I think we are about to break up….

[ChellyV]

It has been a long 3 year on again off again relationship with this man. The longest gap was middle of 2011 at which time each of us had our own short term relationships. Each time we try, he develops some sort of emotional distance that makes it extremely hard to try and make things work. He wants to keep his schedule as structured as it is now. Prior to making up, we would develop a really good friendship that would fizzle once commitment is in place, that is, being exclusive.

 

He says he is always tired,would prefer to sleep than go out, we do not go out on dates but simply have dinner and spend the night at my place every other weekend. No activity whatsoever during the week but short phone calls at night. How can you share your heart and soul with such a person who seem to distant and pre occupied with his own life and needs? Although I have quietly dealt with it and never brought this up with him. Recently, we had a little disagreement over New Year’s schedules so much so that I said, I think your life is so arranged that there is no room for another one. He simply kept quiet.

 

So on Wednesday I called him and said I was on his way to his house (first time ever in 2 years that I am doing such) to personally deliver a Christmas present that arrived in the mail quite late. He wasn’t too happy and said he is tired. So I offered to just do is another time, but deep inside I was hurting as I did let him know that I was about 20 minutes close to his house. I know he is tired so I am sensitive enough not to stay long for literally all I wanted was to deliver the present, something he so badly wants and needs. Since then I have not heard from him at all. And I know this is going downhill. The pain in my heart was over the reality of the fact that – does this person really want me or am I just an interim thing?

 

Truth be told I am quite unhappy with this arrangement. The reason why I want to be in a relationship is to have a secure friendship with someone who can offer me time and love. And that persona has become a distant memory.

 

I am unsure how to handle this moving forward. Any inputs?

[twodegrees]

Well, I think you know what you need to do. You needs are not being met and he is not even trying to communicate about it. Throw him back and find someone who is more compatible. There are tons of guys that can meet your "secure friendship who can offer time and love"

[rask]

First of all you're in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

 

You need to end it with him because it seems as if he's lost interest, and either doesn't know how to end it or isn't sure yet.

[ChellyV]

First of all you're in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

 

.

 

Why is that?

[tryin2bhappy]

You want a companion to share your life and love with, and to have new experiences with, is what it sounds like. You want more involvement with him than what it is and it doesn't seem like he's making that effort based on what you have said. You mentioned you've kept quiet about it. I think you need to talk to him and tell him these things- what you want- and if he still can't or won't commit, then move on. You can at least say you tried everything. Once it's to that point it's hard to go back. Life is too short and I agree with twodegrees that there is someone out there that can meet your needs for a secure friendship and offers their time and love. It's a mutual commitment. Maybe it's a woman thing, but that is what I am looking for too, exactly. And I think with all good relationships that person is your best friend. Your situation sounds one-sided right now, but maybe he just doesn't know exactly how you are feeling about it all. I would try and talk with him about it if you still want it to work, and if he won't take any steps to show you he's serious about you and the relationship, you must seek happiness somewhere else because in the end, if it continues like this, you will still be the one suffering- not him. Only you can look out for you Chelly.