EssexMan Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 If both of you are virgin, I don’t see the need to use a condom. Er...I didn't want to be the one to break it to you about the stork, but... Link to comment
tatis Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Er...I didn't want to be the one to break it to you about the stork, but... Hehe ...I meant, the first goal is to get it into. I don’t think you will ejaculate immediately. Then you will be calmed. The condom would be for the last part if you want. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Hehe ...I meant, the first goal is to get it into. I don’t think you will ejaculate immediately. Then you will be calmed. The condom would be for the last part if you want. How do you know that? Your advice for him to enter her with no birth control whatsoever, especially given that he's a virgin with no proven track record, and virgins have been known to ejaculate prematurely, is rather reckless and irresponsible. I could just picture this poor guy taking your advice and dumping a boatload of cum into her VJ and the two of them wondering what they're going to do next. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I agree the only time I've ever had this happen to me was when the guy was only semi-hard. Does that seem to be an issue here? If not I think she should go see a doctor she may have an issue with her muscles seizing up or some other medical issue. And if that's not the issue at the very least she can get those pills you talked about so you can ditch the condoms at least long enough to get the penetration part figured out. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah maybe some spermicidal cream, lots of lube, and for safety time it when she's at the opposite end of her ovulation cycle. Bet it slips in there like butter Best freaking feeling in the world especially the first time. Link to comment
Mike414 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I agree with Realitynut. This sounds like a performance anxiety issue. If you are having trouble maintaining your erection it is very difficult to get a semi-soft penis inside of a girl, especially a "tight" girl. Are you ever fully erect when you try to put it in her or do you always lose it when you put the condom on? It sounds like you have tried everything else so I can't imagine what else the problem could be. Don't feel that anything is wrong with you because men of all ages can have problems staying hard. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself because you have had such difficulty with this in the past. Do you worry every time that you won't be able to get it in? That does you no favors. Also if you masturbate frequently, put a halt to it. You need to build up that anticipation of sex in order to help you out. Figure out what will relax you and try to not worry so much and you will find that it comes about naturally. The best sex I ever have had is when it sort of just slips in without any interruption. With condoms that isn't going to happen but my point is that you should just enjoy yourself and not worry so much. It will fit in there, I promise. Link to comment
tmtex Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Although I am 45 , I ran into this last night. BUT it was in my truck and I was scared/nervous cops would pull up. Anyway I was hard but not that hard mainly because I was to nervous that a knock on the window was going to happen Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Depending on the type of spermicide you don't always need lube. If its the film, use lube, if its the jelly like spermicide, don't. The film always left me feeling dry and the jelly left me feeling way to leaky and wet. I still high recommend the jelly over the film, they type that comes in disposable packs. If your in the states I would encourage her to sign up fr family planning Medicaid, most ladies are eligible and it'll make her appointments and birth control free. In a month or two (it takes time for the Medicaid to get approved) you'll be ready to go without the condoms or spermicide. Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I hope they will work, but I have doubts that it is ever going to work. Last night we tried again, (we both work shifts, so we don't get many opportunites to try). Yet again though it didn't work, we started out kissing and I had an errection through that, however when I started touching her genitals and performing oral I started to lose my errection. I told her this and she replied that she wasn't ready to try yet and rhat I should continue until she was ready, then she would get me ready. So I continued and when it was finished she started touching my penis, but it wouldn't go into errection at all. After a few minutes of this she stopped said what we had done had made her tired and that she wanted to sleep. I was disappointed, but since I had no errection i saw no point.in continuing to try. This morning I woke up with an errection and she noticed this too, howevervwhen I tried to start something She rebuffed me saying that she was hungry and didn't like to do stuff in the morning as she wasbonly in the mood in the evenings and also that she didn't like stuff first thing in the morning because I hadn't washed yet. I love her very much and I really want this to work. I am just getting more and more stressed about it. Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 So basically it is all my fault. I am not a proper man as I can't get an errection when I need to. I'm 26 and U can't even get an errection or have sex with my girlfriend, how pathetic. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 So basically it is all my fault. I am not a proper man as I can't get an errection when I need to. I'm 26 and U can't even get an errection or have sex with my girlfriend, how pathetic. You can get an erection you just can't keep it up. It's like a vicious cycle, once you get the idea in your head that you have a problem, it's all you think about and it makes the problem even worse. You gotta just take the attitude of "it just doesn't matter" and whatever happens, happens. Otherwise it will consume you. Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 That's easy for you to say. But when you've been having these problems for 8 months you try and relax about it. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I went through a period where I was doing a lot of dating, meeting lots of different women and started experiencing performance anxiety. Finally I just took the attitude that I suggested you take, and eventually it just stopped bothering me and being a problem. Try to take care of her in other ways since you can't screw her, and as she gets into what you're doing and gets all worked up, hopefully you'll start getting into it and then it will start to click. