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How am I supposed to respond to this...?!

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So I have no idea what planet my ex is on.... He broke up with me after 5.5 years and I'm just trying to keep NC and get on with my life. On the other hand he blows hot and cold between telling me never to get in contact again when he doesn't get the response he wants (fine by me) and trying to force me into being friends. He still has all my belongings at our old apartment on the other side of the country, and has consistently weaseled out of returning them to me since our breakup 6 weeks ago.


Anyway, I got a text message from him today about two things:

1. When would be a good time to hand over my things (although he has just not turned up on the previous 4 arranged occasions)

2. He's looking for someone in his department at work and do I want the job because he "doesn't know anyone else who would be good at it" (I did work there for a while but I left 6 months before we broke up to concentrate on my research and also have a great part-time job in my field that he knows about)


Firstly, I have to reply because I want my things back, but should I just pretend like he never offered me a job in my reply? If I do it might anger him and it'll be even longer before I get my things back. My sister is advising me to 'play nice' until I get them back but I just have no idea what I can say in reponse to this which isn't a variation on "Are you ******* kidding me?!"


I mean, this to me sounds all kinds of messed up. It would involve me moving accross the country, seeing him everyday at work, and working together directly. He knows that I wouldn't be able to afford to rent someone on my own too and that I have great prospects in what I'm currently doing. Also...who the hell does that?! Trying to be friends is one level of slightly delusional, but offering your ex a job working together in a small department is all kinds of crazy in my book. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if he has a mental problem and I should inform his parents


Anyway, any suggestions/insight/mental evaluations would be appreciated!

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Well honestly I don't think the best for you would be accepting a job offer since it's gonna be awkward as hell and also because I think he's trying to get back together with you, not necesarily in a relationship kind of way (if you know what I mean). It would be better to ask someone you know to get your things from your old apartment and reject that job offer. If we are talking about moving accross the country to work with an ex is gonna be really unsafe for you in case things get out of hand with the interaction you guys will eventually have.

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First, he sounds crazy and I wouldn't even waste my efforts to talk to his parents. He will blow hot and cold because he is not right in the head, and confused. Why did he break up with you? Sounds like he is trying to get attention from you.

In regards to the job, unless it's a high paying job you have been dying to have, then I would not move accross the country and up root my life for that. It looks like he is still trying to have some kind of "hold" on you.

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Thanks guys,


I mean I am definitely no way taking the job... I just don't know why he would even offer something so ridiculous! It's a 6 month office job and I have a permanent job in my specialist field.


I have to respond to him so that I can arrange a time to get my things (he will not let me do it via someone else and I just want them back asap), I'm just wondering what I should say in my reply? Do I just pretend that he never offered me a job?

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oh, and the breakup was largely due to misunderstanding and lack of communication during a period of LDR. When we finally talked about it he gave the reasons that he didn't want to go back to the relationship because he didn't want a relationship at all anymore/felt more like a brother to me/too many bad things had been said for us to be like we were

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I think you can just set up the time to get your things. As to the job offer, maybe he is looking for a reaction. Don't give him one. I agree that you should play nice until your things are returned. Just say about the job the same thing you would to any job offer that you don't want in a location you don't want to move to, something like: thanks for thinking of me but I feel like living here and the work I am doing now are a better fit for me.

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Well, I responded just pleasantly setting a time to hand over my things. He then asked if we should do lunch too, and I politely declined as it is my friend's birthday party that day.


Anyway, at the mention of me doing something else he got ****** with me again, saying "Check you. Happier without me in your life?". I didn't rise to it but he kept sending nasty replies like "I actually had doubts. But I guess I was right. I knew you didn't care and I was right to stop trusting you"


ARGH all this because I genuinely already have plans? I'm so angry and sick of the way he turns everything into an argument. It's like I can never say the right thing. He keeps extending this branch of friendship and when I don't jump through his hoops he starts being horrible. I just want my things back so I never have to speak to him again, it sounds stupid but I actually feel like I'm being bullied by him

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