I saw my best friends guy with another girl

[sasha12]

Last night I went out to this club and I saw my best friends guy with another girl! I don't know if I should tell her or if I should just mind my own business because I don't want to start any trouble. But I just keep thinking that if that was my husband I would want someone to tell me about it.

[loralei]

No, don't tell her yet. You don't know the full story. Were they in a big group or just the 2 of them? Maybe you can confront the guy?

[sasha12]

It was just the two of them and he knows that I saw them because he was walking out as I was walking in and they got into his car together.

[arwen]

Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything, does it? Could be his sister or a friend, or a co-worker? I also have male friends, and I see them in person, nothing ever happens because we are simply friends.

 

I wouldn't do anything, it's none of your business and it's usually the messenger that people will blame.

 

Did you see them doing anything else than getting into a car? Did they walk hand in hand, or kiss?

 

Ilse.

[if only]

Maybe you could just mention it in passing like 'I saw your husband the other day in xxx'

 

that way she will probably ask you who with if she is suspicious or if she already knew he was out with a friend she may just say oh yeah he had a meeting with whoever she was.

 

I think if you keep quiet and something ends up coming out she would be upset at you for not telling her, but you have to be very careful as if you blow this meeting out of proportion you could end up ruining her marriage for an innocent meeting.

 

I think by mentioning it in passing is just being friendly, I often talk to my friends and mention I saw there partners out without them.

[drahcir]

tell the guy you saw him and just politely ask him who he was with. As one person said, it might just be his sister, or cousin, or friend. Don't be quick to jump to any conclusion.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

In this particular case, I agree with "if only". If she is truly your best friend, would you really need to ask whether you should say something? Not to mention they are married, they're not just dating so this is something that you have a moral obligation to tell her, in my opinion. Wouldn't you want her to tell you, even if it was innocent? And it might be, but surely she'll appreciate your input. There are tactful ways to say something like that.

 

Like "ifonly" mentioned, say something like "I was at such and such club the other night and I saw your husband". Then see what she says, she might say "yeah, he took his sister out, yada yada yada." But if she looks at you like she saw a ghost then you'll need to spill the details. After all, if she can't count on you to tell her things like this, who can she count on? If she acts like oh well and doesn't really ask any questions then just say, "Who was that girl he was with?" but not in an accusatory manner so she doesn't think that you're jumping to conclusions. The conversation should flow from there.

 

The point is that you need to tell her because you are HER friend, not so much HIS, and no matter what you should tell your friend things like this, even if it is innocent OR infidelity.

[PrincessLinzay]

I would tell her as soon as possible. I would want to know if it was me.

 

Im assuming that you know your bf's husband pretty well, does he even have a sister? Most married people don't go out to clubs with only 1 other person of the opposite sex, whether it's a friend or a relative. I would tell her right away. You don't have an obligation to him, but you do have an obligation to her.

 

Thats just my personal thoughts.

[sasha12]

It wasn't his sister they were holding hands on the way out to his car and when he saw me he let go of her. But this is hard I'm telling you because if I tell my friend what I saw it might be the end of there marriage and I don't want to be a part of that.

[Princess777]

Wow, I see your point, but STILL she is YOUR friend!!!! Wouldn't you want to know? Just try it like I said earlier, just be casual about it and act like she already knew, but that you're being her true friend. Actually if you don't hurry up and tell her and she finds out that you know you'll really feel bad..... please tell her!!!!! Why would you NOT tell her, to protect yourself? Friends have moral obligations to each other to tell each other the truth. If you care about her you will tell her, and just find out what the deal is.

 

If he was holding her hand and quit when you saw her, I'd say he's most likely up to no good, that does not sound good at ALL and I am so sorry for your friend. But you should not revolve this around YOU because it really has to do with your friend and her husband, don't turn the guilt around onto you, you're just the messenger.... she's not going to be mad at you for telling her!!!! She will be thankful that you are looking out for her. I know if my best friend saw that she would not hesitate to call me and we would just get through it together. It's time for you to be there for your friend, whether her marriage falls apart or not.

[sasha12]

thankyou all for your help with this!

[Princess777]

Please let us know what happens!!!! I hope there is a perfectly good explanation but I fear there is not.

[Iceman26]

Seriously, tell your friend what happened.

 

I find that the best thing to in most situations is treat others the way you want to be treated.

 

If your guy was out with another girl, wouldn't you want your friend to tell you?

[T-Mama]

.....just bringing up (in passing) to your friend that you saw her guy is the best scenario....that way if your friend was told that he was doing something else that evening she would be aware that maybe something was up.....just allow her to make her own judgement calls. I don't think complete silence is a good option because if he ever tells her that you once "saw" him, she might be upset with you for not telling her. Since you are her friend that is my opinion....

 

I once told someone that their boyfriend was cheating on them and it caused (is still causing) much drama for me......but because I'd actually been the other woman to her boyfriend I don't think I made the right choice to reveal her boyfriend's ways to her (see my posts for details). If I'd just been an "innocent bystander" things probably would've been different.