gramstar11 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Hi I'm new to this but am getting a bit desperate for advice! My ex boyfriend and I were together for a while and I really fell for him. The feeling was mutual at first, we got on like best friends and did a lot together. After a while he started to see me less and less and eventually, after he broke up with me (by a text message, while i was out for my best friends birthday) I found out he had been cheating on me with one of his 'friends'... the two of them were together straight away, still are and are all 'loved up', and now even though I have no contact with him, I cant seem to escape it being rubbed in my face on the internet or when I'm out with my friends (we have the same group of friends) He cheated on me, broke my heart, I've never had the opportunity to scream and shout at him for doing it and I'm just constantly angry every day! He's quite a nasty person and has cheated on girlfriends before and has such a massive ego. I dont want him back but I cant handle the fact that two people who knew they were cheating (she was too) are so happy and I'm left angry! How do I let go of this anger!? I've started college, started running, and am doing everything I can to make myself feel better but it just isnt working... I've had the confidence kicked out of me... Dont be too harsh please! I'm struggling as it is at the moment! Link to comment
Clio Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Sorry that you were treated so badly. I have been there. Anger is a natural stage of any break up, let alone a bad one. What you need to focus on is on you and why had your confidence kicked out of you. This person has cheated on previous girlfriends and will probably do it to others. This is about who he is, not about who you are and your self worth. Even if you shouted at him, this would not change who he is and what he did to you. Any relief you might have felt would not have lasted. You need time to heal. As for their happiness, it has an expiration date. People who cheat are not able to maintain a healthy relationship. They lack the emotional honesty, maturity and communication skills for that to happen. In time you will realize that you dodged a bullet. Past behavior is an indication of future behavior. One or both are bound to repeat it. You are better off carrying on working on yourself and make sure you make better choices based on what you learned from this experience. It sounds that you are on the right track. Just try to stay off the internet/block them and minimize contact through friends. Your real friends will understand and help you. Let go of the others. Good luck! Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 It's hard to imagine people being so dishonest yet completely lacking remorse. It should be plain to see that he wasn't worth your time anyway. Also, what Clio said. Link to comment
gramstar11 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 I agree he was a waste of time. I find it hard to understand how a person can go from surprise weekends away and being best friends, to being dishonest and moving on so quickly. Especially when I did nothing to deserve it, we didnt argue or anything, he just pushed me out. I wish the anger and hurt could just go away. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Oh, I know what you're feeling--been there, did that, got the t-shirt. Try writing your anger out in a journal. Keep it private, no sharing with anyone, and just let it all out. Also taking up martial arts or boxing is a great way to let that aggression out. A friend of mine owned a martial arts studio and she used to let me go in after hours sometimes to kick the crap out of the workout dummies and bags she uses in her classes. Whatever you do though, don't say anything to him or his new GF, just cut them dead with silence and act like you can't even see them even if they stand right in front of you. Your cold silence will be loud enough. And if it'll make you smile just think of the day when either he or she cheats on the other one--you know that's coming once the honeymoon period is off. Link to comment
gramstar11 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 I hope so - sometimes these things last though dont they (unfortunately they seem pretty solid, and i've heard hes under the thumb), it's so unfair that the people who dont deserve it get to be happy. I'd like to think that now and again he has moments where he realises how much hes hurt me but it seems like hes the type to just forget. It's just the effect it has on me, making me feel like i was never special or that i'm not worthy of a second thought - or worthy of him. I think I need to get my confidence back. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me! Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 it's so unfair that the people who dont deserve it get to be happy You could be happy if you wanted to be, but that's another issue. Link to comment
gramstar11 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 But i want nothing more than to be happy, i dont understand... Link to comment
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