make up. You break up. Ad infinitum. It's time to put your foot down and realize you deserve better than an on again / off again relationship. If he TRULY loved you, he wouldn't keep breaking up with you.

 

Yes, it's time to move on.

[ReadyorNot]

Im going to be sick.. I dont want to be without him..

 

Things werent on again off again... there is something weird going on and Im so confused.... He does truly love me...

 

I dont know whether I should call him right now, or wait a few days then go see him.... it worked last time

[Amethyst]

Things werent on again off again...

 

I hate to break it to you, but he's broken up with you twice in the last *week* -- that IS on again / off again.

 

He does truly love me...

 

Again, a guy that continually hurts you and keeps you in limbo does not love you. That is a very delusional and perverted version of "love".

 

I dont know whether I should call him right now, or wait a few days then go see him.... it worked last time

 

I can see that you've made up your mind and I'm not going to change it. That's fine -- it's your decision. I leave you with this warning, however; continuing this pattern will do nothing but add to your pain. If you want the pain to stop, you must determine to move on without him.

 

I really would see a counselor if I were you. I'm not saying that to be mean; it's spoken out of concern -- I've seen your other posts which state you'd rather die than live without him. You should not depend on ANYONE so much that you feel you can't survive without them. As I said before, he is NOT your life. You are your own person, and you CAN live without him.

[ReadyorNot]

I would liek to see someone... I spoke to my doctor about 2 years ago and said that I have a problem with all of a sudden just freaking out and screaming at people and getting so upset.. etc etc... and he laughed at me...

 

My bf thought that I had bi polar disease....

 

Anyway.. all I meant was that before this past week and a half he never did on again off again types of things... yes I agree he has a problem now...

 

Anyway.. i spoke to a guy he works with (also my friend) and I mentioned sending him some flowers... the guy said maybe not to do that (embarrassing at work) but to send him a pizza.... so I said "at work???" he said whatever... SO I thought .... well I will do it now... I called him up and said "DONT EAT ANYTHING.. Im not coming over.. just dont eat or make anything"

 

I went and got a card and wrote that I was sorry in it.. and I ordered him a pizza and had it delivered with the card.... I wanted to see if he was actually home so I quickly drove past his house... there was another car beside his.. and his roommates car was gone.. I started to shake but came home...

 

Whn I got here, there was a message from him on his roommates MSN saying "Thanks for the pizza but why did you send it???"

 

I spoke to him for a few minutes.. he said he loved me but he didnt want ot be going through this crap for the restof his life.. he said I couldnt even stop being a "snot" for an entire day... thats why he got so mad.. I asked if we could work it out and he said he didnt know... then he said he needed time to think it over.... then he said he had to go but thanks again for the pizza.. and he said He will give me the benefit and think it over... I asked when I would hear frm him but he just said bye...

 

During this conversation I asked if I could call him... he said no cause his roommate was on the phone.... I asked if the roommate had a rental car (his car is in the shop and he did have a rental car but then they wouldnt pay for it anymore.. but he did tell us last week he won the battle with the company and they are paying for another rental car.. I just hadnt realized he got another one).. He then asked why I wondered about the car.... but I didnt answer him...

 

I dont know if this is good.. but I suppose he woudl have told me it was over if thats what he really wanted... If we stop being dinks it will all be great.. but I dont know... maybe it would be best to end it...