Ex gf has something of mine - sentimental.

[herewegoagain]

My ex gf has something that is very sentimental to me. It is a piece of jewelery that was given to me when I was just a kid. It is sentimental/religious.

 

When looking for it the other day, I realized that I left it in a box that I gave her when I gave her all her stuff back.

 

She knows how important that piece of jewelery is to me, but she has not contacted me about it, and I know she has it. I guess that since she is seeing someone else since we broke up, she doesn't care to contact me.

 

Is she that much of a heartless person? I was very cooperative when I gave all her things back (back in August) but it seems that she only cares about herself.

 

I've been doing no contact for the past two months (except when I emailed her about something that I still had of hers, which she replied and said she wanted it back, but she never came and got it).

 

My point is, I have no desire to contact her in any way because she will probably think I'm trying to get her back, etc. But at the same time, this piece of jewelery is very important to me.

 

So what do I do?

[sweetharmony]

even though you are playing "no contact" I think this a case where you can contact her. I would send a friendly e-mail specifically about the necklace. Tlel her that you mistakenly put the necklace in the box of stuff you agve to her and you would appreciate it back. If she doesn't want to see you, ask her to mail it to you or leave it in your mailbox, etc... simple.

[Deckman33]

Hey there, well just like "sweetharmony" said, I think you should contact her about it, because it means alot to you, it really doesn't matter what she makes about the fact that you will contact her about the jewel, just be sincere about it.

Good luck.

[sweetharmony]

and just because she hasn't contacted you about the jewlery, doesn't mean she doesn't care. she might not have even looked through that box yet. it might just be sitting in her room untouched. but def. contact her.

[herewegoagain]

Sweetharmony - She probably looked in it because it was a little jewelery box that is hers. I just kept a couple of my things in the same box as hers, but accidentally gave it back to her with my jewelery in there. So I'm pretty sure she has looked in it. But who knows, you may be right - she may have not even looked in it yet.

 

Thanks for your help.

[rich46]

Sweetharmony - She probably looked in it because it was a little jewelery box that is hers. I just kept a couple of my things in the same box as hers, but accidentally gave it back to her with my jewelery in there. So I'm pretty sure she has looked in it. But who knows, you may be right - she may have not even looked in it yet.

 

Thanks for your help.

I think she'll know about it. Maybe she is keeping hold of it as it gives her a good reason to contact you should her rebound go wrong? Or maybe because you will have to contact her, and it may give her a feeling of power over you? Who knows, but be careful if you contact her, even if it is just about the jewellery. She may tell you things that you don't want to hear...whether you like it or not. I found this out when my ex contacted me a few weeks ago - it's like they want you to know about the stuff in their lives (even if you explicitly say that you're not interested).

 

If it is so important, then I guess you don't have much choice.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[herewegoagain]

rich - I'm not sure what's more important - getting the jewelery back, or not contacting her. I think not contacting her is my choice for now. I do not want to give her the satisfaction. Maybe in a few months I will contact her about it. I just hope she doesn't lose it or throw it away.

 

Also, like you say - she may tell me things I do not want to hear.

 

Has she contacted you at all since last week?

[rich46]

It's actually been a few weeks since she contacted me. Yesterday would have been our 4 year anniversary, but she didn't call. Good. Any thoughts of us getting back together or whatever have gone from my mind. I'm not worrying about things like that anymore. I'd be foolish to spend my time leading up to/during New Zealand worrying about her. There will be plenty of female backpackers out there!

 

Honestly, she's already with someone else after only 2 months. Why have I even been worrying about her anyway? No, I've redeveloped my tougher attitude! Sure it set me back for about a week when she contacted me a few times, but it has actually made me stronger in the long run. It's her loss anyway!

 

Rich

[herewegoagain]

Good for you, Rich. I can definitely relate to you when you say that you shouldn't even worry about her anyway since she moved to someone else so soon. I agree. They do not deserve us.

 

Just because they were not totally happy with the relationship, doesn't give them the right to treat us like they did/are doing. Whatever happened to "Do onto others as you would have done on to you?" When I really look at how terrible she has treated me during the breakup, I realize that she is trash, and not worth my worry.

 

My mind knows what is best, but sometimes my heart still gets in the way. I'm sure you experience the same feeling.

[rich46]

My mind knows what is best, but sometimes my heart still gets in the way. I'm sure you experience the same feeling.

Just give it time, plenty of time.

 

The fact that she has rebounded has not affected me so much because sooner or later, it will catch up with her. There were already signs of that when she contacted me last.

 

You and me are wiser than them. We appreciate that we need to fully heal and spend some time on our own before moving on to a new relationship.

 

We'll get there though. Honestly, 3-4 months is nothing and I can tell you're making good progress...so don't worry about it!

 

I'm starting to realise that there are some positives to being single, especially after a long term relationship.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[lady00]

how about getting it back through an intermediary, such as a mutual friend? I'm not saying send a friend over to get it but if you have a mutual friend that sees her regularly you might mention to her to ask for it back if she sees her. But I've never done anything like that before and I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Anyone else have any other thoughts on this?

[herewegoagain]

lady00 - that may be a good idea. I'm just kind of hesitant to even do that, because that is almost like breaking no contact, which I do not want to do. I don't know what the heck to do.

 

Thanks for your idea.