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I am not a proper man Yes, you are, this happens to "proper men" all the time! as I can't get an errection when I need to. You can get one. There's nothing wrong with you physically at all. It's like Meczam says - it's the worrying about it that makes it disappear, and the only way through that is to discuss it with your gf and agree that you will both just not care. Even laugh about it when it disappears, if you like. Sex can be kinda comical in a lot of ways. Just put it out of your mind, and it will be back just fine. This happens to me sometimes too, and I am convinced that what Meczam and I just wrote is more effective than more complicated strategies. You just need to make sure your gf is on the same page. She may well understand the issue perfectly well already (through talking to girl friends, reading women's magazines, etc.). Having said all that - although I 99.9% guarantee you that there is nothing physically wrong - if it would make you more comfortable to get checked out by a doctor, by all means do it. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 You just need to make sure your gf is on the same page. She may well understand the issue perfectly well already (through talking to girl friends, reading women's magazines, etc.). Right. This is important. If she doesn't understand, or blames herself by saying "you must not be attracted to me" or even worse, gets insulting or mocking you for what she sees as some sort of deficiency, then it's not going to get better and it may make things worse. You need an understanding woman who won't make a big deal of it and let you go at your own pace. Help yourself by explaining to her that you're having some performance issues and you just gotta work through it and thank her for understanding then give her some oral as a reward and a way to show her it's not all about intercourse. Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Its all me who makes this an issue. She doesnt mind and if I ever try and blame myself she always says rhat it isn't my fault and that it's no ones fault. She says I just have to relax and that we will make more time, but we never do. This all started from the first time we tried, she said that in the past with her ex she had tried with him and that it hadn't worked then as he couldn't get in. She had said that she was telling me this so that I didn't get stressed if it didn't go in when we tried. Then throughout the whole of the first time we tried all I could think was that it wasnt going to work. Then I of course lost my errection. On about 70% ocassions I lose my errection after putting condom on or just before. On the other 30% We cant get it in and I then either lose it as I get upset that it wont go in or my girlfriend complains it hurts when we try to put it in and then i lose it again. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Do you think it could help if you agreed to go a while without even trying? Just have a good time doing other things in bed? Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 It might. Whilst we were away over Xmas, visiting her family who live on the continent, we knew we couldn try and do it there. But we still did other stuff there and I had no problem keeping and maintainibg an Errection. Howevervas soon as we got back to the Uk (where we could try) My errection problems returned Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Maybe that's an idea then. I wouldn't set a definite time limit on it, just ignore intercourse for a while. You can still have amazingly good sex without putting it in her...and it'll be even better if you're not worrying about that. BTW I'd still keep a condom handy just in case you suddenly feel ready. Link to comment
Will757 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I think thats a good idea. It might help to take the emphasis away from Vaginal Intercourse Link to comment
Will757 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Basically this is still a problem. I now have no problems with errections, that has all got better. However we still can't get it in. We have been trying for a year now and nothing. My girlfriend says that the head of the penis has gone in as she can feel it, however I don't think it has as I can feel nothing. I want to go and speak to the Doctor about this but she refuses as she says that it would be embarassing. Basically what on earth do we do now? Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 It's unlikely a doctor will find anything wrong with you. Things like Viagra help with blood flow problems, where you physically cannot get an erection. When it comes to questions of "why doesn't this feel good to me," doctors are just as clueless as anyone else. That said, you should be able to discuss sexual issues with a doctor, such as birth control, without your girlfriend being embarrassed. The times I've had trouble entering a woman, it was either because my erection wasn't all that firm, or because she wasn't lubricated enough, or both. The latter is generally easy to tell because there's a lot of resistance. If it's a firmness problem, I've just sort of bent or slid to the side when I've tried to enter. It can be really frustrating when I'm mentally interested but my hormones aren't. You've consistently said you can't feel it even though your girlfriend says you've been inside or partially inside. When I lost my virginity, we used a condom and I had the same experience. It was like nothing at all was happening. We then ditched the condom and used withdrawal, which was incredibly risky, but it made a huge difference to me. It wasn't a matter of "feeling less," it was a matter of feeling anything at all. She went on the Pill and after that we had no troubles. Over the years, both in that relationship and in others, I've tried to accustom myself to condoms with no success. I generally get a lot of disbelief if I mention this, though frankly I'd rather not have sex at all than try and feel nothing, it's less frustrating. People routinely accept that women vary enormously in how sensitive they are to intercourse, and what works best for them, but for some reason everyone thinks men are all the same. My advice is talk to a doctor about other methods of birth control. This may not be your problem, but at least it's something to try. Link to comment
je55ie Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 So. I lost my virginity to another virgin, in our 20s. We dated for over 2 YEARS with "trying" nightly before actually having penis-vagina penetration. It just finally happened when it happened and I wouldn't take it back for the world. By the time we succeeded, we knew so much about each other, it made it perfect. It's about the journey, not the destination. I've been there. It's ok. Enjoy it Link to comment
SinSeer Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 It's about the journey, not the destination. truth spoken right there. I believe this is actually a psychological thing. being anxious to perform well is putting stress on you and distracting you from what's really important: sex is fun, no matter the method. i advise you to let go of focusing on penetrating her as an objective, and return to making what you do between the sheets pleasurable. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 If you are hard, how can this be a problem? If you are doing her from behind with her butt in the air, you can see if your erect penis is going in or not. Have you tried that? Link to comment
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