depressed girl.. why cant i do anything right

[ammp]

I'm so lost. I'm a 24 year old girl and i feel very lost and my life seems to spiral out of control. No matter how hard i try it seems, nothing ever seems to work for me.

I was fired in Sept from a job i was at for 8 or 9 months. I started a new job about 2 months ago, and i feel and have this constant fear of getting fired. I work at a hair salon as the front desk/ salon leader. but im always maKing mistakes. Little ones, just because im so forgetful and absentminded at times. Like the other day, i was suppose to open the salon in the morning but i didnt think i worked till 1. So i didnt show up and my manager called me, wasnt impressed. Last night i forgot to lock one of the doors. I had my cell phone out and was in trouble for it but i didnt know we werent suppose to have them out. I feel like its just a combination of a bunch of little things that are agravating my boss and my other employees. Small things that i miss. This has been a strugle for me at every job. i get the job but have a hard time holding them & im trying very hard at this one but it still seems to not be enough.

Im in debt and can barely pay for my bills every month.

I did alot of partying. I havent been lately, in fact i rarely do. maybe just go out one night a week but also i have a bit of a drug problem whenever i do drink. Every where i go, everyone i knoe does cocaine and ive done alot in the past. but ive always had control over it. i still do. and ever since me and my ex broke up 4 months ago, whenever i drink i make very stupid decisions.

Im very depressed. I just feel at the age of 24 i should have alot more going for me but i dont.

I plan on going back to school in Sept. i applied and everything, waiting to hear back. Also the college is in my grandparents home town. about 5 hour drive from where i live. which is good, because it will only allow me to focus on school. and i wont get mixed up and occupied with all of the people around my city.

But thats not until Sept if i get accepted.

I been having sucicdel thoughts lately. Im very depressed...

any one have any advice for me.. it would be much appreitated

[blueidealist24]

I think you should stop doing cocaine, because that could be messing with your concentration and making you make little mistakes on the job. Maybe it isn't the cocaine, I've never been on it so I don't really know the effects, but you should try not using it anymore and see if your concentration improves. Even if you feel like you're controlling the use, it's still not HELPING anything, right?

 

I hope you get into that school, what program is it?

[brokenicegirl]

You sound a lot like me. Have you ever had your thyroid tested? I had mine tested and my thyroid was really underactive. That alone can cause brain fog, feeling depressed, and fatigue. Also, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Between my thyroid medication (75 mg of synthroid) and 30 mg of an ADHD med...plus counseling, I feel better. It couldn't hurt you to get tested, I know it has really helped me. Good luck to you! Don't give up, I deal with rough times as well, but I always make it! Try to stay positive!

[catfeeder]

Why not test how well you can start to do on the job when you completely quit the drinking and the coke?

[inkscarred]

Seriously, coke or not, I was in the same situation when I first started working. You DO eventually learn to respectfully assert yourself. This changes everything in the world of work, because it changes the way colleagues interact with you, and the end result is that your confidence allows you to think more clearly, thus avoiding silly mistakes. Silly mistakes are (usually) the product of nerves, not stupidity. Ditching the cocaine and reducing the drinking will help your short and long term memory, so perhaps you need to start another thread asking for help with self-restraint.

 

When I started my current job 4 years ago I got nothing but grief. Now people dare not cross me, because I can shoot them down with logic and reason very easily, and it's incredibly rare that I'll make a mistake. So like I said, it does get better. I got fired from my first job, nearly got fired from my second, and got fired from my third. By my fourth job I realised that people have no respect for young people in their 20s, and that I'll need to stick up for myself.

 

Also, when you're that age, avoid independent and family owned businesses. Stick with large companies who have grievance and disciplinary procedures, and clear policy structures. Then keep a diary of how you're treated and mistakes that were made, including names and dates. That way, you're bulletproof. When a manager started being really cruel to me a few years ago, I took all the information in my diary and put it into a written letter, which I handed in to the most senior manager - when they realised that I'd been keeping a diary, they were very careful about what they did and said around me.