Will I always feel like i'm 2nd best?

[Chall]

My boyfriend is about 6 years older than me; I'm 19 and he's about to be 25. He's been divorced for about a year now and he also has a 3 year old son by his now ex-wife.

 

I feel like i'm 2nd best. He's already had not only a wife but a family before I even came into his life. I'm afraid that when (or if) we ever get married, that he won't love the kids we have as much as he loves his son.

 

I'm also distraught because I feel like he'll never love me as much as he loved his ex-wife. She was his FIRST wife, she gave birth to his FIRST child, she was the FIRST woman he ever fell madly in love with. How can I not feel 2nd rate?

 

Am I being irrational for feeling the way I do about this?What can I do to work these negative emotions out of my system?

[usied]

i was in a sort of similar situation at one time with my ex...and he def picked the child on the way and his ex over me...hurt sooo bad...it really sucks gettin into those situations where u are madly in love but your significant other has a whole lota baggage...im sure that a father would love all his children no matter who their mother is ...firsts are nice ..but special things like that are memorable no matter what ...and if the love is true ..id stay stick with him...and maybe talk to him about it...hes an adult he will listen and let you know how he feels ..and you can go from there..i wouldnt worry bout a father loving one child but not another...good luck with whatever you do!!!!

[Slagar]

Taking it from the guy's perspective, my girlfriend feels much the same about me and my ex. Sometimes she gets really upset because of it. She feels as though she's second best.

I no longer have feelings for my ex, and I just wish she'd let the past be the past... but I no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it through to her

It doesn't bother me so much... but it can really upset her

 

For you Chall, I think you really shouldn't worry about it, as long as you husband shows that he really loves you, and you're the special person in his life now

If he does this, then you really have no reason to worry. Just try to relax, and enjoy life with him

Worrying is one thing, but worrying unnecessarily is quite another.

... now if only I could get this through to the one I love

 

Good luck

[Chall]

Thanks guys.

 

Usied your right. I think it's best if I talk to him.

[tim horton]

hey, i have a topic asking the same sort of question. she is 26 im 35 i have 2 kids . she feels 2nd all the time. he left his ex for a reason right? if anything regarding kids he should be worried you wont love his kid as much as your own and treat his different. i would be just as crazy about kids with my new girlfriend as i am with the ones from my ex.some one replyed to me the other day saying that i should let my girlfriend know that she is #1 because i want her for my life partner . kids will not be with you forever but she will be so treat her like that. it madde me think! anyway dont worry about it to much.

[drahcir]

Yup, i think your concerns are reasonable. Divorce and remarriage can be very very messy, and its good that you are aware of some of the special circumstances. You alone will have to decide if your concerns are more important than the person you love.........