Mr. Cactus Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Hi all, I wasn't sure if I should post this in the friendship, cyber relationship or LDR forum, because it has elements of all 3. Still, this is as good a place as any. Secondly, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I am discussing a Long Distance Friendship here - not a "relationship" per se (she is way too young, has a "life ahead of her", needs to spread her wings and lives 12,000 kilometres away). This friendship had it's beginnings more than 12 months ago. This young lady first made contact with me via a forum which we both frequented. It turned out that we both seemed to have an identical interest in a specific technical subject. I guess that was the genesis for some sort of friendship happening at some stage down the track. However, with absolutely zero interest on my part of forming a friendship, I was quite happy to simply exchange occasional emails with this young lady, and quite enjoyed doing so - because she was exceptionally intelligent and unbelievably mature for her age (she is 18, I am 37). Just as an aside, I never asked her age since I didn't consider it to have any relevance. I only found out about her age about 2 months ago when she told me (unsolicited). I had told her how old I was long beforehand. For about 9 months the emails were only occasional. Of course, I didn't think anything at all of this - in the same way I'm sure many of us have a full inbox of email from acquintances, etc. Anyway, things seemed to take a decidedly different turn about 3 months ago. She mentioned the concept of us being friends at about that time. I had never even remotely considered the prospect, but I was also starting to realise that we had so much in common that it was rather freakish. In fact I don't think in all my years I have ever had so much in common with anyone. It was then that the volume of communication began to increase. Even when we "decided" we were friends, I was still quite happy just to send her an email once per week and I thought that would be enough for her. I was thus surprised when I received messages the very next day asking how I was. I then began to get "daily updates" from her. Nowadays, the volume of emails is even higher. I am now getting regular morning, noon and night mails! That sort of paints most of the picture, but I'll add a few more things. Firstly, this young lady is a truly wonderful friend - the best I have ever had by a long shot. I want to do everything to keep the friendship going. She has made a huge difference to my life. OK, so here are the issues I am trying to get clear in my mind. I have never had a friendship like this before. The age gap thing, the different sex thing and the huge distance - which sort of makes the friendship reliant on technology - these three things put together are all brand new to me. A significant thing that concerns me is the unrelenting frequency of communication. I am confused as to whether this is spured on by this young lady's boundless energy, or by the fact that she is female (my research in these forums suggests females sustain this sort of frequency of communication far better than males), or whether it has to do with the distance aspect. Or perhaps a combination of all three? As a bloke, my friendships hitherto have been completely different to this. I might not talk to a male friend for months on end, and then we will pick up the phone and take up where we last left off. I mean, I do have to make it clear I am currently quite happy reciprocating to her messages, but it does concern me that her energy levels are far higher than mine. She is also at a stage of her life where lots of exciting things happen every day, whereas at my age things tend to have settled down a lot more. I'm just wondering what is ahead for us? She runs rings around me in almost every aspect. She always has something exciting to tell me (even with the 6 hourly updates LOL). I read in this very forum that long distance relations of any type usually reach a "settling down" stage, but this does not seem to be happening here. If anything, it is going in the other direction! For my own part, this frienship is way too valuable for me to want to damage it in any way. But I'm worried that sooner or later she might find me too boring and that I am simply going to start running out of things to say that captivate her interest sufficiently. So I was wondering if any younger female members here could help offer me some insight as to what I should be doing to make sure this LDF doesn't burn out? The pace seems to be inordinately frantic, but on the other hand, I have never had a serious long distance relationship of any kind before, so I have nothing to go on. Perhaps this level of communication is a requirement to keep the friendship going? If so, that is fine, but I have to wonder how long it will be before she starts to find my ramblings a little repetitive, boring or stale. I just feel that trying to analyse this from a male point of view is futile, because I have always approached such friendships from a completely different perspective from this one, and that is also the case for every other male friend I have known. In closing, I would just like to add that I think email has been a perfect vehicle of communcation for us - because we can always answer each other's questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. The fact that we have time to consider what we say to each other seems to be quite critical to this LDF, especially as much of our conversation requres an awful lot of thought (she runs rings around me intellectually and I have to work hard to keep up - again the difference in our energy levels would come into play here). I suppose in the end, I am trying to understand how younger ladies might approach their close friendships with males where long distances are involved. Quote Link to comment
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