So lost

[BC201]

I am so confused right now. I will fill you in on the details but they are quiet long...

 

I met a girl, we went out and I kind of got cold feet because of issues that she had in her life with her ex husband. After a couple of weeks of thinking I realized that there might have been something there that I missed. I made contact with her again we started dating, things developed, I fell head over heels in love with her. We got engaged on Christmas Eve 2011. A series of events took place in our lives. We were living together with her two children and my two children. Our house was broken into, my ex wife who has partial custody of my children lost her place, moved into a house with a lady who has chosen in my eyes an immoral career( I don't think my kids were ever exposed), money issues arose, my family started giving me bad information about my relationship, our engagement, etc. A defense mechanism I have when I am under a lot of stress is to shut down. I don't speak, I keep things to myself and try to figure things out on my own. This forced my fiancee to call off the wedding. Things went from bad to worse. Our relationship became a runaway train that I could not stop. No matter what I tried to do, say or otherwise, she was already gone. We went from being very affectionate to nothing. This is a woman who needed physical contact more than I did. Now there was no intimacy. Her actions began to change. She started staying with her sister from time to time and doing other things that she had never done in the past. I felt in my heart and soul that she was seeking the attention she was not getting from me from someplace else. I did not want us to end, I tried so many ways to make her see that she was the love of my life, the one I wanted to be with for ever and ever. Everything I did was placed back on me as I using it as a way to hold it over her head. I can honestly say that all of the things I did were sincere and with nothing more than an attempt to show her I love her so much and I wanted her to see what she meant to me. She moved out. My whole world was turned upside down. This happened in May of 2011. Since then we have had contact, she says she wants to work things out, she wishes things weren't the way they are when we are apart. Our relationship is on again off again. I get frustrated because I want us back to where we were. I have dated many woman during our off times, but the thing is M is always on my mind. When I would be at dinner I would be thinking how I wish it was M with me. Every moment I was with someone else I wished it was M.

 

We started talking again a couple months ago. Yet I don't feel like we are making much headway. I want to be around M because when I am I feel the connection that I miss so much. It bothers me though that she says she doesn't understand the need I have to be around each other so much. In our previous relationships she wanted me to spend the night with her all the time. I wanted the same. Now she tells me that she has gotten used to sleeping alone. She tells me that she has changed, she doesn't know if the old M will ever return. It is the old M that I fell in love with, It is the old M that made me feel loved and special, it is the old M I want back.

 

I love her so much, yet I am so miserable because we don't have what we had before. When I say miserable I mean that it makes me not want to do anything, it makes me extremely sad and it is effecting every aspect of my life. I feel that the most important thing in my life right now is getting us back to where we were. I don't know what to do. How to stop the pain. I really feel insignificant.....Am I holding on to something that I will never have? The old saying time heals all does not apply here. I have treated other women really bad because of the fact they are not M. I can't get past her.....I don't want to. I just want us back as we once were.

[shortchica]

If you are unable to progress and forge a relationship as the people you are now, there is nothing for you in her. In most relationships, once you've gone through something as rough as what you've gone through, there is no way to get back what you once had. Once you've said and done terrible things to each other, those thoughts will always be looming over your heads, and you'll never be able to fully forget and get back to the "old you" as a couple. If you would be willing to start over and try to make things work as you both are now, there is a chance you can make it work. As far as getting back to what you once had, I wouldn't keep your hopes very high. It's unlikely to happen.