Can't get out of this rut i am in broke up in May

[oap81]

Me and my ex broke up in May after a seven year relationship. Thats the story. Anyway its been months and I can't seem to shake this. Some days I am fine and others I feel this happened yesterday. I have gone NC since the break. The holiday's brought me to the edge but I did not do it. I would like to say hi because I do want to know how is she. But I know myself and my emotions would get involved. I have even gone on a few dates and always end up comparing. I just wish I can forget her and move on. This is driving me nuts.

[Tom1990]

I hear ya, man. Keep at it, though. Are you working out, getting some exercise? I do 150 pushups a day. That first one is *terrible* to start, because I really don't want to do it sometimes. But after the first one, I can't stop myself. The rush is amazing, and the feeling sticks with you for a while. Your body thanks you for it, and rewards you with good feelings.

[sportsguy9981]

From everything Ive heard on here you shouldnt break NC, you should wait til she contacts you... Im very sorry, I am in the exact same situation, except it was 4.5 years, and we broke up in October. I hate knowing she is with someone else, and intimate with someone else, because she left me for someone else... but in all reality there are better women out there, and maybe you just need to grieve more. Give yourself more time if all you do is compare every girl you meet to your ex, I am so serious in relationships that I have no idea how I'll ever get over her either but my family tells me she wasnt good to me and that helps tremendously. Get outsider perspectives, it really helps. Also you've made it this far going NC, dont quit now you can do this.. the pain comes in waves it is true, and the waves receed in time. You'll get there, we all do.

[irv]

Sports Guy,

 

I completely understand. My girlfriend of 4 years moved away in May. I think yuo have actually posted on my story.

It's so very hard. I love her still. We have never gone NC. She has visited me 4 times and I have done the same. She was here in Dec and we had a great weekend. We were intimate,she was sweet and engaging but said she wanted to move on.

 

She bought her own house two months age and we discussed my visiting to see it. So each time I would ask has she figured out a good weekend,she would say not yet. I finally just asked "do you not want me to come down?" She again said she can't move on if we see each other. This sucks. We are good together. She says she still loves me and thinks of me all the time.

 

We skyped the other night and I told her if that not talking was best for her I love her and want her to be happy. She said we will still talk,just not as often.

 

I shouldn't have but I looked and found her on a major dating site. That hurt to know she is actively seeking another man. I guess she really is moving on and at a more rapid pace than I expected.

 

I wish I had the answers we need. I have broken my back trying to get her back.

 

I just continue to pray for relief from this crippling pain,strength,peace and happiness. Everyone says "everything happens for a reason". So tired of hearing that and "it is what is is."

[Fraggle]

This thread resonated with me, all emotions too recognisable and familiar.

 

I'm nearly a year out from when she broke the news and 7 months since we finally resolved the property we co-owned and she left, for good. I have only seen her on the road in passing once since July and not spoken to her or been in contact since. All I know is that she has bought a place of her own some just before the last time I saw her (which I didn't know at the time).

 

My emotions have been mixed during this period and I did see someone for a few months which was great, but ultimately it wasn't going to be something long-term. I wasn't ready for anything, and since ending the brief relationship my mind has been able to process things better and allow me to understand things better. As I'm sure you'll all agree it is a painful and confusing process and if I'm honest I have some way to go before I think I'm done with grieving and fully being able to let go.

 

I am close to getting in touch with her, but ultimately I know it will only cause me further pain, but the temptation is there nonetheless, but as others have said I think my emotions would still be compromised.

 

I am so much better than I was and I have surprised myself with the inner strength that has appeared when I have needed it most.

 

I went to look at a property today as I'm still in the property I purchased with her, but nearly a year later I think it may be something I need to do.

 

For what it is worth all your stories are familiar to how i have felt at times and my latest and longest phase at the moment is anger and resentment, something which she was going through in April and May as we were sorting out money....

 

Watching the remake of total recall as I write this (Arnie version better in my opinion) and it does feel at times as if I'm living some dream and I'm going to wake up soon???

 

I think when I feel "fully" awake again I know I'm getting to the stage where I'll be back to "normal" again.

[oap81]

Yes I agree that it is very tempting to want to get in touch. I want her to be happy so I stay away. It sucks how she is so fast to move on and act like seven years never happened.