Advice or thoughts?

[bollywogert]

My ex and I have been broken up for a little over a month now after 6 months. His reason for ending it was he said we didn't have anything to talk about. I didn't take that as the real reason because when we would talk conversation would flow easily like raging waters. Recently after a little bit of pushing, he told me that he broke up with me because I became clingy and he didn't think I was independent.

 

When we first met in May, I was 5 months into trade school. Around mid July, after things had gotten serious, I started an internship that started adding more stress and I will admit I got clingy. We had conflicting schedules as he worked during the weekday when I was available, and i had class at night when he was available. We both respected that the other was busy and didn't pester the other. In November, with graduation looming and wanting to finish my intern hours, my stress increased and I did complain more to him and get upset when we couldn't see each other as he was one of the things i'd look forward to at the end of the week. I guess he took that as being clingy and dependent on him, which in a way it was, but I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. Especially since we didn't have much time to talk.

 

He said he was attracted to my personality and I'll be honest during my time of stress my personality took a slight nose dive. Now that school is done, things within myself have gone back to how they used to be. I've tried telling him that but I don't think he believes me, obviously since we're still broken up. I've just began no contact as showing is better than telling, but should I just consider this a loss?

[Boomshine]

I don't think you have to consider it a loss yet. I think you should go through NC, and see if he has the hutzpah to get a hold of you after some period apart. If he doesn't, THEN consider it a loss. But either way, if he thought you were clingy, NC is definitely the way to go for now. Reclaim yourself, get back on your own two feet, get over him, then see what he does. The crucial part is letting him break through NC though. See if he starts texting or calling you after a period of you being away, then you'll really have your answer.

[jemoeder]

Amen boom.

 

One thing i like to add: people who dump you arent the nicest of people and from personal experienfe getting together again with someone that dumped can be difficult.

 

Start checking out what else is available just in case

 

And yes, consider it a loss in the sense that if you take away the story surrounding the bu, he still left you thats the bottomline.so focus on yourself for now and try not to dwell. Easier said than done , i know i know

[bollywogert]

I agree that dumpers are mean in a sense. It's hard to consider it a loss just yet as his actions are contradictory from his words.

[appies]

Amen boom.

 

One thing i like to add: people who dump you arent the nicest of people and from personal experienfe getting together again with someone that dumped can be difficult.

 

Start checking out what else is available just in case

 

And yes, consider it a loss in the sense that if you take away the story surrounding the bu, he still left you thats the bottomline.so focus on yourself for now and try not to dwell. Easier said than done , i know i know

 

I don't think its really fair to call someone who ended a relationship mean. Like sure, some are. But isn't it mean to continue a relationship that you know isn't right or makes the other person unhappy?

[Boomshine]

I don't think its really fair to call someone who ended a relationship mean. Like sure, some are. But isn't it mean to continue a relationship that you know isn't right or makes the other person unhappy?

 

I agree. It really depends on how the relationship came to end. For instance, in my breakup, there was no hard feelings at all. I mean, sure I was devastated, but I never got angry at her. Because I took some time to understand where she was coming from. Part of my getting over her phase was figuring out what went wrong, and when I figured out that it was me that had wildly changed without even realizing it, well I couldn't really blame her. I mean, it's not like she did it out of spite. She didn't want to see me upset. But she needed to be happy too, and ultimately, WE have to be the ones to provide our own happiness. Your significant other has to be icing on the cake, not the entirety of the cake.

 

If you spend your time being spiteful instead of trying to understand their actions, it's only going to put you in a much worse situation if you hope for a chance at reconciliation.