adyghost Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Hey guys, it's been a while since I've been on the forums so bare with me if this sounds too winded. I recently engaged in some heavy flirting with a girl I've known for a few years now. We work in the same organization and even live in the same apartment building, a couple of doors from each other. It started off pretty innocently, extending our conversations past the usual pleasantries, until I introduced her to a little pass time game me and some of my other coworkers were engaging in, which involves coming up with mundane, ordinary every day words that can also have a sexual meaning, i.e. job Anyway, this word game became a regular texting fest between us, getting more explicit as we went along. We have also been spending more time together; the other day we ended up talking in her apartment until 4 a.m. Time just flew by and she confided some very personal details about her life. So I've been thinking about asking her out, see if it leads anywhere. Saturday I had a business engagement in the afternoon and I texted her whether she would like to see a movie that evening, thinking I wanted to spend a little more casual time with her without the pressure of a "dating" situation. She said sure, but might go to sleep as she was really tired. Later she asked if we could take a rain check so I agreed. Yesterday I followed up and she sent a short text saying she still felt unwell and had to drive a mutual friend to the airport (which I already knew about). So today I asked her if she was feeling better... Still tired, says she's not been able to get any sleep. Our flirting has completely stopped since three days ago so I'm wondering if she wanted to stick to flirting, felt me trying to approach her, and is attempting to blow me off. Of course I'm not dismissing her actually feeling unwell, I just don't know if that's cause enough to completely interrupt our communication... Am I overreacting? Link to comment
MikNomis Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 It sounds like it was just harmless flirting for her until you asked her out. Maybe she's not interested in that way. Link to comment
capilot Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 ... we ended up talking in her apartment until 4 a.m. Time just flew by and she confided some very personal details about her life... Common wisdom is that this is an extremely bad sign. She sees you as one of her girlfriends, not as a romantic possibility. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 It sounds like it was just harmless flirting for her until you asked her out. Maybe she's not interested in that way. That's the thing, I didn't ask her out yet... all I did was ask if she wanted to watch a movie. Maybe that was too much as well... Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Common wisdom is that this is an extremely bad sign. She sees you as one of her girlfriends, not as a romantic possibility. Hmm... I guess including sex related things in the conversation might also push me towards the "girlfriend" zone Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Our flirting has completely stopped since three days ago so I'm wondering if she wanted to stick to flirting, felt me trying to approach her, and is attempting to blow me off. Of course I'm not dismissing her actually feeling unwell, I just don't know if that's cause enough to completely interrupt our communication... Am I overreacting? Possibly. Nobody feels flirtatious if they're feeling sick or tired. I'd just leave it a few days. If you see her back at work you'll know she's not feeling too sick. Just say hi normally then maybe text her later Glad to see you're feeling better! and take it from there. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 I know... and if there actually is interest she definitely wouldn't want to see me if she's not at her best. I'll probably see her tomorrow at work (we had today off) and I'll take it from there. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 So confused... one day we engage in flirting and have a few laughs, the next day she barely gives me a glance. Another day we go out to a bar with friends and talk the night away exclusively to each other, the next day no word from her. I know I'm a complete idiot when it comes to reading signals and intentions, but something tells me it's supposed to be more simple than this. Link to comment
Lionhuntress Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 So confused... one day we engage in flirting and have a few laughs, the next day she barely gives me a glance. Another day we go out to a bar with friends and talk the night away exclusively to each other, the next day no word from her. I know I'm a complete idiot when it comes to reading signals and intentions, but something tells me it's supposed to be more simple than this. What's making it so difficult? She was sick, that's understandable. Have you asked her out yet? It's better to have a defininte time and day when making a date. It sounds as if you may be making it harder than it has to be. Maybe she's confused too. Look at it from a woman's point of view. You flirt one day, quiet the next, flirt and talk exclusively at the bar to one another, crickets the next day. I'll bet my bottom dollar she's just as confused as you are. Contact her and tell her you hope she's feeling better. Ask her out in the same conversation. If she's not free on the day you suggets, offer another day. Pursue her. Don't be passive or inactive. Good luck adyghost. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 I haven't asked her out per se... We went to lunch today and I also asked her if she wanted to come by my place and watch this movie she noticed in my library and mentioned repeatedly that she wanted to see. That was a week ago and she's been postponing ever since. I guess I'm also terrified of rejection if I'm being honest... Link to comment
Lionhuntress Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I haven't asked her out per se... We went to lunch today and I also asked her if she wanted to come by my place and watch this movie she noticed in my library and mentioned repeatedly that she wanted to see. That was a week ago and she's been postponing ever since. I guess I'm also terrified of rejection if I'm being honest... Rejection is scary, but how will you ever get anywhere with this woman if you don't take the next step? What if she's not attempting to blow you off as you think? What outcome are you looking for? Where would you like things to go with this woman? It might help to ask yourself these questions and go from there. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 So I tried asking her out today but I couldn't find a moment when I could speak to her alone... don't want any coworkers starting to gossip. I suppose most would consider texting uncouth in this situation? Link to comment
Lionhuntress Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 So I tried asking her out today but I couldn't find a moment when I could speak to her alone... don't want any coworkers starting to gossip. I suppose most would consider texting uncouth in this situation? Texting would be fine in this case, especially if it will help you avoid coworkers starting to gossip. Just be careful not use texting for most of your communication with her. Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Went out for drinks the other night, met up with a couple of my friends, visited a candy store on our way back... A perfect unofficial date which ended with her giving me a hug. I believe that's all the signals I need Now, let me pass an idea around and get a few opinions. At the candy store we realized we both loved jelly bellies and also favored the same flavors. I was thinking I might buy a small bag for her and put a slip of paper inside asking her out to dinner. Does that sound to corny? Also, should the message be an assertive statement (i.e. let's have dinner on Friday) or more of a question? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Now, let me pass an idea around and get a few opinions. At the candy store we realized we both loved jelly bellies and also favored the same flavors. I was thinking I might buy a small bag for her and put a slip of paper inside asking her out to dinner. Does that sound to corny? Yeah, it's corny, but corny can be good! Also, should the message be an assertive statement (i.e. let's have dinner on Friday) or more of a question? A question, I think, but a simple non-begging one, and give her a choice of days in case she already has plans for Friday. Dinner one day this weekend? Link to comment
adyghost Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Thanks EssexMan... I'm 80-85% sure it's corny enough for her to like it Link to comment
MikNomis Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Include in the note, you can't eat any of these jellybeans until you say yes lol. Link to comment
adyghost Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 *UPDATE* It worked We had our first date on Wednesday and it was amazing. Romantic dinner followed by a walk on the beach and our first kiss... Couldn't keep our hands off each other the rest of the night but didn't go too far... Same thing happened last night. Now she texted me saying she feels sick from being sleep deprived (we both got about 4 hours of sleep the past couple of nights) and I feel terrible about it. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm jeopardizing a possible relationship by going too fast but it's not like I was pushing things; last night I tried leaving about 5 times, she just wouldn't let me go I'm afraid she's freaking out about things going this fast but it's hard to control ourselves; when we're with each other it's intoxicating, I've never felt anything like it... Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Now she texted me saying she feels sick from being sleep deprived (we both got about 4 hours of sleep the past couple of nights) and I feel terrible about it. I think she's kidding you. It's a way of referring to the fact that the dates went on for a long time, and that she's aware of the significance of that. Link to comment
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