It's been almost 3 months... What am I missing?

[Staples 29]

You know how they say you miss being in a relationship or having someone when you're out of it? I miss this person himself and being in love with this particular person

 

(Background which you may skip if you want to) We started seeing each other casually at the end of December and he broke up with me in June (fear of commitment and I was holding back and wasn't committed). By then we'd both fallen in love or so it appeared. He just couldn't deal with another heartbreak which it looked like it was heading for because I wasn't sure even after 6 months (I'm slow at commitment and was especially so in this case because we started casually and were never really exclusive - I dated only him though). It hurt so bad. I missed him. I definitely didn't let go. Would check his FB and Twitter profile which was horrible for me as I could see he was actively dating and having the time of his life and clearly didn't miss me. Or so I thought till he resurfaced saying he never fell out of love with me even after dating other women.

 

We got back together and this time I was open about how I felt for him. I'd never been in love like that. He was clearly over the moon to have me back. Then it got messy. There was this 'friend' whom he kept having inappropriate banter with on social networking. No knowing their relationship I told him I was uneasy about it and he reassured me - I felt silly for bringing it up afterwards. Cue a stressful week and more inappropriate banter and I sort of laid into him.

 

Turned into a huge fight and basically I approached it in a way I wasn't proud of. I tried to apologise and calm his nerves so we could at least talk it out. He wasn't having it. I left it over the weekend and sent him an email shortly after explaining how I felt. I know people say you shouldn't but the first time we broke I felt like I was held back by the things I didn't say to him. So now I don't feel like I have anything to say to him even if i saw him; I already said it. He reportedly got very angry over my email but didn't reply. It was fine. I let him go immediately I sent it. I also found out my instincts about the other woman wasn't exactly wrong even though I still don't know what happened between them.

 

(The problem) This break up is different from the first one. I didn't have the sleeplessness and lack of zeal; and I clearly want to move on and for the most part I have. I don't miss the bad bits and I only think of him from time to time. BUT I miss him in particular as a person in my life. I have made peace with the fact that he probably didn't love me (and I am not easy to fool) and doesn't miss me. I usually day dream at night before I go to bed and he sometimes crosses my mind and I can't get him out- not in a longing way or perhaps it is. I don't understand it. Sometimes I think it is because I don't have anyone else to daydream about but I used to daydream about a crush I had when the break up was fresh. I don't miss not having him but I miss HIM. So very confusing. I've just never felt so comfortable and happy in another person's presence. Love eh?

 

It still hurts every now and then to think he may have purposefully deceived me- I never did anything to him and I never wanted it to be more. He pushed for EVERYTHING. I don't know what it is I want from him because to the best of my knowledge I don't want anything. Anyone ever felt like this? How did you work around it?

[Gimpyrks]

Oh girl you are not alone! I had a similar situation like this a couple years ago and this person still crosses my mind, and I still smile when I think of him and still kick myself in the butt for ruining it (he did his part though). My Mom always says when you truly loved someone they always keep a special place in your heart. I wouldn't fight it, as long as you aren't having depressing behaviors I think it's completely normal.

 

The guy I was seeing had 2 classes with me in my first year of college, and it took until summer for us to start hanging out so I was already super comfortable around him. He basically became my best friend, but there was a "ex" girlfriend in the picture whom he lived with still and she would get on his facebook and e mail me pretneding to be him once in a while and it was getting to be much. Then he went on a vacation and never showed up for my going away party (I was transferring to another school some states away) and I got upset about it and a week later saw him post a picture on facebook with a girl (whom I assumed it was the "ex" gf) and I called him out on it...well it was his sister and I was dumped. I let it go because I was 2000 miles away and there wasn't much I could do about it.

 

Even though we left on a super bad note, all I remember is the awesome times we had together. Fishing, fourwheeling, camping, etc.

 

Wow sorry didn't mean to hijack your post but was trying to show you how I know what you are going through

 

Again, I wouldn't fight it, embrace the good times as long as it doesn't prevent you from making good times with someone else.

[Staples 29]

Aww Gimpyrks

 

That is such a beautiful song. Describes exactly how I feel... and reminds me how I should not think of 'What might have been?'. It's so hard to not look back on the good times even though I clearly remember the bad times. In some ways it's actually better to feel hurt and then nothing (at least you stop thinking about it) than to be bitter-sweet about it

 

I hope I love someone like that again soon. I hope that for both of us if you haven't found it yet.

[JohnGalt]

Its been a little over three months for me. This past weekend has been the hardest in months. I broke down a bit, reached out to my ex and ill advised asked her out for Valentines Day. HAHAHA, how stupid am I.

 

She told me that she didn't wnat to do anything on valentines day, but she wasn't sure. Seeing an opening like an idiot, I professed my love for her. She told me she really appreciated the heartfelt message and she would htink about going out with me on v-day and let me know if she changes her mind.

 

In other words..."You're pathetic, John."

 

back to NC.

[Gimpyrks]

Sorry to hear that John! Sometimes we are our worst enemies!